The way Nigerian women flirt should truly be considered high art. While people keep complaining about how scary and confusing it can be (Think: Arya moving to Gendry in the final season of Game of Thrones), it’s still pretty damn effective.
Use a bunch of insults
If you’re going to flirt like a Nigerian woman, you’re going to need to know how to throw shade. When you find someone attractive, make sure you show it by dragging the size of their head and their intelligence. Start with calling them “Big head” and “Ode”, then you can move on to “Ugly”.
When you’re flirting like a true Nigerian woman, you need to wear your aggression like a badge of honour. It should seem like you’re ready to start a fight at any given time. How? Well, instead of softly touching their arm, slap it; instead of hugging them, tap their head.
The next step is inventing other women that are competing for your target’s affection. “I don’t want all your girlfriends to come and break my head oh” is the ideal statement to kick off this step. You use it to find out if there’s another babe somewhere that you need to worry about.
Make minimal effort
When you’re flirting like a Nigerian woman, you need to understand that the least amount of effort is essential. After texting a solitary “Hi”, that’s all you need to do for the rest of the week. Sure, you initiated the conversation, but it’s now up to them to do the rest of the grunt work.
Drop impossible-to-read hints
Go and like an Instagram picture that they posted weeks ago, or favourite two random tweets in a row. That might not seem big enough to indicate serious interest, but it’s a huge step for a Nigerian woman. If they can’t tell that you’re feeling them after that, it’s their loss.
Argue when they compliment you
Whenever they compliment you, fight the urge to blush or accept it. In fact, this is a perfect opportunity to start a fight. If they call you beautiful, ask why they are only interested in the physical. During this flirting period, never give them the benefit of knowing you care what they think.
“Have you eaten?”
In the Nigerian woman’s flirting handbook, this is the last card right before you check up. You use this question to show you care about their overall wellbeing. If they are still acting lost after you’ve asked this four to five times, then they will never realise that you like them.
After the “Have you eaten?” play has worked and your interest has been noted, it’s time to actively ignore any advances thrown your way. If they send a message by 9 in the morning, you have to respond no earlier than 2 in the afternoon. The longer you take, the better.