1. You, sending out those “Are you in town?” texts like:

At least one of them will yield results.

2. You, leaving all your other relationships to focus on your IJGB fling:

Just give me two weeks, my loves.

3. When your bae actually dumps you for an IJGB.

A whole breakup? Is it not to quietly cheat?

4. You, watching the traffic get worse with each passing day:

Please, you people should come and be going.

5. When your IJGB friend wants you to go out for the sixth night in a row.

Let me rest, abeg.

6. When they start talking about wanting to move back.

Don’t get carried away oh.

7. You, watching the IJGBs bring out pounds and dollars:

*Hides naira notes*

8. “Oh! This [Nigerian issue] is still like this?”

We don’t blame you.

9. You, dodging the varying accents like:

Take it easy on us.

10. When you see your friends catching actual feelings for an IJGB.

Have you lost your damn mind?

11. When it has passed 2 weeks and your IJGB fling is still around.

Have you been deported ni?

12. You, watching them leave in January:

See you next December.