7 Ways To Oppress Your Oppressors On Campus

July 29, 2021

You know how Nigerian universities are, any small thing, “Oppression is Allowed!” To make matters worse, during the everlasting lockdown, many students were hustling to make money and it’s as if everybody has cashed out.

So, if you don’t want oppression to kill you, here are some ways to disguise:

1. Get a piercing.

If you don’t know that piercings are a sign of big boy and big girl in this time and age, you’re seriously dulling. By the time they look at you and see one mad nose stud or extra earring, there’s no way they’ll look down on you again.

2. Combine every outfit with AirPods.

You know how all these Instagram and Twitter influencers behave shey, whether music is on or not, my dear put on those AirPods. Also, make sure they are white please, you don’t want to mismatch colors. We did not tell you to buy pods of 100k sha, you’re on your own. Even if you see one that is not working, carry it and wear. After all, na disguise we dey talk.

3. Take mirror pictures consistently.

For this step, you might think that having an iPhone is a must. It is not o. All you need is a fine phone case and if you now want to pepper them to the core, let the case have small shine shine. If someone tells you to ‘spam’ them, don’t forget to send at least one or two peng mirror pictures.

4. Greet everybody you come across.

Now that your drip is on point you know we can’t let it waste abi? They must notice you by fire by force. Whether you are on okada or inside shuttle…or trekking, make sure you wave at everybody that makes eye contact with you. If not, how do you want everybody to know that you’ve arrived? Rub it in their faces respectfully.

5. Don’t shine teeth anyhow.

So because we said greet people frequently, you want to be showing us your teeth every time? O wrong nau! Be kind at heart, but let your face always have a touch of wickedness. If you smile with every single person you come across, they won’t rate you like that again, so bring out your inner Patience Ozokwor and let her guide your facial expressions at all times.

6. Frequently update your Instagram.

Don’t only update your Instagram, make sure it is also aesthetically pleasing. That way, your oppressors will know you are a cool kid. Go to fine places to take pictures and once they see your peng pictures on the gram, they’ll definitely know you have arrived. 

7. Buy many bucket hats.

Bucket hats are a gen-z must have fashion item. Your mates might be gen-z but are they cool like you? The answer is no. With bucket hats, you are not only protecting yourself from the sun, you are also protecting yourself from your haters. Can we get an Amen?

If you follow these steps carefully, you will unlock a level of respect that isn’t easily accessible and nobody will oppress you again. Their daddy’s daddy!

Miriam Onyemenam

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