Every year, without fail, Love Island takes over the internet. The US version just wrapped up with Amaya and Bryan taking the crown, and before Nigerian fans of the franchise could even process that, the UK series kicked off.
Naturally, the online discourse is all about who’s the realest couple, with a steamy love triangle already in the mix. Shakira, Harry, and Helena are locked in a mess crazier than the typical Casa Amor drama.
The appeal of Love Island is simple—throw hot, single, attractive people in a gorgeous villa and get them to fall in love. Insert spicy challenges here and there, and you have created a really addictive reality TV show.
Now, what would this show look like in Nigeria? We got busy trying to answer this million-naira question.
Here is what Love Island Nigeria would look like.
1. The First Big Fight Will Be Over Food
If there is anything Big Brother Naija has shown us, it is that once you throw a bunch of Nigerians into a place, the first thing that will cause a fight will be food; “You carried four pieces of meat because you’re gyming? Bro, fear God.” Meanwhile, bro is trying to bulk up to look good for the babes in the villa.
2. Slutshaming On Steroids
The minute a girl kisses two guys, flirts confidently, or dares to enjoy the Love Island games, the timeline will start dragging her like Tiger Gen. “She came here to be kissing anyhow?”
Female contestants of Nigerian reality show who were openly sexual have been branded “runs girls” and “classless,” while their male counterparts are coddled. The same energy will carry into Love Island Nigeria, but it will probably be worse because here, the entire show is about flirting.
ALSO READ: 8 Nigerian Reality Stars Who Must Be on Love Island
3. At Least One Fight Will End With “I’m Not Your Mate”
There is nothing Nigerians love more than forcing respect, over anything; food, house chores, or games. By Day 2, someone will already start shouting: “Don’t talk to me anyhow. I am not your mate.” And that’s how somebody’s government age gets exposed on national TV.
4. The Most Toxic Couple Will Have The Biggest Fanbase
Any good follower of Reality TV in Nigeria would know that Nigerians live for toxicity and are easily fooled by fake ships. The actually healthy couple will leave quietly in week five. And it’s the couple that clearly should not be together, that will trend every night and win the show.
5. The Villa Might Be a Village
Instead of a luxury mansion, the Nigerian Love Island villa would be tucked somewhere remote, maybe Obudu Cattle Ranch? If the budget doesn’t reach, they’ll manage a Lekki shortlet with neon lights, one swing chair for vibes, and a pool the size of two bathtubs.
6. One of The Contestants Will Be a Married Yoruba Man
It’s not even a question. One man on that show will be somebody’s husband—a Yoruba man, specifically.
He’ll cook for his babe, give shoulder to cry on, and win “most emotionally intelligent” on the timeline. Before you know it, his real wife will be calling Instablog.
7. The Show Might Not Be Renewed For Another Season
The minute the girls show up in bikinis, trust somebody’s auntie on Facebook to write: “This is how Sodom and Gomorrah started. Must you be naked to find love?”
The show might not see a second season. Ordinary Big Brother Naija, that is not raunchy, has gotten warnings from NBC, not to mention Love Island, where the whole point of the show is selling romance.
