The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
We dated for a year and have been married for five.
How did you meet?
We met at church. Moyo was the keyboardist, and I was a chorister. I can’t remember exactly when or how we started talking; it was just the usual friendly greetings you exchange with someone you work with on the same team. We saw each other on the weekends at rehearsals and during church service, but I didn’t register him in my brain as a romantic prospect.
Then, in 2019, the church organised a send-off for Moyo when he was moving to a different state for work. Moyo asked me to wait behind, saying he wanted to discuss something with me. The discussion turned out to be a love confession. I remember thinking, “So why didn’t you tell me since? Is it now that you’re relocating?”
I’m screaming. TBH, I get you
Right? We had the opportunity to explore a relationship while we were together in the same place. Now, you want to rope me into the wahala of long-distance. I told him I needed some time to think. But while I didn’t give him a response for three months, that didn’t discourage him. He kept checking in, updating me about his day and making sure we got to know each other.
At some point, I was like, this guy isn’t half bad. He’s handsome and obviously into me. Let’s try it out. So, I stopped doing shakara and agreed to a relationship.
Was navigating a long-distance relationship as tough as you expected?
It wasn’t, actually. It helped that I travelled to see Moyo at least once every month. Each trip cost at least ₦20k to and fro, and he paid for them. I was a corps member, and he had a proper job.
He also handled my hotel bills, food, and any outings we went on when I visited.
The long-distance situation didn’t last long. We got married a year after we started dating, and I moved in with him. It’s been five years, and we have a child now.
How do you both run the home’s finances?
It has mostly been a joint effort, but I’ve taken on at least 70% of the finances over the past year. I recently got a job that pushed my salary to ₦150k more than my husband’s — he earns ₦300k. On top of that, his office has been battling some financial and management issues. They’ve paid staff only 50% of their salary for almost a year.
The solution would’ve been to find another job, but he can’t leave till the end of the year for some legal reasons. So, his take-home pay has been around ₦150k for a while. Before, Moyo contributed 60% of our ₦1m rent, paid school fees and part of the bills, and gave me ₦60k monthly to contribute to the food expenses.
But I now handle 100% of the food bills, utilities and school fees while he tries to save whatever’s left of his salary after removing transportation. These savings go towards rent.
Is there a budget for dates and gifts?
There’s a limit to how much we can go out, especially with a toddler who believes he was created to gum body with me. So, the most we do regarding dates is family visits to restaurants or buying each other clothes. There’s no budget for that; it happens when we think about it. Money has been tight these days, so I can’t remember the last time we went out.
However, we always go all out for each other’s birthdays. We both like surprises, so you can find us saving secretly for months to surprise the other with cake, food and balloons on their birthday. I don’t think we even deliberately buy gifts; we focus more on the experience and making each other feel special.
I spent close to ₦100k on food, decorations and picture frames for his last birthday. I didn’t tell him how much I spent, though. He’d ask why I spent so much considering our current situation.
What kind of money conversations do you both have?
We’re always discussing bills, how much we should save to cover an expense, and what we can afford to buy at a particular time.
However, since his work issue started, Moyo has been touchy about money matters. If I make certain financial decisions (as small as buying fuel) without carrying him along, he’ll imply that it’s because I don’t have to ask him for money. On the other hand, if I tell him we need to buy fuel, he’ll imply I’m trying to make him feel bad about his finances when I know he’s broke. It gets exhausting sometimes.
Hmm. Have you talked to him about this?
I’ve complained about his new attitude several times, and every time, he apologises, promises to do better, and asks me to be a bit more patient with him. Still, nothing really changes. It has been the recurring cause of our fights for a while. Some of these fights got so intense that we had to involve his parents. Last month, I consciously decided to stop complaining because I sense he’s just insecure.
I’m not a man, but I can understand how hard it must be for a man to feel like he can’t provide, especially for someone like my husband, who can drop his last kobo on his family. So, I’m just learning to understand, be patient, and pray for things to get better soon.
Fingers crossed. You mentioned Moyo has savings. How about you?
His savings aren’t exactly savings because they’re primarily for rent. I try to save at least ₦20k monthly towards our emergency fund. We currently have about ₦200k in the account, and it’s our backup in case anything happens.
I’d love to save more, but between all the responsibilities on my neck — Abuja is crazily expensive — it’s a miracle I even have anything left.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I want us to own our home someday. With this economy, it feels like an impossible dream because how many years do we want to save before we can afford a house?
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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