Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Subomi* (28) and Derinsola* (27) are university mates who went from enemies to lovers. For years, they couldn’t stand each other until the NYSC camp forced them into the same space and changed everything.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about campus politics, realising they had more in common than they thought, and why they’ve had to ban all talk of  politics to keep their relationship intact.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Subomi: 200 level, around 2016 or 2017. I’d just joined the department as a direct entry student, so I was completely new to everyone. I’m naturally extroverted. I talk to people easily, make friends quickly, so within a few weeks, I’d already integrated into the department. I knew most people’s names, joined group chats, and attended all the hangouts. I was just being myself, really. But Derin didn’t seem to like me. Whenever I said “hi,” she either turned away or barely responded. But I didn’t think too much about it. I continued befriending whoever wanted to be my friend.

Derinsola: And I hated it. I remember when he joined the department. He was always in people’s faces, acting like he’d been there since 100 level. I found it incredibly annoying. I thought, “Who is this person? Why is he so loud?” I kept my distance because I just couldn’t deal with his energy. We were in the same classes sometimes, but I made sure we never had to interact beyond what was necessary.

Subomi: I didn’t even know she felt that way at first. I thought we were just two people who didn’t know each other well. It wasn’t until much later that I realised she actively disliked me.

Right. So when did you start interacting directly?

Subomi: Toward the end of 200 level. I’d been thinking about running for departmental president and started putting feelers out to see if I had a chance. That’s when I found out Derinsola was also planning to run. I thought, “Okay, this is going to be interesting.” We weren’t friends, but I didn’t think we were enemies either. The election changed that.

Derinsola: The moment I heard he was running, I knew it was going to be messy. We were already not fans of each other, and now we were competing for the same position. The entire campaign became chaotic. There were camps forming, people taking sides, rumours flying around. It brought out the worst in both of us.

What do you mean?

Derinsola: The campaign was intense. I’d been in the department since 100 level, so I had the advantage of time. I knew the older students, the lecturers, and the course reps from other levels. I had built-in support. Subomi, on the other hand, was a DE student who’d only been around for a year. But he’d built a following so quickly that it actually scared me. People liked him because he was charismatic, funny, the kind of person who could walk into a room and instantly command attention. So even though I had seniority, I knew I had a real fight on my hands.

Subomi: I also felt disadvantaged because I was new. But I’d worked hard to build relationships in that one year. I attended every departmental event, joined every group project, and made myself visible. By the time the election came around, I had enough people backing me that I genuinely believed I could win. The campaign itself got ugly at some point; there were accusations, people trying to discredit each other, alliances forming and breaking. The dean of student affairs had to intervene at some point when the situation started getting violent.

Wow.

Derinsola: When we resumed 300 level, and the election was getting closer, Shubomi came to me and tried to get me to step down. I was so angry. I looked him dead in the eye and told him there was no way in hell I was stepping down. If anything, it made me more determined to beat him.

So, who won the election?

Derinsola: I did. And not by a small margin either. When the results came out, it was clear I had more support. I remember the moment they announced it, I felt vindicated. All that hard work and years of dedication to the department paid off. He looked devastated, and honestly, I was glad. I wanted him to know he couldn’t just waltz into the department and take over.

Subomi: I was crushed, actually. I’d put everything into that campaign, and I lost. It hurt so bad, but I knew I had to handle it with grace. I congratulated her publicly, told people to support her administration, and even offered to help her with whatever she needed. I didn’t want to be the bitter loser who made everyone uncomfortable. I wanted to show that I could lose and still be mature about it.

Right. Derinsola, how did you respond to his offer to help?

Derinsola: I didn’t trust him. Not even a little bit. Every time he offered to help, I’d shut him down or treat him coldly. I was convinced he was trying to sabotage me from the inside; that he’d join my team, gather information, and use it against me somehow. Looking back now, I know I was paranoid. But at the time, I couldn’t see past my own suspicion. So I made it very clear that I didn’t need or want his help.

Subomi: I’d walk up to her, trying to be friendly, and she’d barely acknowledge me. At some point, I gave up. So we spent the rest of our time in school barely speaking to each other. We’d be in the same classes, the same departmental events, but we avoided each other as much as possible. When we had to interact, it was civil but distant. I honestly thought that was the end of our story.

I can imagine. How did you find your way back to each other?

Subomi: 2022. NYSC camp in Ikeja. I was at the registration centre, filling out forms, and I looked up and saw her standing a few meters away. My first thought was, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Of all the local governments in Lagos, of all the NYSC batches, we ended up in the same place at the same time. It felt like some kind of cosmic joke.

Derinsola: I had the exact same reaction. When I saw him, I actually groaned out loud. My friend asked what was wrong, and I said, “That guy over there. We went to the same school, and we hate each other.” She laughed and said, “Well, you’re stuck with him for the next three weeks.”

What was your interaction like after you saw each other?

Subomi: Awkward as hell. We made eye contact, and for a few seconds, neither of us knew what to do. I could see her deciding whether to ignore me or acknowledge me. Eventually, I just walked over and said, “Hey, Derin. Long time.” She looked surprised that I’d even approached her, but she said hi back. We exchanged a few awkward pleasantries, asked each other where we’d been since graduation, what we’d been up to. It was surface-level, but it was civil. That was a start.

Derinsola: I was genuinely surprised he acknowledged me. I thought maybe he was still bitter about the election and would just ignore me. But he seemed different. Less uppity, more relaxed. I don’t know if it was the camp stress. We were all just trying to survive the drills, the heat, the terrible food, and the overcrowded hostels. 

[ad]

Fair enough. When did things start to shift between you two?

Derinsola: It happened gradually. We started gravitating toward each other without really planning it. We’d see each other during the parade, or at the mammy market, or during the evening socials, and we’d end up talking. At first, it was just about camp stuff. We’d complain about the platoon leaders, laugh at the ridiculous rules, and share tips on how to survive. But then the conversations got deeper. 

We started talking about what we’d been doing since graduation, our career plans, and our lives outside of camp. And the more we talked, the more I realised we actually had a lot in common. We liked the same music, we had similar views on certain things, and we even had mutual friends we’d never known about. I started thinking I was wrong about him.

Subomi: Same for me. I started seeing her in a completely different light. She wasn’t the cold, uptight person I remembered from school. She was funny and surprisingly easy to talk to. She had this dry sense of humour that caught me off guard and made me laugh. By the second week of camp, we were spending most of our free time together. We’d sit together during lectures, eat together at the mammy market, and walk around camp just talking for hours. It felt natural, like we’d been friends for years instead of enemies.

I see. So, at what point did things start to move from a platonic level?

Shubomi: For me, it was maybe a month or two after camp. We met during weekly CDS, and I started noticing little things about her. The way she laughed, the way she got animated when she was talking about something she cared about, and the way she’d check in on me to make sure I was okay. I started looking forward to seeing her every week. I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship at the time. I’d just come out of something messy with my ex, and I was trying to focus on myself and my career. But Derin made it hard not to feel something. She just fit easily into my life at that particular time.

Right. Were you single too, Derin?

Derinsola: I was actually seeing someone at the time. Long distance. He was based in Abuja, working, and we barely saw each other. Maybe once every two months if we were lucky. We’d talk on the phone, but it always felt like he was too busy, too tired, or too distracted. I’d complain to Shubomi about how I felt neglected and how I was tired of being the only one putting in effort, and Shubomi would just listen. He didn’t try to turn me against my boyfriend or anything like that. He’d just say things like, “You deserve better than this,” or “You shouldn’t have to beg for attention.” And I started realising he was right. I was settling for someone who wasn’t giving me what I needed, while Shubomi, whom I’d spent years hating, was right there, showing up for me every single day.

When did you tell her how you felt, Shubomi?

Subomi: One evening after CDS. We were chilling at a restaurant, just talking. She was telling me about another fight she’d had with her boyfriend, and I could see how exhausted she was. So I just said it. I told her about my feelings and how I wasn’t trying to mess up her relationship. I said she deserved better, and I wanted to be that person if she’ll let me.”

Derinsola: I was shocked, but not really. Part of me had been sensing it. When he finally said it out loud, I didn’t know what to say. I told him I needed time to think. But deep down, I already knew. I’d been developing feelings for him, too. I was more excited to see Shubomi than I was to talk to my boyfriend. That told me everything I needed to know. I ended things with my boyfriend a few weeks later. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. And in February 2023, Shubomi and I made it official.

Nice. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Derinsola: Really sweet. We spent a lot of time together. We’d visit each other on weekends, call every night before bed, and send each other random texts throughout the day. It felt easy and natural, like we’d been doing this for years.

Subomi: It was one of those relationships where everything just clicked. We already knew each other’s flaws, so there were no surprises. We knew exactly what we were getting into, and we still chose each other. That felt incredibly special. However, we still had our share of disagreements.

Tell me more. 

Derinsola: A few months into the relationship. We realised that the same thing that brought us together—our shared interest in politics and social issues—was also tearing us apart. We’d get into these long, heated arguments about everything. Politics, economic policies, social justice, and gender issues. And they weren’t friendly debates. They were full-blown fights where we’d both get emotional and say things we didn’t mean.

Can you give me a specific example?

Derinsola: The 2023 elections almost ended us. Shubomi supported Tinubu. I supported Peter Obi. And we both felt so strongly about our choices that we couldn’t just agree to disagree. Every time something came up about the elections, we’d get into it. He’d defend Tinubu’s record as Lagos governor, and I’d bring up all the issues with his administration. He’d say I was being emotional and not looking at facts, and I’d say he was being willfully blind to corruption. It got so bad that we stopped talking for three days at one point.

Subomi: I still stand by my decision. I believed Tinubu was the best candidate at the time based on my analysis of the political landscape and the realistic options available. But I’ll admit I was probably too vocal about it. I was on X defending him and arguing with people. It drove Derin crazy. 

Derinsola: The worst part was after he won. Shubomi had this smug energy for weeks, and I couldn’t stand it. I remember telling him, “If you send me one more text about this election, I’m blocking you.” And I meant it. To this day, when I think about how loud and supportive he was of APC, it still makes my blood boil.

How did you guys move past that?

Subomi: We had to have a serious conversation about it. After that three-day silent treatment, I realised we couldn’t keep going like this. So I called her and said we needed to have a conversation. We talked for hours that night, and both admitted that we’d let our egos get in the way and we’d been more interested in winning the argument than understanding each other’s perspectives. We eventually agreed that politics and social issues were off-limits unless absolutely necessary.

Derinsola: It wasn’t easy to accept that boundary at first. But we realised that being right wasn’t worth losing each other over. So now, when we feel an argument starting, one of us will say, “Let’s not do this,” and we drop it. We change the subject, we walk away, we do whatever we need to do to avoid going down that road.

Do you think avoiding these conversations is sustainable long-term?

Derinsola:  I don’t know. Sometimes I worry that we’re just sweeping things under the rug, that eventually, it’s going to blow up in our faces. But for now, it’s working. We’ve found other things to bond over, like careers, families, and our future plans together. We don’t need to agree on everything to love each other.

Subomi: I think as we mature and grow together, we’ll get better at having these conversations without them turning into fights. We’re learning how to disagree respectfully, listen even when we don’t agree, and how to recognise when a conversation is about to cross a line. It’s a work in progress, but we’re committed to figuring it out.

Rooting for you both. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Subomi: She challenges me in ways no one else does. She makes me think critically about things I might have accepted without a second thought. Even when we disagree, I respect her intelligence and her ability to articulate her thoughts clearly. She’s also incredibly supportive of my career and my goals. When I’m stressed about work or uncertain about a decision, she’s the first person I turn to, because I know she’ll give me honest and thoughtful advice.

Derinsola: He’s dependable. When I need him, he shows up without excuses or hesitation. And despite all our arguments and our differences, he’s never made me feel like he doesn’t care about me or value me. He’s also hilarious, which honestly saves us most of the time. When things get tense or we’re about to start arguing, he’ll say something ridiculous that makes me laugh, and suddenly the tension is gone. That’s a gift.

How would you rate your love on a scale of 1-10?

Subomi: I’d say an 8. We’re building something real together. However, we’re still learning how to navigate our differences, communicate more effectively, and resolve conflicts fairly. We’ll get to a 10 eventually, but we’re not there yet.

Derinsola: I’d also say 8. We have our challenges, but I genuinely believe we can work through them. We’ve already overcome so much—going from enemies to friends to lovers isn’t a small thing. If we can do that, we can handle whatever else comes our way.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Deola* (29) and Hassan* (31) first met as secondary school classmates and rekindled their connection years later at a singles event in 2024.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about their whirlwind teenage romance, the messy breakup that followed in university, and what it’s like giving love a second chance after nearly a decade apart.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Deola: We attended the same boarding school in Lagos and became friends in SS 3. I can’t recall all the details now, but we just clicked when we were preparing for our final exams.

Hassan: I’d always seen her around in school, but we weren’t in the same circle. Finding out we’d sit close to each other during WAEC brought us closer together. I’m bad at Maths, and I teased her about helping me during the exam. She refused and said she’d rather teach me than cheat. So, I started coming to her class during afternoon prep, and we’d go over past questions together. Honestly, even the inventor of Maths couldn’t have helped me because I hated the subject. But I enjoyed her company, and that’s how we got close. Funny thing is, we only had a few months left before graduation.

How did the Maths exam go, though? Did she assist?

Deola: I couldn’t stand watching him fail. Since I was only two seats away, I had a clear view of him. I kept checking and knew he wasn’t doing anything. But he also wasn’t trying to disturb me, almost like he’d resigned to failure.  That made me feel bad.

Hassan: She turned her answer booklet towards the guy beside her, and I copied from him. It wasn’t easy because the invigilators were everywhere, but I managed. When WAEC released the results months later, I got a C. I felt so indebted that I promised her a gift.

Deola: By then, we’d graduated and returned home. He lived in Surulere, and I stayed in Obalende, so meeting up wasn’t easy. We finally saw each other at a small school reunion.

Right. Did you get your gift?

Deola: Oh yes. It was a cute necklace with my name on it, a perfume set and chocolates. Everything screamed, “This is a gift for my girlfriend,” but we hadn’t officially had that talk yet. That said, I knew he liked me.

Hassan: We actually had that talk that day. Everyone at the reunion saw the gift and teased us about being a couple.

At what point did things progress between you??

Hassan: Nothing happened after the reunion. I lost my phone and couldn’t reach her. I had her house address, but it was far, and I couldn’t just show up. So I gave up. I thought the ship had sailed before it even left the port.

Deola: I tried to call him and sent loads of messages, but he was unreachable. I felt so sad because I still had butterflies from the reunion and his gifts. It felt like all that chemistry just fizzled out.

About three or four months later, I got a Facebook message from Hassan . He’d gotten into UNILAG, and I was so happy. I’d also applied there and was waiting for the supplementary list.  We picked up like nothing happened. 

Hassan: We both ended up at UNILAG and properly kicked off our relationship in 2014.

Nice. So how was the relationship?

Hassan: It was good at first. I wasn’t very social, so I leaned on Deola a lot. She knew everyone and everything. I’d walk around campus with her, and she’d stop every few steps to greet people. I thought it was cute, but her over-socialising later became a problem.

Deola: I didn’t have much of a social life in secondary school because I was the “face your studies” type. UNILAG opened my eyes. I didn’t want to carry that boring vibe into uni. Hassan didn’t like it at first, but eventually adjusted.

He stayed with a family friend in Yaba during his first year, and I sometimes spent weekends there. That year had many firsts for us — our first kiss, first sex, first hotel getaway. We were “that couple”. While most freshers were still finding their way, we were already serving couple goals by the third week.

Single? Married? Divorced? Dating? In a situationship? We’re surveying Nigerians about love, relationships, marriage, and everything in between and we want to hear from YOU.

You only need to give us a few minutes of your time and participate in this quick survey. It’s 100% anonymous too!

But did your socialising ever get in the way? 

Deola: Not in the first year. Hassan made a few comments here and there, but nothing serious. He even tagged along sometimes, and my social circle helped us navigate lots of fresher issues.

Once, he missed a test and was allowed to retake it because I knew the lecturer’s niece. The babe took Hassan to her uncle’s place, and he fixed a second test for the class. There were many moments like that where my social capital helped. 

I think the real problem started in our second year. There was a clear disconnect between our circles, which caused constant tension.

What sort of disconnect, Hassan? And why was her social life an issue if you benefited from it?

Hassan: I wasn’t comfortable with her string of friends, but I was grateful she always knew someone who knew someone who could help. However, she had more male friends, and I was worried there were no boundaries. 

She’d hang out with the guys behind my back. Once,  she went to a beach party with them and never mentioned it. I found out through someone else. She also had this clique of girlfriends whom she valued more than me. One call from them and she’d drop everything to join them.

Every day she moved far and far away from the version of herself I went to school with; the girl who was excited about our relationship and about starting uni together.

But did you consider that she was in a self-discovery phase?

Hassan: I was changing too, but it wasn’t at the expense of our relationship. I managed to put her first and give our relationship the attention that it deserved.

Deola: It’s been such a long time, and I don’t remember all the details. I’ll say my major grouse with Hassan was that it felt like he was clipping my wings. I tried to bring him along so we could have shared experiences, but his refusal meant I had to leave him out most of the time. The university isn’t all about books and studying; you also have to explore extracurricular activities. Hassan didn’t get that.

I see. Did you guys ever find a common ground? 

Deola: We didn’t. I decided I was done by the tail end of our second year in school. 

Hassan: We were both done. By that time, she’d also gotten into drinking and smoking. I wasn’t judging her choices, but I didn’t think I could handle her wildness. When she said she wasn’t interested anymore, it felt like a burden lifted off my shoulders.

What do you mean?

Hassan: I didn’t want to initiate the breakup. Maybe it was because of our history or because we were practically each other’s first. It just felt wrong to walk away, and I don’t think I’d have handled the guilt well.

Fair enough. So how did things move after you broke up?

Deola: I missed Hassan — the friendship, the laughter, the inside jokes, and our safe space. But I also moved on quickly. UNILAG is fast-paced, and I was in the thick of it. I’d joined a group that organised campus events and other social activities, so I didn’t have time to sit around and mope.

Throughout the rest of my stay in uni, he wasn’t on my radar. I’d moved on.

Hassan: It was a mix of both for me. On one hand, I told myself I’d moved on. On the other, I still saw Deola everywhere. Friends would ask if I was attending an event, and when I said no, they’d remind me she was part of the organisers. She didn’t have to tell me she’d moved on; it was obvious. She had such a vibrant social life that there was no room left for heartbreak.

I also knew when she started seeing someone else, then the person after that. She might not have noticed me again throughout school, but I always heard about her.

[ad]

Must have been tough. Was it easier to move on when you left uni?

Hassan: Definitely. Leaving school helped. I didn’t just move on from her; I wanted to forget everything about the university itself. Outside of what happened with Deola, I didn’t have a memorable time there.

Deola: He was too stuck up. That was always his problem.

I see. So how did you guys cross paths again?

Deola: Funny story. I was in a relationship with the guy I dated after uni — we even got engaged in 2022. But I eventually realised I couldn’t spend my life with him. He had a drug addiction problem, and I knew I had to walk away. I called off the engagement later that year and stayed single afterwards.

The whole thing broke me. I was depressed for most of 2023. Then, in February 2024, my sister invited me to a singles’ programme at her church. I’d been putting it off, but it was the final edition, so I decided to go. Guess who I ran into there? Hassan. He was actually trying to dodge me.

Hassan: It was the most random and awkward meet-up ever. We hadn’t seen each other in almost ten years, and running into your ex at a singles’ event? Wild. I planned to sneak out when I saw her, but she beat me to it. She came over, called my name to confirm, and pulled me in for a hug.

Awww

Hassan: I didn’t see the hug coming, so I froze a bit. But I quickly put my arms around her to avoid the awkwardness. Then she hit me with, “What are you doing here?” I couldn’t lie fast enough, so I said I was just exploring my options.

Deola: I told him I was doing the same. Something about his unplanned honesty made it easier for me to be open too.

We spent the rest of the evening catching up, but you can’t unpack seven years in one night. We exchanged contacts, followed each other on Instagram, and promised to stay in touch.

Hassan: I didn’t hear from her for two days after that random meet-up, and even though I tried to play hard guy, I couldn’t resist texting her. She replied immediately, like she’d been waiting for me. That’s how we found our way back to each other again.

Sounds nice. Considering you were both single, did you guys try to find a spark?

Hassan: I did. Meeting at that event answered questions we both had on our minds. In my head, I thought, “Why else would anyone attend a church programme for single people if they weren’t looking for love?”

So I decided to be direct and asked about what she wanted, romantically speaking.

Deola: I was honestly taken aback. I thought whatever we had ended ages ago. He kept bringing up memories from when we dated, and half the time, I couldn’t even remember them.

I think I was more interested in understanding why he was still single at 30. It felt like a red flag. When he said, “I just haven’t found my person,” I didn’t buy it.

But we started talking more and spending time together. He’d become a lot more social than I remembered, and I started considering the possibility of us again. That’s pretty much what we’ve been doing for the past year — figuring things out.

Curious, Hassan. Aren’t you worried that the same issues that tore you apart years ago might resurface?

Hassan: I’m not. We’ve spent months together now, and she’s no longer the wild girl that scared me away in uni. I think she’s had her fun and calmed down.

Deola: That’s exactly why we haven’t made anything official. He keeps saying I’m calmer now, and I agree. I’ve had my “hoe phase”, and I’m not as drawn to the things that excited me back then. But is that part of me gone? Not really. I still go out when I feel like it. I still drink when I want to unwind.

What I don’t want is a partner who’ll judge me or dictate what I can and can’t do. Hassan still gives off that vibe sometimes.

But you mentioned he’s become a lot more social. Don’t you think things could be different if you gave this a second chance?

Deola: That’s what we’ve been trying to figure out. We’ve both grown and changed, and we’re no longer the same people we were years ago. There’s no rush. We’re exclusive, but I want us to be intentional if we’re going to try again, especially since it could lead to marriage.

Hassan: I agree with everything she said. 

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Deola: 7.5. Overall, I feel loved and appreciated, and I know we both put in the work to keep our connection alive.

Hassan: I’d give us 8.  We’ve been given a second chance to get things right, and I love how we’re approaching it this time.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Help Shape Nigeria’s Biggest Love Report! We’re asking Nigerians about relationships, marriage, sex, money, and everything in between. Your anonymous answers will become a landmark report on modern Nigerian love. Click here to take the survey. It’s 100% anonymous.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.