The Men I Drink Beer With Show Up For Me — Man Like Muyiwa

February 28, 2021

What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up.

“Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.

The subject of today’s “Man Like” is Muyiwa. He’s a writer and business mogul. He tells us why men should live intentionally, the role of friendship in his life, and his beer journeys.

When did you get your “Man now” moment? 

I don’t think I’ve had one moment. For me, it’s been a lot of small moments which always comes down to people being able to rely on me when the stakes are high. And not just anybody. I’m talking about my parents respecting me enough to ask for my opinion — about something high level that’s bothering them — not to ask for money or send me on an errand. And when I talk they actually listen to me. 

That didn’t always happen. If your experience is limited no one is going to call you for advice. If you’ve never faced certain conditions, no one is going to call you. 


In addition to my parents, I also have friends who ask for my opinion. My friend wants to quit their job and they aren’t sure so they reach out. A friend who’s a parent calls to ask about the pros and cons of buying a house vs sending a kid to school abroad. That’s as high stakes as it gets, and I’m like, “What do I fucking know that somebody is asking for my opinion?”

The older I get, I find that people want me to weigh in on things. Half the time I’m screaming, “See, I don’t have the answers any more than you do.” But there’s also the part where they don’t need me to have answers — sometimes explaining how I’m thinking of their problem is all the help they need. You’d be surprised at the kind of person you are when the stakes are high. 

Don’t these expectations scare you? 

To be fair, not a lot of things scare me. Dealing with my own fair share of challenges early prepared me. In university, I had an extra semester that became an extra year simply because they moved the course to the second semester. I got out of uni, and I couldn’t find a job for a year. When I found a decent enough job, I got dragged to court by my employer and spent four to five days in prison for nothing.

All these experiences coupled with personal failures helped me redefine what to be scared of. For things I can control, like work, relationships, I’ve learnt that increasing knowledge reduces my fear. Then for things that I can’t control, like death, there’s nothing you can do. You just get on with it. I understand that a lot of this is based on my disposition to life; my perspective is that as long as I’m not dead, I’ll keep trying. 

This sounds super hardcore. I’m curious about how you get through a difficult day/bad patch.

Ọmọ. Bad patch differs from bad patch. There’s a regular bad patch where you go home, drink a beer and call a friend to talk about your day. There are other bad patches where you need to call your family because they’re the only ones who can bring the energy you need at that point. I’m not really a sharer, and this is sometimes a limitation. However, I’ve found that whenever I open up, my friends are really invested in my life. I don’t take it for granted that I can tell them about a bad day and they’ll call to check up throughout that week.

I find time to drink beer twice a month with my closest friends. Beyond the drinking, I’ve realised that we’re lowkey a support group where we encourage each other, share things we’re working on, and help members in financial distress. My friends are my family, and in them, I’ve found my tribe. 

Wahala for who no get tribe.

When I was younger, I used to say a lot of weird things. Like “the people you work with are not your friends.” or “Twitter people are not your friends.” Life, time and the benefit of experience have shown that those statements were garbage.

When I went to prison, some of my closest friends didn’t show up. Instead, it was the people I used to drink beer with that showed up. These guys left their jobs and were running around for me. One of them even stood as a surety for me. It was at that moment I saw that with each hangout, our relationship had slowly become more rooted. We now have a WhatsApp group where we talk about serious things and also just banter. It’s a pretty safe space where I can say “I’ve had a shitty day and I need someone to come over”, and someone would leave their office. 

Ahan. I too want to partake in this.

Lmao. It’s a closed WhatsApp group. 

You said something about not being a sharer. How does this play out in romantic relationships? 

My love life is a disaster, and it’s the subject of unending continuous jokes among my friends. Not being a sharer is not good for any relationship, but I like to think that it gets easier the more I get comfortable with the person.

I’ve realised that there are things that I don’t share because I haven’t processed the event. However, I’ve learned that it’s important to communicate this reality to my partner. Something as simple as saying, “I don’t want to talk about it right now because I’m still processing.” or “Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

Hmm. Does this influence the kind of people you date?

I wish I could say that I’m intentional about relationships, but the truth is that many times, my relationships are anywhere belle face. And that’s not a good thing. I’ve been lucky to meet amazing people, so I’ve not been pressured to change my methods. I generally find that I don’t attract impatient people. 

What’s one relationship that has added to the quality of your life?

This will be divided into two. The human part and my dog. You think your dog annoys you until he is out of the house for four days. You go to the parlour and it’s empty. You feel an ache when you look at the door to your room and you don’t see your dog there. Then you say to yourself: “God forbid, I’m missing a dog.” 

It’s funny because I used my fridge money to buy my dog, Charlie. I had ₦50,000  to buy a fridge, and I opened Twitter and saw someone selling American Eskimo for ₦45,000. That’s how the money got diverted. I couldn’t afford a fridge for another nine months. 


What of the human part?

That’d be my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Nothing has ever challenged my perception of self like that. We arrive at a point where we think we’re perfect, do all the right things and we’re great at communication. If you’re lucky, someone comes along to challenge these notions and you get some growth. I think everyone needs the type of love that makes you say, “Wait, me?” By being aware of your shortcomings, it becomes easier to apologise and you become open to criticism. 

I feel attacked. 


What does masculinity mean to you?

Masculinity is about showing up for your shift, doing your best and accepting whatever result comes with your head unbowed. And also knowing that sometimes your head will be bowed — this is where the relationships you build with people become useful. You can find safety within them. 

If you say you have friends, and you don’t call them in a month, you’re not showing up for your shift in that friendship. Call your friends, take them out for drinks, pay attention when they talk so you know what’s going on in their lives. Buy something for your friends that lets them know they’re your guys. Show up for your family. Even if people complain about black tax, understand your own situation and realise we’re all different. Find joy in being there for your family. Don’t spend all your time chasing money that you forget to show up for people.

Profound. Do you have role models that shaped your idea of masculinity?

I’d say my father is a pretty strong figure though we didn’t get along when I was growing up. He is a strong example of you must go through good times and bad times, but you must always get on with life. My father has embodied to me that a man is human, flawed and with his own virtue. And at the end of the day, it counts to really try — you can’t KPI your life like some to-do list. You have to live intentionally and genuinely. 

Love it. 

What does the perfect drink look like to you? 

LMAO. I feel like it changes. In 2006, it was Star because there was Star Trek and everyone drank it. Then I moved to Heineken, but it was too expensive so I had to do anywhere belle face. I moved to Hero. I really enjoyed drinking Trophy before because that beer knew where I hurt and did a good job of soothing the pain. It was a chilled beer that was neither too heavy nor light. Almost like a Lagos man that can form tush or werey depending on the situation. 

Lately, I’ve been drinking Tiger beer. I’m turning thirty this year and it’s the perfect beer for my thirties. Mostly because I’m currently in the space where you’ll find me just chilling with a cold bottle while judging the whole world. 


Check back every Sunday by 12 pm for new stories in the “Man Like” series. If you’d like to be featured or you know anyone that would be perfect for this, kindly send an email.

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Hassan Yahaya

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

August 28, 2020

Relationships are meant to be two-sided. But men seem to always get the short end of the stick when it comes to having expectations weighed on them. Here are some of the most unreasonable expectations women have for men in relationships. 1. Massages Boyfriend, not masseuse. Women will want massages at every inconvenience and you’ll […]

September 4, 2020

Masturbation is actually good for you. For men, it helps protect you against prostate cancer. For everybody else, it’s a great way to improve your mood and help you sleep better. Unfortunately, the African society doesn’t seem to take too kindly to this hobby. For something people do so much, we find the wildest euphemisms […]


Now on Zikoko

April 19, 2021

There’s always that one thing you can beat your chest about even if all else fails. It is your unique selling point or distinguishing factor as an individual wherever you go, ak.a your flex. This quiz will reveal what yours is. Dive in.

April 19, 2021

We all have things that we do that make us feel just a little bit guilty. These six Nigerian women share with us what their guilty pleasures are. Bola, 25 Pringles. I love pringles so much. In school, I used to set money aside from my allowance to buy Pringles. It was even a part […]

April 19, 2021

People (and by people I mean strangers on the internet) are often quick to say “Nigerian men and women were made for each other. I decided to confirm if this match was made in heaven or Nigerian men were better suited to others. I asked six Nigerian men about their romantic experiences with non-Nigerians. Here’s […]

April 19, 2021

Mummy, daddy, uncle and aunty, we shall not be beating around the bush. Here is a list of things you do that we do not appreciate and we think you need to stop doing them.  T for Thanks. 1. Sending Whatsapp broadcasts (a.k.a forwarded many times) Please, make it stop. The broadcasts are always so […]

April 19, 2021

Bras are one of the most unnecessary things on earth. They dig into your skin, leave marks on your shoulder, and are just downright uncomfortable especially if you have bigger breasts. Now, because we all hate bras, here are some alternatives. 1) Nylon We are all about recycling and taking better care of the environment, […]

Recommended Quizzes

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

More from Man Dem

April 19, 2021

People (and by people I mean strangers on the internet) are often quick to say “Nigerian men and women were made for each other. I decided to confirm if this match was made in heaven or Nigerian men were better suited to others. I asked six Nigerian men about their romantic experiences with non-Nigerians. Here’s […]

April 18, 2021

The subject of today’s Man Like is Timileyin, a project and facilities manager. He talks about his father’s imprint on his character, how his parents’ marriage guides his approach to romantic relationships and why crying is therapeutic. When did you realise you were a man? Every time I open an episode of ‘Man Like‘ and […]

April 14, 2021

For the average African man, the assumption is that there’s marriage somewhere on the horizon once they are in the twilight of their late twenties. Playful jests of “when will you marry” start to chime in from all angles. However, not all men believe in for better for worse, nor in death doing them part. […]

April 12, 2021

I am genuinely fascinated by relationship dynamics between Nigerians especially when it comes to giving gifts to their partners. So I set out to speak to as many Nigerian men who were willing to speak to me and asked them who the most generous partner they’ve ever had is. And the answers amazed me. Here […]

April 11, 2021

Today’s Man Like is Andy Obuoforibo, a 40-year-old politician and product manager. He tells us about how his father’s warmth and work ethic taught him the real meaning of masculinity, how his mother’s foray into politics influenced him to participate in politics and why he supports the LGBTQ+ movement as a Nigerian politician. When did […]

April 7, 2021

If you’re a man and you can read this, there’s something here for you. What does your footwear say about you? We have the answers. 1. Sandals You’ve seen things in this life, and there’s no need to even bother looking good anymore. Life is more than fashion. You’re probably also 40+. 2. Chelsea boots […]

April 7, 2021

In 2018, Luke*, a 31-year-old content strategist, was working at a media startup that required him to put in a lot of hours — a job he describes as “mentally draining”. However, even when he could clock out, Luke refused to. ‘‘Some days, I would finish working early, but I’d refuse to go back home […]

April 6, 2021

As told to Femi. Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved. I met Chris* in a Zikoko Clubhouse room while he was describing his experience with relationships as a polyamorous man. He had quite the story to tell. I […]


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.