The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Timi, and I have been married for two years. We dated for 9 months before marriage.

How did you meet each other?

We were both members of a Facebook group. Timi was quite popular there. I recall often seeing his posts. Me, I was just a regular commenter, so I was quite surprised when Timi sent me a friend request one random day. I accepted, and we started chatting almost immediately.

Apparently, he’d been reading my comments and liked my opinions. We had similar values and sense of humour, so our conversations flowed naturally. 

We would talk for hours about anything from politics to conspiracy theories. It took him two weeks to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Even before he asked me to be his girlfriend, I knew he would be my husband. We clicked too well. 

Love it for you both. What was your and Timi’s financial situation like?

I was newly unemployed, having just left a toxic job as a lab technician at a hospital. It was even unemployment that pushed me to become an active commenter on the Facebook group. I’d been job-hunting for three months without any luck.

Timi, on the other hand, had a business centre near the state university (we were both in Osogbo at the time), where he made money from student projects, printing and the like. About a month into our relationship, Timi did something very unusual. 

He opened a new bank account, put the bank app on my phone so he wouldn’t have access to it, then started sending everything he made there. Then, every week, he sent me his expense list, and I handled it. 

For instance, if he wanted to send ₦30k to his brother or needed to buy ₦10k fuel, I sent it from the account. I became his unofficial accountant.

Do you know why he did that?

Timi isn’t very good with money. In fact, it was one of the things we talked about before we started dating. He’s bad at tracking his finances and saying “no” when people ask him for money. 

We agreed I was more financially responsible, so he’d run every financial decision by me before making it. I didn’t expect that he’d literally put all his money in my hands one month into our relationship. 

That was another thing that really cemented my conviction that he was my husband. No man would do something like that except he was 100% sure of his future with the person. He was all in, and so was I.

We are married now, and we still run the same arrangement with our finances. Funny enough, the money thing isn’t even the craziest thing Timi has done in our relationship. 

Something else beats that?

Oh yes. My dad died in 2023, while Timi and I were planning for our wedding, and it affected me so much. I was mourning my dad and dealing with bad dreams, fearing that my aged mother would also die soon. 

I shared my fears with Timi, saying how I wished I lived close to my mum in Akure so I could spend more time with her before she passed away. This husband of mine immediately said, “We can move to Akure.” I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.

We were planning our wedding and moving to another city at the same time. I can’t even say for sure how we raised money to make it happen. I had a job at that time, but my ₦70k/month salary was hardly enough for anything. 

Our saving grace was that we were moving to my late dad’s house — I’m the only child, so it’s practically mine — and didn’t need to worry about renting an apartment. Also, Timi’s friends and family really showed up for us. We were just getting financial help all around. Another relative helped us secure a space close to a school area, so Timi could relocate his business, in addition to the one in Osogbo (a colleague manages it for him). God has just been really good to us. I can’t deny how lucky we’ve been.

You mentioned you both maintained the same financial dynamic in your home. How does that work these days?

It’s pretty straightforward. I divide my salary into two and keep half in a savings account. Then I add the remaining half to whatever Timi sends to the account that I have access to. When he needs money, he tells me, and I send it. 

When I make purchases, I tell him. I always try to tell him before spending money, but he really doesn’t care. He trusts my judgement and always says he knows I can’t spend money anyhow without a good reason. That’s the truth, but I carry him along all the same. 

I know our dynamic isn’t common, and most people won’t understand it. One mistake we made when we first got married was letting people know how we ran our finances. It’s not like we were announcing it, sha. It just happened. For instance, if my husband needed to pay for something or send money to anyone, he’d go, “I’ll tell my wife to send it.” 

When people noticed the pattern and asked him or me questions, we’d innocently joke that I was the accountant who handled every expense. Before long, people started telling my husband things like, “You don’t do things that way,” and “Why will you let your wife know the exact amount of money you have?” Someone even said, “As a man, you mean you don’t have anything? Your wife has cooked efo (cast a spell) on your head.”

Wahala

Thankfully, Timi is not the type of man who cares what anyone else thinks. It’s that thing that’s unconventional gan gan he always wants to do. We sha stopped telling people. 

Some family members and close friends know about it, but they still don’t understand. We’ve both stopped explaining. We’re sure everyone talks behind our backs, but they’ll be fine. It’s our marriage, after all.

That’s right. How do you both budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

We used to go to eateries at least twice a month when we were dating and in our first year of marriage. I handled the payment (from his account) when this happened.

However, the dates haven’t been regular because business hasn’t been so great lately, and everything is now expensive. We’re looking to start another business, which is why I’ve been saving ₦50k (half my salary) every month. The remaining ₦50k barely covers food. So right now, we’re just managing that and whatever Timi makes from the business centre.

What does this safety net look like now?

We’ve saved ₦350k. The plan is to hit ₦500k in the next three months and start something else. 

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

We’re currently trusting God for a child. I want it to happen soon, but I’m also hoping we can be a bit more financially stable before then. So, an ideal future would be us with our kids and thriving businesses.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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