7 Lies That Nigerian Telcos Have Sold Us

October 30, 2019

Services in Nigeria are designed to frustrate you, from the banking to the transportation services and even the telecommunications services.

Where do I even start from? Is it the drop calls, or the numerous unsolicited messages that pop up at that time you’re waiting for a bank alert? What of the shenanigans of slow and retarded network that can only function at a particular spot in your house even though a mast is so nearby?

There’s so much to complain about but here are seven things that top the list:

1) How data is supposed to last for a month-but doesn’t

This is the king of all lies that we’ve been sold. No matter the data bundle you buy, on whatever network, it is just never enough. If you buy monthly data, prepare yourself for a resubscription within two weeks. Yeah, I don’t know how they do it too.

So baffled

2) The promo’s that we are not sure anyone actually wins

So, you hear that someone will be rewarded with a car, house, a trip to Dubai and more, if they are loyal customers. But, do people actually win those things? Forget those photo ops we see abeg, I won’t believe it until I win a prize myself.

3) The extra credit/data that is supposed to last a week (or more) but disappears the first time you use it

These bonuses by Nigerian telcos have mastered the vanishing act. You will receive a message that you’ve been gifted with extra talk time or data for a few weeks, only to have it go to zero balance the first time you use it.

Well, I wasn’t expecting anything, so it’s all good.

4) How they tell you its your fault that something went wrong with network

Remember those drop calls I mentioned? Yeah, this and text messages that remain unsent for days are some of the reasons people call customer care, only for them to hear; “But everything is alright from our end. Are you sure you hit send?”

5) How they make you buy airtime/data multiple times because of “network failure”

Somehow, this happens when you want to recharge through your bank app. If it didn’t work the first time, please don’t do it again. At least wait for 24 hours before you attempt to recharge again, this will give you peace of mind.

6) Customer care agents who leave you hanging with a promise to resolve complaints by calling/texting you back within a day

This is a lie from the pit of hell. They will not call you. I repeat, they will not call you. In fact, you will be cut off while you are speaking with one and then the other agent you dialed within seconds of blind rage will do the same thing. Until you give up and break your SIM card.

7) How each telco promises to be better than the other

They deceived you to port over to their services until you realize you just roped yourself into something much worse. There’s no good anywhere, just manage your bad network like that because they are all the same.

You'll like this

November 6, 2019

Maintaining a social life can feel impossible when you live in a city as stressful as Lagos. Finding a balance between work and fun is basically an extreme sport, especially if you are on a tight budget. To help you navigate this, we thought long and hard to create this list of 6 suggestions. If […]

Avatar

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

September 19, 2020

Look, innovation is the mother of invention. Some foods can do other things, alright. Let’s find out. 1. Fried yam as a choker. Need to be choked? Fried yam dey for you. Don’t say you got the tip from us. 2. Cucumber as a pleasure giver. Do I need to explain this? Duh. Go ahead, […]

September 19, 2020

People have different opinions about animals. To others, some animals are cute and adorable, but to Nigerians, they’re the fucking devil. Here’s a list of some animals that Nigerians believe to have ties with Lucifer, the devil. 1. Cats Have you met cats? Those bastards are fucking cute and absolutely fun to be around. The […]

September 19, 2020

A three-story school building has collapsed in the Iyana-Ejigbo area of Lagos. In a statement on its official Twitter account, the Lagos State Emergency Management Agency (LASEMA) confirmed that Excel College, located at 15, Ansarudeen Street, Ile-Epo Bus-Stop, Ejigbo, collapsed at 8:15am this Staurday, 19th September, 2020. Fortunately, nobody was trapped, and no injuries or […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding:

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

More from Oldies

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

February 8, 2020

In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]

February 8, 2020

Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]

February 8, 2020

Growing up, Saturdays used to be fun thanks to Cadbury Nigeria and Silverbird television. However, these days, as an adult, Saturdays are filled with unfinished work from the week before. If you are lucky, maybe a nice outing or mild to moderate fornication. Still, all these don’t fill the void the way cartoons used to […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X