Adichie says hair is political. Yup. Afro, dreads, just let it grow and blossom baby. Must attend: that dreads convention each year. Must follow: Blogs, Instagrams, Tweeters about natural hair. Must do: Tell everyone just how great their hair is and welcome them to the other side.
2. Stop wearing a bra
Bras were invented by men to hold you back from freedom. Ditch bras. When people stare at you, hold them tits high by arching your back. Dazeet.
3. Attend Afropolitan vibes
Ignore all the western music and think about the live band bruh. That live band is lit. Don’t forget to tweet about how the bottled Palmwine isn’t fresh enough for you.
4. Visit Terrakulture at least once a month
You haven’t gone to an art gallery? How are you living without the appreciation of art? Rele also holds a couple of events.
5. Tell us how awful international food is
Can we just ban Domino’s? How dare you call chicken suya a pizza variant? *rolling eye emoji*
6. Bogobiri on Thursdays
Nigerian music is trash except when you’re bumping and grinding to it at Vapours on Friday. Bogobiri’s open Mic night is what authentic music should sound like — with proper content and etc.
7. Complain about politics but don’t vote
Tweet about how much light you’re not getting and how the roads in VI are bad. Don’t forget it took you 6 months to register your non-profitable business. But don’t vote. How can you vote in an election that’s already rigged?
8. Tell us how Lagos is the most expensive city ever
“Lagos is the most expensive city I’ve ever lived in”. Thank you Ms. Art internship in Monaco, we had no idea.
9. Complain about the things Nigerians do
This one is really important. Nigerians don’t give personal space. Nigerians eat too loud. Nigerians are too loud on the phone. Nigerians like to talk too much and any other thing you think only Nigerians are capable of doing.
10. Complain about Ubers
Nigeria just doesn’t have enough Ubers bruh. It’s always in surge pricing bruh. There are no trains in Lagos bruh. How are there no trains in Lagos?
11. Be a writer
Write sad poems. More importantly, write “African fiction” and attempt to describe the smell of Lagos. Argue about writing. Compare and contrast Adichie to Achebe and give yourself 10 marks for spotting the differences. Get into a creative writing workshop. Blame your singleness on the fact that nobody can love writers because they’re always sad.
12. Start a blog
Lagosdosgbe.wordpress.com or a URL with a Nigerian slang will be your collection of woes, p settings and the weird thing you bought in traffic. Tell your friends about it every time you have lunch with them.
13. Be proud of your melanin
Black is beautiful. That’s all I have to say. Tag every picture with #Melanin and #Slay. Ugh. Slay is so important. Never forget to slay.
14. Patch everything with Ankara
How else will you define yourself and your Africanness if you don’t have a lirru bit of Ankara and Dashiki pieces everywhere? Put them on your pockets, chest, forehead. Wear an Ankara bikini.
15. Join the fitfam crew
Sign up for Truppr and get on that Lekkoyi bridge. We’re not trying to accept our bodies anymore. That’s so 2012–2014. You must change that body and be fit and have enough Buffality. Dazz rai. Don’t forget to autopost your Endomondo, Runkeeper and Nike+ workouts. Everybody must know.
Living in Nigeria is very interesting. People turn to animals, animals swallow money, and get away with it because no one bats an eye. Everything that happens here is unusual. So if you’re ever looking to get out of trouble by turning into an animal, here are seven animals you should not turn into. 1. […]
Dear Nigerians, the moment you’ve been waiting for has finally arrived. The Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) has officially announced the date for Permanent Voter’s Card (PVC) collection. When’s the collection? INEC has given us exactly five weeks for PVC collection — from December 12, 2022 to January 22, 2023. But Nigerians aren’t too pleased […]
If you enter a relationship this December, you’ll be able to join other couples in annoying single people by posting matching Christmas pyjama pictures on the TL.
Geraldine* (55) and Felix* (61) were childhood friends who lost contact for 35 years. They talk about reconnecting on Facebook, overcoming initial family disapproval and valuing companionship over traditional gender roles in marriage.
Award-winning visual artists, Gbenga Adeku, Dotun Popoola and Samuel Anyanwu are converting Nigeria’s plastic, metal and textile waste into beautiful art and getting global recognition for their work.
Your partner’s nice and charming “bestie” probably doesn’t wish you well. In fact, chances are they want you to mess up. If you notice any of these things, just know they’re an opp.
Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:
While this might seem like a relatively easy quiz, there’s a tiny twist. We are challenging you to correctly identify all the capitals of Nigeria’s 36 states without singing that song we all learnt in primary school.
Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:
There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]
Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]
We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]
Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]
Are you a Nigerian Student? Are you in a relationship with a fellow Nigerian student? If your answer to these questions is “yes”, then definitely understand these struggles stated below The roommate that does not understand privacy You have been telling Cynthia about how bae is coming over for some private time since the beginning […]
Phillipine movies usually follow a pattern that has become obvious and annoying. Consider this list a documentation of that annoyance by once loyal fans.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
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