The Complete Guide To Flirting Like A Nigerian Woman

November 18, 2019

The way Nigerian women flirt should truly be considered high art. While people keep complaining about how scary and confusing it can be (Think: Arya moving to Gendry in the final season of Game of Thrones), it’s still pretty damn effective.

Use a bunch of insults

If you’re going to flirt like a Nigerian woman, you’re going to need to know how to throw shade. When you find someone attractive, make sure you show it by dragging the size of their head and their intelligence. Start with calling them “Big head” and “Ode”, then you can move on to “Ugly”.

Be aggressive

When you’re flirting like a true Nigerian woman, you need to wear your aggression like a badge of honour. It should seem like you’re ready to start a fight at any given time. How? Well, instead of softly touching their arm, slap it; instead of hugging them, tap their head.

Invent competition

The next step is inventing other women that are competing for your target’s affection. “I don’t want all your girlfriends to come and break my head oh” is the ideal statement to kick off this step. You use it to find out if there’s another babe somewhere that you need to worry about.

Make minimal effort

When you’re flirting like a Nigerian woman, you need to understand that the least amount of effort is essential. After texting a solitary “Hi”, that’s all you need to do for the rest of the week. Sure, you initiated the conversation, but it’s now up to them to do the rest of the grunt work.

Drop impossible-to-read hints

Go and like an Instagram picture that they posted weeks ago, or favourite two random tweets in a row. That might not seem big enough to indicate serious interest, but it’s a huge step for a Nigerian woman. If they can’t tell that you’re feeling them after that, it’s their loss.

Argue when they compliment you

Whenever they compliment you, fight the urge to blush or accept it. In fact, this is a perfect opportunity to start a fight. If they call you beautiful, ask why they are only interested in the physical. During this flirting period, never give them the benefit of knowing you care what they think.

“Have you eaten?”

In the Nigerian woman’s flirting handbook, this is the last card right before you check up. You use this question to show you care about their overall wellbeing. If they are still acting lost after you’ve asked this four to five times, then they will never realise that you like them.

Actively ignore

After the “Have you eaten?” play has worked and your interest has been noted, it’s time to actively ignore any advances thrown your way. If they send a message by 9 in the morning, you have to respond no earlier than 2 in the afternoon. The longer you take, the better.

NerdEfiko

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

March 5, 2021

Most people think a strip club is a place for only men, but women go there to have fun too. These ten Nigerian women share their experience at the strip club. Deborah, 28 I am a bisexual woman who has never actually been sexual with another woman, but I am utterly in love with the […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

More from Oldies

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

February 8, 2020

In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]

February 8, 2020

Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]

February 8, 2020

Growing up, Saturdays used to be fun thanks to Cadbury Nigeria and Silverbird television. However, these days, as an adult, Saturdays are filled with unfinished work from the week before. If you are lucky, maybe a nice outing or mild to moderate fornication. Still, all these don’t fill the void the way cartoons used to […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X