For many women, friendship is where their deepest emotional bonds live. It is where intimacy feels safest, and love is expressed without the rigid expectations that often come with romance.
But some friendships stretch beyond what people typically recognise as just friends. They can be tender, consuming, physically affectionate, and emotionally exclusive in ways that blur the lines between platonic and romantic.
In a society that is quick to label or police closeness between women, these relationships often exist in a quiet grey area, deeply felt but rarely named.
In this article, Nigerian women share what it is to love their friends in ways that feel profound, and, at times, intense.
1. “She Will Always Be My Forever” — Moremi*, 30
Kemi and I met in our first year of university. We were the only women in our class, and we quickly bonded over that. That was a decade ago, and we have been inseparable ever since. Our friendship has lasted longer than our romantic relationships combined, and it’s something we laugh over. To both of us, we believe that no romantic relationship would ever be as romantic as our friendship.
We understand each other in a way no one has ever. If one of us is sad, we immediately know why, even without asking questions, and we know how to make each other laugh that sadness away. I mentioned it one time early in our friendship that I hate the sound of thunder, so now, whenever it looks like it might rain heavily, she comes over to my place and distracts me with either a yap or a movie session. Even my exes, despite how good they were to me, never did that.
We do everything together in a way that is borderline concerning to our mutual friends. If she and I need to go anywhere, we will call each other immediately. When I wanted to try out baking classes, I dragged Kemi with me. When she wanted to study a new language, I learned it with her. If we get a new outfit, we will get an extra for each other. That’s just how it is with us. It’s always so weird when I do something without her, and I don’t think I ever want to do something without her.
Every romantic prospect in my life is always so scared of her, and honestly, they should be. She has showered me with the kind of affection I thought I needed in romantic relationships to feel whole. She is my forever, and she will always be my forever.
2. “I Don’t Think I Can Survive Without Her by My Side” — Stephanie*, 27
Chikamma and I met during SAT prep. She was my roommate, and at first she hated me, but then we bonded over sleeping in one of the classes one night when the mosquitoes in our room were too much. From there, our friendship evolved quite fast.
Being roommates and also friends with Chikamma was honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’ve never had a friendship or even a romantic relationship that could be compared to my friendship with her. When we lived together, we did a lot of things that some of the girls in the room beside ours raised a brow at. One even approached us to ask if we were dating bluntly, and, really, we couldn’t blame her.
She and I did everything together. We showered together. We ate together. We pierced each other’s ears. We share a Netflix account. We even wore each other’s clothes, and mind you, I don’t like sharing clothes. People often joked that we were each other’s “handbags”. When we left Nigeria to study in the same country, but were separated by states, she and I would call each other and talk about anything and everything. We would even fall asleep on calls, and I would either wake up to my phone being dead or very hot.
Chikamma and I have known each other for a decade now, and we don’t know how to be apart. I genuinely believe I could survive without a romantic partner, but I don’t think I could survive without her by my side.
3. “Nothing or No One Matters When I’m Talking to Her” — Hafsah*, 23
Amirah and I met on the last day of our teenage muslim camp. The bus, which was taking us back home, was packed, and she had nowhere to sit, so I offered to lap her till we got home.
During the ride, I found out that she and I shared many interests, like K-pop, and we spent the entire ride talking about our favourite groups and songs. I remember I had a cracked throat from all the shouting I did at the camp, but I didn’t care about that while I was talking to Amirah. Almost a decade later, and it’s still the same. Nothing or no one matters when I’m talking to her.
With her, sometimes everything can be so easy. Staying up to 3 am on a school night didn’t seem like a big deal because it was her I was talking to. Speaking on the phone for hours just comes so easily to both of us. I am avoidant and try to keep my distance from people, but I never want to run away from her. It’s not like she will even allow me to.
My friendship with Amirah is something I would never take for granted because she made me realise how much my heart can stretch enough to accept and give love. It felt like I only started to understand love because of the amount of love she injected into our friendship. It was she who introduced me to the art of writing love letters to loved ones, and now, every time my life is so much as falling apart, I always crave a love letter from her, especially. She is so good with her words, and I don’t think anyone can ever compare.
It is also my friendship with her that has helped me become more intentional about the way I gift people. She studies my interests and gifts me based on them. When I developed an obsession with pink flowers, Amirah got me a customised tote bag with a pink flower printed on it, and when I wanted to build a necklace collection, she got me a necklace I was interested in but couldn’t afford. The necklace is no longer fit to wear, but I still have it in my jewellery box, and whenever I look at it, I smile a lot.
A lot of people have entered my life, and while I’m glad for every one of them, I think of how I wouldn’t be able to love any of them intensely as I’ve loved her over the years.
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4. “I Stopped Knowing Loneliness When I Met Her” — Amdalah*, 25
Elo and I met on our first day of junior secondary school. I remember shying away from my new classmates because, as a girl who attended muslim schools all her life, I was wary of being in a Christian school. It felt like I was thrown into a new world and expected to figure myself out on my own. I thought I wouldn’t last a day there, but then Elo approached me and basically strong-armed me into being her friend.
From the very beginning, she and I just made sense. We are two friends with a deep understanding of each other, and we have never had to awkwardly shuffle around. Even though we have been friends for almost 15 years, we’ve never run out of things to say to each other. There has never been a time in my life when I’ve said “Yup. I don’t want to talk to Elo today.” Even when I don’t want to talk to anyone, I would still call Elo and just ask her to talk about anything while I listen. Listening to her voice keeps me calm on my worst days.
Being Elo’s friend is the best gift the universe has given me. The lonely 11-year-old me needed her person, and she got them. I stopped knowing loneliness when I met her. Before her, I hated the concept of breakfast. I didn’t really like to eat in the morning, but since she became my friend, I have never missed breakfast.
In junior and secondary school, she would make sure to bring her breakfast with her so we could both eat it. Sometimes, the food might not be enough for two people, but she would still make it work. Even now, as we battle capitalism and barely have time for each other, she would come over to my place for sleepovers on weekends just so we could get breakfast together. I don’t like to get breakfast with anyone who isn’t her.
There are many things I do with her that I find hard to do with other people. The thought of cuddling gives me the ick, but whenever she initiates it, that ick disappears, and I’m willing to do it with her. I don’t like people being in my space for too long, but if she says she wants to stay with me indefinitely, I won’t hesitate to welcome her into my house. Elo will and always will be the only exception.
5. “I Don’t Know How to Be Happy Without Her” — Omoni*, 20
I met Favour in my second year of university. I remember everyone always gave me a wide berth then because I was the infamous rude girl in our department. I made the effort not to talk to anyone, and whenever they tried to initiate a conversation with me, I would blow them off.
They believed that I was just a mean girl, but what they didn’t know then was that I was completely in the throes of depression. The only reason I attended classes was simply because I didn’t want to waste my mother’s money. Everything felt meaningless to me until I met Favour. She and I were paired for a class project, and even though I did my best to keep our conversations strictly academic, she would slip in little jokes, and before you knew it, she won me over.
Our friendship started slowly. She began to sit beside me in class, and just talk about everything, and didn’t care if I contributed to the conversation or not. Then she moved on to forcing my hostel address out of me so she could walk with me to classes every morning. After, she began to invite herself into my room, and that’s how our friendship came to be.
Favour feels like a reward for all the hardships that I’ve ever faced. Whenever I remember that she is in my life, warmth fills me from head to toe. When I’m having the worst depressive episode, she would spend days at my place doing her best to get me out of my bed by feeding and bathing me, and also going on evening walks with me. There have been times when spending too much time with me led to the end of quite a lot of her talking stages, but she didn’t care. She said I am one of her main priorities, and even to this day, she stands by that.
This might sound worrying, but I don’t know how to be happy without her. Whenever she so much as travels for a week, I become restless and withdrawn. When we have our once-in-a-blue-moon fights, I completely fall into despair. People try to remind me that a day will come when I won’t see her as much, but I can’t even imagine it in my head. I refuse to.
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