After a night of wild unprotected sex and your period is five days late, you begin to panic, thinking that the unthinkable has happened — you’re pregnant. You call your potential baby daddy, pee on a few sticks and on the fifth day when you’re on your way to the hospital for the blood test that will seal your fate, your period comes.
You may think the worst thing that can possibly happen, has happened. But there are worse things than a pregnancy scare.
For Hannah*, it was getting a herpes diagnosis four months after she first had sex. Herpes is a sexually transmitted infection (STI) that causes open sores and blisters in the genital area. The herpes virus stays in an infected person’s body for life. And like many other STIs, you never know a person has it until they’ve passed it to you.
In this interview, she talks about finding out she had herpes, learning to manage the virus and what it means for her love life.
How did you find out you had Herpes?
Four months after my partner and I first had sex, I noticed that there was a lot of burning and itching around my vagina. At first, it was mild and I thought that I got a infection from camp that hadn’t fully cleared, but after a while, the pain became unbearable.
I went to a public hospital for treatment. I did a vaginal swab, but when I came back to get it, they told me that they had lost my test results.
I went to another public hospital where they said that they ‘don’t do those kinds of tests on Fridays.’ That same day, I walked for more than 40 minutes to get to the nearest private hospital, where they charged me 20k just to see the gynaecologist. Corpers were still collecting 33k then, and I couldn’t afford it, so I left.
In order not to crash out, I just went home, Googled my symptoms and did a comparison. Then I realised what I was dealing with was not just any vaginal infection.
What did you do after that?
If I had been thinking rationally at the moment, I would have gone somewhere else and asked to see a medical professional but when I thought about it, all the lab techs I knew were family friends and they would have told my family members. I would rather have put up with the terrible burning forever than allow that to happen.
Instead of going to another hospital, I went to a diagnostic lab near my estate with good reviews. After confirming that I didn’t know anyone there, I tried to register. Then I took their form and started ticking random tests that had to do with the genital area.
Ah
(*laughs)
I started doing the tests in small batches every week. I did every possible test you can think of.
I can remember just 12 tests off the top of my head, but I know I did more than that. For you to understand how deep the panic was, I even did a hormonal exercise profile to be sure my hormones weren’t just messing with me.
Only three tests came out positive. The fluid and swab for candidiasis (yeast infection) and the blood test for HSV-1 (herpes).
What did you do when you found out you tested positive for herpes?
I somehow went through the five stages of grief within 3 days. I cried a lot, and I told my partner. Then I sent a voice note of myself crying to my sister and outed myself. I was very depressed for those five days. After that, I went from crashout to calm very quickly.
Later, I told my best friend and childhood friend about it because I felt guilty. I really didn’t understand why I felt that way, but I guess I just felt dirty. Like, this is the first time I’m getting intimate with a guy, and then this happens to me. It felt like I was being punished for having sex.
Did you go to see a medical professional after getting your results?
Now, this is where I start looking unreasonable. I didn’t go take the test results to anyone. I just accepted it as a new way of life. Although when I went to get drugs for the yeast infection, I did ask the pharmacist and the doctor at the pharmacy for some tips and pointers on how to manage the virus.
I didn’t go to see a professional because I was exhausted from all the tests and didn’t want to spend any more money. When I checked my expenses, I realised that within one month of this thing tormenting me, I had spent 241k on tests. The hormonal profile alone costs 60k. Back then, I couldn’t afford it. Till today, I still have no idea how that amount of money materialized .
You’ve not seen any other medical professional since then?
I have actually. They were very dismissive. The doctor told me that I may or may not have it, even after I told him that I had taken the test for herpes and tested positive. I’ve learned to manage it by myself. Apparently, some people have outbreaks just once in their lives, but I didn’t get so lucky. I’m currently going through the second outbreak in a year.
I take antivirals to manage it, but only during an active outbreak.
Did your partner have symptoms too?
The funny thing is that he did all the tests to make sure he was clean before we had sex. Men are lucky enough that they don’t display symptoms. In fact, throughout our two years together, he’s only had a lesion once, and it wasn’t even itchy. He hasn’t even had a proper outbreak, but I’ve had two bad ones in the span of a year.
How did you handle knowing that you got it from your partner?
Before we had sex, he told me that he’d gotten tested and he was clean. When I told him I had herpes, we both knew that there was no one else I could have gotten it from. I’d never had sex with anyone before him.
He went back to the hospital, where he did his tests as we were doing contact tracing, and they told him that they actually omitted the herpes test. They said he was supposed to have specifically requested it. Mind you, he paid for a comprehensive STI test.
If he had been anything but supportive and apologetic, I would have handled it a lot worse. As bad as this sounds, sometimes a part of me wants him to feel guilty, because it felt like my life was ruined at one point. I’m learning to extend the grace I give myself to him. I know he didn’t do it out of malice; he had no idea he had it or where he got it from. Plus, he was supportive instead of defensive.
What lifestyle changes have you made to cope with it?
I’m now very conscious of what I do down there. For example, tissue paper irritates me badly, so I just use it when I’m out of the house. I don’t wear underwear when I’m at home to allow my vagina to breathe, and I avoid anything that isn’t vagina friendly; clothing, soap, food or even the room temperature.
I’m constantly trying to destress when I can because I know the outbreaks come when I’m most stressed. I also try my best to avoid any kind of contact when I’m having an outbreak or the herpes starts acting up. It’s a whole war sometimes, because I have a very fine man waiting for me at home.
Hypothetically speaking, if you leave your current partner, could you open up to someone else about having Herpes?
That’s my concern. The dating pool is already full of sewage, so who knows if the next person will be as understanding as my current partner? If they are, I’ll be as open as possible. If not, I won’t even bother trying a relationship. I know how much I enjoyed being single, so I won’t feel like I’m losing out.
On the other hand, though, I’ve already decided that if the current one doesn’t work out, it might be my last, and I’d prefer to make it a positively memorable one.
Has It changed the way you feel about your body?
The first time I looked down there after my first outbreak, I felt so ugly. It was like I’d been permanently burned by something. The color of my skin had changed, and so had my receptiveness to touch. Every time I stepped outside, I was paranoid that people would know I had herpes just by looking at me.
I took a lot of reassurance from my partner before I stopped feeling so bad about it. We have the occasional herpes-related banter because if I don’t laugh about it, I will cry about it. Recently, I looked down to see discoloration and patchiness again, but it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. My only beef with it is that the affected parts don’t match the rest of my skin.
What do you think people should know about STIs
You can never be too careful. Don’t just take your partner’s word for it. You should both do it again together if possible; otherwise, wrap up before you have sex.
Also, not all STIs are strictly from sexual contact. Please, stop kissing people anyhow. And understand how some of these things are transmitted so that you’ll know how to prevent yourself from catching things you don’t want.
Next Read: I Spend Minimum Wage on My Vaginal Care Every Other Month
