Thanks to Uncle Bubu, AFCON brought both tears and rage to the eyes of many Nigerian men. These men were deeply enraged by the loss to Tunisia and Maduka Okoye suffered in their hands. Honestly, all we can say is, let’s see this energy on Valentine’s day o. The whole drama brought us to one conclusion: men will do the craziest things for the love of sports. We went out to test the theory and these seven ridiculous fanboys have proved us right.
1. Starving as a ritual
I could never eat before a game. For instance, once Barca is playing in the Champions League, everything else has to be shut down. The only focus is Barca until the end of the day. Game days were like my own Sabbath day for football. There’s no food or work until the end of the game. Absolutely nothing was permitted to distract me and my mother understood the boundary. As long as Barca was on, she knew it would be war, getting me to do anything around the house.
2. Betting their life savings
My love for football led me to gambling — up Madrid for life. It started out as a way to make quick money to fix my phone — I got ₦50k for betting ₦5k. Omo. After that I kept going. In the first three months I lost about ₦120k, but I kept going. There was just something liberating about placing a bet whether I lost or not. In January, I made my biggest bet and cashed out on the Real Madrid vs A. Bilbao match. I needed money to pay my rent, so I put in my salary for the bet. It was ₦300k and cashed out ₦600k. This is what I call dedication and hard work. If I didn’t win, it might have been a different story — I knew Real Madrid could never disappoint me.
3. Wasting their parents’ ₦600k for rubbish
My love for basketball started from my years as a teenager. When I was in SS3, I snuck out of tthe boarding school conpound at night to watch a Lakers game. It was all night and I had my WAEC’s physics paper by 7 a.m. the next morning. After the game, there were no cabs and I had to stay behind at the viewing centre till the next morning. I didn’t get back to school until 8 a.m. and the invigilator didn’t let me in. That’s how I had to retake WAEC the next year.
4. Eating nonsense like milk and beans to win games
My love for sports didn’t start today. I was in the acrobatics team in secondary school — I was ready to do anything to win a match. One of my friend’s told me to eat beans and milk so I could be light before one of the competitions we had in school. He told me I would be able to somersault and win the medal for our team. I ended up winning the silver medal, but I vomitted on stage. The principal asked me to clean up before presenting me with the medal. I never collected it because the principal was furious for the rest of the day; it’s thunder that will strike that guy that lied to me.
5. Hosting prayer meetings
As a football fanatic, I used to hold prayer sessions before my team played in any final. In secondary school, I wrote the name of every player on the team and placed it in my bible to pray over it. I kept up with the tradition for a couple of years, but Arsenal just kept breaking my heart. I remember casting and binding for the Europa league final against Chelsea. I’ve never prayed for something so hard. Arsenal still failed me after everything. We lost by three goals. I was in severe pain.
6. Disowning their children
My daughter betrayed me. I had to send her out of the house for the rest of the day. It was a match between Manchester United and Chelsea. Like any other human being, I was rooting for my club the Red Devils. Next thing, my daughter walked in chanting, “Up Chelsea.” She was about twelve then. I wanted to beat her honestly. I ended up making her sit on the chair in the balcony until her mother came back from work. That one can’t be my own offspring.
7. Holding shit
I put my shit on the line for Arsenal o. As an Arsenal stan, I told my guy I wouldn’t shit for a full week if we lost the match. He was happy to agree because he always complained about the way I blasted the toilet. Arsenal disgraced me and I had to hold my shit for a week. My guy and I work remotely, so he was watching me like a hawk.