They’re not all the same, but one thing we know for sure is, if you experienced the things on this list, congratulations, your father is as Nigerian as they come.

“Go and ask your mother”

It doesn’t matter if you were asking for money or permission to go to the neighbour’s house — or if you already asked her — your father definitely sent you back to your mother to make sure you weren’t leading him into a trap.

He bought things in bulk just because you liked it

If you ever made the mistake of mentioning how much you like mangoes or a particular bread brand in front of your father, you had to immediately prepare yourself for a lifetime supply of it. Maybe now that you’re older you can share a bottle of Johnnie Walker with him so he sees how much you like it and buys you a carton.

“I’m still watching it” even though he’s sleeping

No, he wasn’t still watching the news. As a matter of fact, he was sleeping so deeply that he’d started snoring loud enough for the entire neighbourhood to hear. But woe betide you if you were bold enough to try changing the channel or turning off the TV.

You almost studied engineering

You once made the mistake of connecting the DVD player to the television, and your father immediately saw your future as an engineer. It didn’t matter if you were in the art class and had already told everyone your calling was theatre arts. Your father called engineering on your behalf and you had to answer.

“No” but he still did it

Someone needs to check why Nigerian fathers love saying “No” so much. They’d answer every request you make with a vehement “No”, and then five minutes later, you have what you asked for. What was the forming for?

He threatened to leave everyone behind

Every time the family had to attend an event, your father walked out of the house 15 minutes before everyone and threatened to drive off if everyone wasn’t in the car in five minutes. Thankfully he never left anyone behind and no one had to keep walking till they got to the event.

He complained about spending money on you while spending money on you

He’d empty his bank account on your head, that much was certain, but he’d also murmur and groan about it every step of the way. Now that you have your own money, you should take him out and share a bottle of Johnnie Walker with him, just so he knows you’ll also empty your bank account on his head – without complaining – if you need to.



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