A lot of people think going to a private university in Nigeria is an easier path to higher education, but it’s really not. While the private university struggles might be different from public universities, they are just as annoying.
Look at these.
When people tell me how ‘lucky’ I am to be going to a private university.
Daily devotion
First of all, you don’t have to wake up everyday at 5am to the blaring noise of a public announcement system and the grating voice of ‘Sister Jane’ shouting at you to “come out for morning devotion!” Don’t angry me.
Church
But of course you still have to go to church like 4 times a week. When you’re not the child of the devil and you don’t want a demerit.
Demerits
Any small thing, the enemies of progress will just be writing your name like… And if you lose enough demerit points, you go on suspension o. There are more possible ‘crimes’ than points sef.
Lights out
Before I entered university, I thought this was just a secondary school stoffs. I was wrong.
Beard gang?
What’s that? My brother you better go and trim your hair and beard low before they wipe it like magic for you.
Monitoring spirits
I also thought monitoring spirits existed just in the supernatural, but this school has shown me that they walk freely among us, bearing titles such as ‘porter’ and ‘security’.
Accidental wardrobe malfunction?
“Give her a demerit! And one for you, and for you…” Could this be life?
Stabbing class
Wanna stab class? You can’t. Don’t even think about it, if you no wan chop punishment.
Parties
The party might have been over before your exeat even comes through. Waste.
Watching your friends flex
This is how you look at your friends’ social media after they’ve finished posting about the mad party that you couldn’t get exeat for.
And finally…
How you look in wonder at all the freedom and life that is outside your school walls when you go home on break.
Being lactose intolerant might not seem like a big deal until you realise that you can’t do the basic things in life like eating ice cream. If you’re lactose intolerant, these are some of the things you’ll definitely struggle with. 1. When someone asks if you want ice cream “I WANT ICE CREAM TOO” 2. […]
Nigeria is blessed with some of the most beautiful historic sites in the world. But as always, we have managed to screw them up. Peep some of them, and please don’t cry: 1. National Arts Theatre The National Arts Theatre is a 5,000 seater monument that was completed by the Olusegun Obasanjo Military Administration in […]
From catfish peppersoup to turkey pepper soup, there’s a wide range of options to choose from. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you which peppersoup you are:
Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:
Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]
2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:
Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: Sex Life: I’m Ready […]
Last week, we made a quiz that tested if you were smart enough to nail real Common Entrance questions. Now, we’ve taken it up a notch with real ‘Use of English‘ JAMB questions. It’s time to see if you’re smarter than the average SS 3 student. Take the test:
Just tired of staying in the same place? Want to explore? We compile 5 of the best things we have heard about Calabar. 1. Richness in Culture Calabar culture is one of the richest cultures in Nigeria, varying from food, to dances to festivals and carnivals. You should give the city a visit. 2. The […]
CTRL J – Japa Last Friday, Jason Njoku, the CEO of Video-on-Demand platform Iroko TV dropped a not-really-bombshell bombshell on Twitter. He announced via a blog post and Twitter threads that the tech company is fully exiting (read: leaving) Africa after so many years of losses and losses. Amidst a series of reasons about why […]
I had a conversation with a 24-year-old who suspects that her husband cheated on her with his cousin while they were still dating. She talks about the age difference between them, the disrespect she had to endure while dating him and the choice she had to make. There are so many decisions I have made […]
1. Time To Go And Meet Your Favorite Lecturer You, yes you. You have had peace of mind for the last 6 months. But in the next three weeks you will try to submit your assignment after the deadline and someone will shout “Will you get out of my office?!” Why? Because the Governor of […]
When you have a following on social media, your life somehow becomes content for your followers. Some people like to keep some parts of their lives private, especially their relationships. Here are 4 prime advantages and disadvantages of keeping your relationship off social media; 1. Nobody knows your boo so nobody can drag you or […]
At some point, Nigeria will have to declare a national emergency on the crime of defilement. For starters, I actually thought “defilement” was just another sensational term used on newspaper headlines, but it actually is a criminal offence. Section 137 of the Lagos Criminal Law (2015), for instance, prescribes an imprisonment for life for anyone […]
The general reaction when we think or talk about cockroaches is disgust. However, meeting a flying roach in person is a whole different ball game. Ladies, this is what a man’s reaction to a flying cockroach says about him in bed. Don’t try to understand the inference, I am about to drop some nuggets so […]
I’m already broke from all the girls I’m chasing, and so I’m really concerned if we will actually be paying more for electricity by September. But it turns out there’s no answer on Obasanjo’s internet for that. In fact, the more you look, the less you see – even if you’re wearing binoculars. Backstory So […]
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
From catfish peppersoup to turkey pepper soup, there’s a wide range of options to choose from. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you which peppersoup you are:
Join The Conversation
Bring a friend.