10 Types of People Returning to Work this Week

January 6, 2022

It’s another year of capitalism and just like you, we’re over it already. We’re back to the early morning struggles of waking up and rushing out by 8:30 a.m. with the hopes of getting to work by 8:00 a.m. The absolute ghetto. 

If you’re heading back this week, we bet you can relate to at least one person on this list.

1. The confused one

You have absolutely no idea about how we went from “Merry Christmas” to “Please find attached” all over again.

2. The angry one

You’re not even in the mood for eye contact, much less someone telling you, “Welcome back! ” HR won’t be able to separate the fight that’ll start between you and whoever tells you that shit.

3. The hungry one

The only thing you missed about work is the fluffy amala and soft kpomo Iya Sukirat sells on the street behind your office. Capitalism is awful so we can’t even judge you for using food to numb the pain.

4. The unprepared

You haven’t re-downloaded Slack and are still wondering if  the Monday meeting you have memory of was a dream or not. Like, does your boss really expect that document by Friday? What is work?

5. Eye service ogas/madams

You’ve already prepared a powerpoint presentation to explain how your holiday went, and cc’d everyone for the catch up meeting on Friday. All your colleagues hate you and will pour laxatives in your coffee/tea whenever they get the chance.

6. Already tired

It’s barely noon and all you want to do is sleep. Like can we skip ahead to another holiday season? You pull out the year’s calendar to check for the next public holiday and find out that there isn’t one until APRIL. The despair you feel makes you even more tired.

7. The lovers

You’re back and ready to continue your secret but steady knacks in the office toilet.

8. The scapegoat

It’s been two days since you resumed and your line manager has already dragged you across Slack for the entire company to see.. Pele dear.

9. The newcomers

You are just filled with energy and happy to be employed. Give it another week. Nobody will tell you to relax.

10. The ones that never go back

Who capitalism epp?

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