After years of showing up for everyone, paying black tax and putting herself last, Motun* (30) decided to do something radical for her 30th birthday: choose herself.
In this story, she shares how she spent her entire savings over a weekend, and why she has no regrets.
This is Motun’s story, as told to Boluwatife
On the morning after my birthday weekend, I woke up in a fluffy white robe, body sore from dancing. The first thing I did was turn on my phone.
The screen lit up, and my eye caught a debit alert from my bank. I’d gotten similar alerts all weekend and deliberately ignored them. But I couldn’t run away from reality anymore.
My account balance read ₦18,710. I was aggressively broke.
My heart sank. My body wanted to go into panic mode. But then I took a deep breath. I knew why I’d done it. I chose it, and I’d do it again.
People say money can’t buy happiness, but I decided to buy my own happiness this year. I turned 30, and was sure I didn’t want to stick to my tradition of doing things lowkey.
Usually, the most I do for my birthday is buy a cake and take pictures with my family and friends. If I wanted to do more, I’d buy a pair of shoes I’d been eyeing for months. I always told myself I didn’t need to spend money to have a good time. There were more important things to spend on.
This year, I didn’t want “affordable” joy; I wanted the full experience, and that’s what I did during my birthday weekend. At the end, I spent just over ₦2 million. And no, I’m not rich; not even close. I’m just a brand manager earning ₦450k/month. But for once, I made myself the priority.
Why? I was tired of performing survival and prioritising everyone except myself.
I’m the first child of four, born and raised in a household where the idea of luxury was eating Mr Biggs’ meatpie and ice cream on birthdays. I started contributing to the family income right after NYSC in 2018.
While some people were building savings or buying new clothes to treat themselves, I was paying rent for my retired parents, covering hospital bills for my sister, who lives with sickle cell, and scraping every naira to survive.
Every debit alert had a purpose. Once my salary hit, I had to sort out my family first before thinking of anything else. It wasn’t always easy, but I have to say I wasn’t obligated to play this role; it just felt like love. It didn’t make sense that my family should struggle when I was in a position to help.
I wasn’t carrying all the burdens alone. My immediate younger brother also pitched in when he could. If the economy had been better and my sister had been healthier, the financial burden wouldn’t have been that much. Perhaps I’d have been able to still have a life while assisting my family. Unfortunately, that’s what life threw at us.
That said, I don’t regret any of it. Again, it’s my family, and I couldn’t abandon them. But somewhere along the line, I forgot what it meant to do something for myself. Not just keeping a ₦20k shoe or dress in my wishlist for months and using my birthday as the only reasonable excuse to buy it, but something radically joyful that didn’t serve anyone but me.
One day in 2023, it really hit me that I needed to pay more attention to my needs. I spent weeks agonising over whether to drop ₦12k on photochromic glasses.
The constant headaches I got from working on my laptop were enough proof to buy them, but I still hesitated.
Around the same period, a family need came up and I sent ₦20k without thinking twice. I remember thinking, “I have to learn how to choose myself.”
So, when I hit 30, it wasn’t just a birthday. It was a quiet rebellion.
I saved for almost two years. When I intentionally started saving in 2023, the goal wasn’t to spend it all on my birthday. I just wanted to put something aside to call my own. So, even when the black tax requests piled in, I ensured they didn’t affect my ₦20k – ₦30k monthly savings.
The idea to spend it all on my 30th birthday materialised early this year. By then, I had just about ₦500k in savings, but I unexpectedly got two freelance projects back-to-back that brought me about ₦1.5m.
I considered locking up the money somewhere in case of any family emergency, but someone posted their birthday celebration on Instagram, and the idea came to me: What better way to shake off the shackles of responsibility and force myself to live for me than doing something extremely crazy?
So, I started planning. I didn’t tell anyone about my windfall to avoid the temptation of dipping into it to help them if they returned with a request.
I booked a photographer whose work I’d admired for the longest time. Dropping ₦350k for a birthday shoot caused me actual chest pain, but there was no going back. That same day, I bought a wig and closed my eyes as I pressed “send” on the ₦600k transaction.
My birthday was still a few months away, but I worried I’d talk myself into not spending the money if I let it sit in my account. So, I went all out. I got a new dress, had my makeup done and got the most stunning pictures I’ve ever seen in my life. I still look at those pictures occasionally to remind myself I’m a gorgeous babe.
When my birthday actually came, I booked a beachfront apartment for the weekend and hung out with my best friend. We got food, took pictures and videos, explored activities, curated a Spotify playlist and danced like we had no worries.
The final bill, including the pre-birthday shoot and expenses, was just over ₦2m. It would have been more, but my best friend shared some of the weekend getaway expenses (mostly the food). The whole affair seriously depleted my savings, but I regret nothing.
Okay, maybe I regretted it for about five minutes when I saw my account balance. But I enjoyed the experience. I wanted to spend money without doing mental maths or worrying about having enough left to survive or provide for my family.
I gave to myself with the same intensity and intentionality I’ve given to everyone else for years.
Somehow, I survived the remaining few days of that month with the ₦18,710 in my account before my salary came. Sure, I drank garri more than a few times, but I didn’t die.
Was the birthday splurge selfish or even foolish? Maybe. But I think I deserve to be selfish and foolish a few times in this adult life. I’ve always made sensible decisions and shown up for other people. It was the first time I showed up for myself.
Would I do it again? Maybe not any time soon. My bank account deserves a sabbatical. For now, I’ll focus on getting more freelance projects and growing my account to the point where ₦2m no longer feels like big money.
However, I can say I’m no longer waiting for permission to live beautifully. After everything I’ve given to others, I deserve softness, too — not as a reward for hard work, but as my baseline.
*Name has been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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