The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
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How long have you been with your partner?
Wale and I have been together since 2022. That’s like four years now. Honestly, these have been some of the best years of my life.
Love it. How did you meet?
We met during our first year of uni in an economics class. I’d seen Wale around, and I can’t lie, I thought he was so fine. I initially didn’t talk to him because he was very troublesome. We were about three weeks into classes, and everyone was new enough not to show their true colours yet. But Wale and some friends didn’t care about that. They would laugh and make noise even when the lecturers were talking.
He was sent out of class thrice in our first month. One of those times, I was asking my classmate for something when the lecturer caught me, and sent me out a few minutes after Wale.
When Wale saw me, he immediately struck up a conversation. I remember him being very friendly, which helped because I can be shy. We became friends that day.
When did feelings develop?
Not long after that. Wale and I started walking to our classes together. I liked going to school early, so Wale would wake up before 9 a.m. so that we could go together. I think that intentionality was the first thing that attracted me to him beyond his looks.
I also liked his friendliness. As troublesome as he was, our lecturers really liked him, and so did our classmates. Even though he got so popular so fast, Wale always made time to be with me. We went from walking to school to sitting together in class. Then, when I returned to the hostel, I would watch a movie and call him so we could talk about it as it was showing.
About two months into our first year, I finally told a friend I liked him. The day after that, on our walk to school, Wale casually mentioned that the friend had told him I liked him, and that he liked me back.
We were dating before our first class of the day began.
Aww. Sweet
Our classmates were overjoyed. Everyone had shipped us since we became friends, so we were sort of like a class couple. My favourite lecturer told me I made Wale serious because anytime they saw him studying, he was with me.
I don’t know if it was my influence, but Wale maintained a 4.0 CGPA throughout school, while I had a 4.4 CGPA.
Everything about our relationship was easy. I liked that Wale didn’t play games or stress me, and he openly showed his love for me. The only thing I worried about was money.
Money?
Yes. Wale had a habit of borrowing. In our second year, he told me his family was having financial problems, and his dad couldn’t regularly send him an allowance. At the time, my parents sent me a ₦90k monthly allowance, and the second I told Wale, he started asking me for money at least once a week.
He never asked for more than ₦5k, and since I knew he was struggling, I tried not to mind. But one time I checked his account and saw he had like ₦80k, even after he’d asked me for ₦1k earlier.
It was the first time I got really angry at him. He told me he was sorry and that the ₦80k came after I sent him my ₦1k. He immediately repaid me with interest, but that was probably the only time in our four years of uni that he repaid me.
I really don’t know exactly how much he took from me over those four years, but I know it was a lot.
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That’s interesting.
He’s a good man, I promise. I just think his family issues make him hoard money a little. He’s not an extravagant spender. Usually, whenever he buys something expensive, it’s a gift for his friends or me. For example, on our fourth anniversary, he bought me a huge teddy bear. It must have cost at least ₦10k.
That said, his habit of borrowing still makes me anxious. Even more so now that we’ve graduated.
Why?
We graduated at the end of 2025, and he got a job a month after as a data analyst earning ₦110k/month. I’m very proud of him, but the borrowing hasn’t stopped. What’s worse is I’m taking some time to rest after school, so I’m not earning anything right now. Because I now live at home, my parents have dropped my allowance from ₦90k to ₦75k. Wale knows this, but he still asks for money.
He can say he spent too much and just needs something to last him through to salary week, or that he had to buy things for the house — he lives with his parents and sister. I think those are reasonable excuses, but one time he asked me for money the day after he got paid, and I refused to believe he was broke.
We fought about it, and he told me I didn’t love him, which was just insane. We took a three-week break, and it was so hard. Wale is my first boyfriend, and being away from him felt like hell. He eventually apologised, and I was so happy that I just sent him the money.
I see. How much money are we talking about?
That’s another thing. Wale no longer asks me for ₦5k. Now it’s like between ₦20k and ₦30k. I often wonder, “He’s earning steadily, what does he need my money for?”
What bothers me more than the fact that he’s constantly borrowing and not paying back is the fact that I think he’s lying. He earns ₦110k, and I know he saves about ₦20k every month just to save, but I’m not clear on how he spends the other ₦90k.
I know he sometimes buys food for his house and hangs out with friends, but his financial situation should not be this bad.
Do you discuss these concerns with him? Or have any other money conversations?
We barely talk about money, and I see now how that’s a problem. The most serious money conversation Wale and I had was at uni, when he told me about his parents’ financial struggles, and I told him how much my parents were sending me. That, plus his excuses for borrowing from me and our fight, is as far as our money conversations have gone.
I think the fact that my parents have always provided for me contributes to this. I’ve never really worried about money, so I didn’t think to have more serious conversations about it with Wale until this borrowing matter got out of hand.
I also think my privilege doesn’t let me fully understand Wale’s point of view, so I still try to give him grace. Even with our current issue, I’m more worried about his intentions than the money.
What do you suspect his intentions are?
I have no clue. Maybe buying food for his household of four costs more than I think. Maybe he’s trying to build a savings account I don’t know about. I’ve considered that he might be cheating or going to places he isn’t telling me about, but I track his location. Most of the time, he’s at work, and if not at work, then at home.
I should just ask him, but the last time I dared to question Wale about money was the time we fought and were apart for three weeks. I’m worried the same thing will happen again if I confront him.
This recent borrowing of larger amounts has been going on for about 8 months. I wish I’d stopped it earlier, because for the last three months I’ve caught myself actually setting aside ₦30k for him in case he asks. I just want to keep the peace. After our fight last time, I’ve been scared to bring up the topic again or to deny him the money in case it upsets him.
I understand. But is there peace?
Yes. As I said, Wale doesn’t stress me outside this money issue. We still hang out with our friends, and he’s still so loving. He makes me laugh more than anybody in the world, and last month he even brought up marriage.
It was just a casual discussion about our future, but I was so excited. I think I want to spend my life with him, which is why this money issue bothers me so much. I don’t know if I can marry him if he’s leeching off me, but I don’t know how to let him go. If he could just be upfront about his spending, everything would be okay.
I’m still contemplating what to do next, but my elder sister has told me to leave him.
Why did she say that?
She has never liked Wale. She was in her third year when I was in my first, and for the two years we schooled together, she always told me he was trouble.
This was even before she knew about this whole money thing. She only found out when I graduated and started living at home with our family again. My allowance always depleted too quickly, so I had to tell her.
She thinks Wale is a thief, and I don’t see how bad the situation is because I love him. I love my sister more than anyone in the world, and I know she would never say things like that if not for my best interests, but I’m still struggling to heed her plea for me to leave Wale.
Do you think you will?
Maybe. My parents plan to fund my master’s degree in the UK next year, so maybe when I go, Wale and I will just naturally separate. However, I’ll be lying if I say I have the courage to break up with him right now. In a way, I feel like he’s my soulmate. No one understands me or loves me as openly as Wale. My biggest worry now is that this new talk of marriage will get to my head, and I’ll struggle even more to let him go.
As of right now, I think I’m going to try to have a proper conversation with him. No fighting. Just a serious discussion about what he’s actually doing with his and my money.
I hope we can move past this. Maybe it’s because he’s my first love, but I really don’t know if there’s anyone for me other than him.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
