Another Tuesday, another Twitter space chat.
We’ve been talking to women who had a lot to say about unpaid labour and how to deal with it. For them, it’s not just about getting paid, but about taking real, practical steps to start evening things out with our partners and siblings.
On this space, we had Chinenye Adeleye, Founder of Volunteer Hub Africa, Blessing Adesiyan, Founder of Caring Africa, and Chikodili Udeh, a Cybersecurity Consultant.
Before discussing what needs to change, they highlighted the importance of care work and how we all need to start unlearning the habits and mindsets that make it seem less valuable than it truly is. Now that we understand that care work is real work, and is for everybody, here are 5 ways to help you even the scales with the men in your life.
1. Get the Definition Right
Before we begin negotiating terms for an equal division or split of care work, it’s important that we understand exactly what it is. Our speakers were clear in identifying that care work doesn’t just involve the physical activity that’s required to run the house and take care of family, but also the mental load required to make things work.
Think about researching a soccer camp for the kids, knowing what days the trash is supposed to go out, and what medication you need to get for your parents or in-laws. Think about all the things that fall within the scope of securing family and possibly the informal economy, the things nobody but women have to worry about. Once we have a clearly defined list of these things, it’s easier to take the next step.
2. Find Out Where and How You Need Help
One thing our speakers acknowledged is the tension that can arise when asking for compensation or recognition for care work, especially when it involves family. It’s a delicate balance. Still, they were also clear on one thing: it’s simply not sustainable to manage a full-time job and be solely responsible for the ups and downs of home life before and after those hours.
To manage this, they stressed the importance of figuring out what works best for you and your household. It starts with understanding each person’s strengths and limitations, and then aligning responsibilities accordingly. Have open conversations about who does what, negotiate the terms, start small, create a plan, and most importantly, ensure everyone stays committed to making it work.
3. Prioritise Yourself
One thing women often forget is to include themselves in the care they give. It’s perfectly okay to feel tired and take a break, and it’s more than okay to ask for help when you need it. Care work can be draining. It involves a lot of physical activity and mental engagement. Women spend so much of their lives looking after others, and often, there’s little to no visible benefit for us. Yet, the work gets draining and overwhelming, and before we know it, we’re dealing with life-threatening health issues.
Our speakers reminded us just how important it is to put ourselves first. Taking care of your own physical and mental health isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. The moment you start feeling like you’re losing yourself or running on empty, raise an alarm. Don’t wait. Ask for help without feeling guilty. And above all, choose to share your life with people who genuinely value your well-being. That means choosing partners who know how to be kind.
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4. Expect Something in Return
We’ve already addressed the awkwardness and maybe guilt that can come with asking for compensation when we’re caring for family and friends. But the truth is, we’re losing some economic advantage and time while doing this. How do we make up for money and time lost?
Our speakers say appreciation and acknowledgement are a good place to start. Saying thank you to your partner and letting them know you see all the hard work they’re putting in, whether or not responsibilities are split, is vital.. It’s important to distinguish this from praising male partners for simply doing what’s necessary at home. Learn the difference.
Another point they made was to show appreciation with gifts. Your partner does school runs the entire year? Get them a new car. Your partner does all the cooking and cleaning? Invest in equipment that makes life easier for them, or book that all-expenses-paid trip so they have time off. The idea is to reward hard work.
5. Paint the Big Picture
Ultimately, it’s really about building a home or unit where everyone chips in, feels valued, and knows they’re loved. We all want to look back on our lives feeling proud of the time we spent with family, not full of regret that we didn’t do enough, or wishing we’d done less because it cost us our health. It’s important to keep things moving in a way that works for everyone. And that means pulling everyone in. That means including our sons, brothers, husbands, and partners. Care work wasn’t made to be women’s work. It’s something we should all be doing, because we all can.
Think about it, most of what we call “care work” is really just basic life and organisational skills. Cooking, cleaning, planning, keeping things running…these are things everyone should know how to do, regardless of gender. So why do we still treat it like a woman’s job?
Join us today on our X/Twitter Space at Zikoko_Mag, Tuesday, July 1, 2025, as we discuss all things contraceptives!
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