The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

How long have you been with your partner?

Four years. My husband, Femi, and I dated for two years before we got married in February 2024.

How did you meet?

We attended the same secondary school, but Femi was about two sets ahead of me, so we didn’t meet there. We interacted for the first time on our school alumni WhatsApp group. 

The admins had organised a small competition, and Femi and I were head-to-head, dragging it out for the first prize of ₦1k in airtime. Anyway, I won, and Femi entered my DM and was like, “I like your competitive spirit.” 

We started talking and vibed right away. Within weeks, we’d planned a meet-up at his friend’s house party. We became official that night.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

We talked a lot. It’s almost like we knew we’d be endgame right from the start, so a lot of our conversations were about our future; how we’d run our home, etc. 

I’d never gotten so serious with a romantic partner as fast, and it convinced me Femi was the one. Also, he wasn’t a misogynist, which was very important to me. I’ve dated my share of men who think women are beneath them, so I deliberately asked Femi several questions to feel him out, and his answers satisfied me. 

Did these conversations also extend to money?

Oh yes. Femi was the first man I’ve dated to tell me his salary straight up without me asking. He worked in HR and was earning ₦200k/month when we started dating. I’d just pivoted into data analysis and was still hustling for internships paying ₦80k – ₦100k/month. 

We were very open with each other about our earnings and subconsciously started applying a 50/50 approach to joint expenses like dates.

Subconsciously?

Yeah. I’m not sure when or how we decided to split expenses. We just started doing it. If Femi initiated a date today, he would pay the bills. If I initiated tomorrow, I would handle the bills. 

One time, we travelled out of state for a three-day staycation, and we took turns paying the bills. For instance, Femi paid for the transportation, and when we got there, I paid the hotel fee. He didn’t ask me to do so; I just did. It was like an unspoken rule in our relationship.

I see

We later had a proper conversation about finances during our wedding planning in late 2023. As part of our church’s marriage counselling process, they give the intending couple a list of topics and conversation guides to discuss to ensure we are on the same page. 

One of the topics was “How we intend to split finances after marriage.” The day we discussed it, Femi read out the topic and immediately answered, “Of course, we’ll split bills equally, right?” I didn’t think much of it and just said yes, especially since we were already doing a form of it. 

Knowing what I do now, I should’ve never agreed to that. I think I was tricked into accepting that, haha. 50/50 never favours women.

Why? What changed?

For starters, any married woman who intends to be a mother is already at a disadvantage. There can never be equality in sharing responsibilities because she naturally takes up a bulk of the child care and mental labour.

We have a five-month-old baby now. Even though both Femi and I work, I handle over 90% of the child care because I’m the mother. Plus, I work from home, so I must juggle both motherhood and work stress. On top of that, I contribute equally to the home expenses. 

In fact, up until last month, I was contributing more because I handle food bills while Femi takes care of rent. One thing people don’t know is that daily food expenses add up and can be even more financially draining than “big bills” like rent. Imagine spending ₦40k on food weekly, that’s like ₦160k monthly and almost ₦2m yearly. Meanwhile, our rent is ₦1.8m. 

When I clocked that towards the end of last year, I had to do a food expenses breakdown with Femi so he’d understand. Besides the food bills, I do more of the house chores. Femi does his share of the laundry and cleaning, but he doesn’t know how to cook, so I do it. Cooking is serious work o.

I agree like mad

Exactly. So, I don’t believe we’re doing a purely 50/50 arrangement. Also, Femi changed jobs recently and now earns ₦700k/month, which is more than my ₦550k. I’ve told him we need to revisit our arrangement so he takes on more responsibility and I take less. He’s pushing back, saying he’d like us to save the extra income for joint projects. 

So right now, I’m in a dilemma. His reason for keeping things the way they are makes sense. It’ll be great to have more savings. But something tells me that if I fail to overturn the 50/50 arrangement now, something will always come up to stop us from reviewing our finances. I might be stuck in this situation forever. I wish I’d known better before starting it. I’m trying to believe all hope is not lost yet, though. I’ll keep bringing it up.

Hopefully, you both find something that sticks. How do dates and gifting work in your relationship?

We used to do biweekly dates when we were dating, but marriage and parenting have turned it into a once-in-a-blue-moon activity. The last time we went out was to celebrate our anniversary a few days ago. We ate at a nice restaurant, and Femi handled the bills.

For gifts, we don’t do that a lot. Maybe it’s because we’re often talking to each other about planned expenses. Whenever someone needs something, we just talk about it to decide whether we can afford it, then buy it. 

How about savings?

We both contribute 20% of our incomes to a shared savings account, hold on to 25% for personal expenses (or savings) and then push the rest towards our home expenses. 

We use the money in the joint savings for big projects. We currently have nothing in the account, because we just liquidated it to install a solar power and inverter system at home. It cost us ₦2.5m.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

Ideally? For both of us to become billionaires with real estate and stock assets.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: We Can Afford Our Needs, but I’m Not Financially Ready for a Baby