The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
7 years. My wife, Uchechi, and I dated for a year and have been married for 6.
How did you meet?
We met in December 2017. We’re from the same village and had travelled home for Christmas. I was seriously considering getting married, and I knew she was potential wife material when I met her. She was friendly, homely and very beautiful.
I still needed to know more about her before making a decision, so I spent most of my time in the village asking about her and her family. When I was satisfied with my findings, I got her number through a relative and sent her a WhatsApp message: “My name is Emeka, and I want to marry you.”
Just like that? How did she respond?
She responded with a laugh emoji and said, “I don’t even know what you look like and you want to marry me?”
I called her to introduce myself, and we started talking from there. This was in January, and she’d already left the village. However, I knew we both lived in Lagos from my findings, so I asked to see her after I returned to Lagos. I remember it took weeks for us to find time to see each other. She’d just gotten a contract job at a bank and was always busy. When she was free, my own schedule didn’t work.
We eventually settled on her coming to my place one evening and then going to work the next day from there. I even cooked for her that day. We didn’t do the “Will you be my girlfriend?” thing. She knew what I wanted, and we just continued like that. Money issues were the only reason it took us a year to get married.
How so?
My landlord at the time suddenly served me a quit notice, and I had to start house hunting. Everyone knows how expensive it is to rent a new apartment in Lagos, especially with all the additional fees, the cost of moving in and setting up the place.
At the same time, I was also gathering money for the wedding. Getting married in my village is famously expensive due to the bride price list and all the things I had to buy. I was actually prepared for that. I had nearly ₦1m in my savings, specifically for my wedding, but the house issue ruined all my plans. So, I had to start saving again.
What were both of your financial situations like at that time?
This was in 2018/2019, and I earned ₦120k monthly. I also had a small importation business with my sister that occasionally brought in money, but it wasn’t regular income. My sister did most of the heavy lifting; I only helped with capital, and she sometimes gave me a share of the profit.
I’m not sure what Uchechi was earning at the time. I didn’t really concern myself with what she earned since I was handling all the wedding expenses. In my place, it’s the man who marries the woman. You can’t tell a woman to bring money to marry herself.
Interesting. Does this also apply to how you both manage finances in your home?
Not exactly. I handle the bulk of the expenses, including house rent, school fees, and food, but Uchechi supports the home from her ₦350k salary. She can buy small things for the kids and handle other household essentials, such as fuel, cooking gas, and settle utility bills.
I don’t think the man can pay for every single thing in this economy. When I’m not a millionaire. We plan our expenses together, and that’s how we manage to survive.
I should also mention that I’m thankful for the kind of wife I have. It’s easy for me to be transparent about my income and for us to plan our finances together because she’s not the type to bill unnecessarily. Of course, she asks me for money, but she’s always reasonable about it. We occasionally argue about money, but it’s not every time.
What are these money arguments about?
My wife often tries to pressure me into supporting her family (my in-laws) more by placing at least one parent on a monthly allowance. Her parents are retired, and things are financially rough for them, but I can’t commit to that.
My wife knows more than anyone how we manage to make things work. Why would I put myself under extra pressure? I send them ₦20k once in a while, but I don’t intend to make it a monthly payment to avoid undue pressure. I know she probably gives them money secretly, but it’s her money. As long as she’s not asking me and continues to support our home as necessary, I don’t have a problem.
That reminds me of another small recurrent issue we have. I want my wife to quit her job, but she has been doing everything to change my mind.
Why do you want her to quit?
She works with an advocacy-focused organisation and travels for work once or twice a month. She works late sometimes, too. It’s always difficult to manage with the kids when she’s not around.
I’ve told her to quit and find something else that allows her to have time for the home, too. Her income is important, but I don’t have a problem with us managing on my income until she finds something else. I’ve been saying this for a couple of months now, but she keeps coming up with different excuses not to quit.
At first, she said it’d be better to find a job before leaving. But she hardly has free time to do anything, let alone job-hunting. Then she said it’ll be hard to live on my salary alone. But shouldn’t I be the one complaining about that? I’ll probably give her until the end of the year. After that, no more excuses.
Hmm. But what if she doesn’t find another job quickly?
Then she’ll have to start a business, preferably one she can run from home. I’m not pushing for that yet because I don’t have money to give her as capital. If job-hunting takes too long, I’ll have to look for money to set her up.
Do you have a safety net?
Oh yes. I’m a religious saver. I save at least ₦30k monthly, and also do a ₦50k monthly ajo contribution towards house rent. I think I have about ₦500k in my savings account right now.
I’m sure my wife has some savings as well, but I don’t ask about it. I believe it’s healthy for women to have some money of their own stashed somewhere in case of emergencies. I advise my sisters to do the same.
Do you have a budget for romance and gifts in your relationship?
There’s no strict budget, but I sometimes visit eateries with my wife and kids. Other times, they say they want to eat pizza and ice cream, and I buy that too.
Gifts come during birthdays and Valentine’s Day. My wife even prefers I give her money, so she’s fine with a credit alert. I usually send between ₦30k and ₦50k.
Then there’s the usual billing once in a while. “Darling, come and buy this hair for me.” “Darling, this dress will fit me o.” If I can afford it, I pay for it. Other times, I give her part of the money.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
To have enough money to leave the country whenever we want to. I may or may not relocate permanently, but it would be nice to know we have that option if this country gets worse.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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