Most of us have heard the term “post-nut clarity”/”post-sex clarity”. That moment where your actions become increasingly clear to you after hooking up with someone. You’ve probably wondered whether everyone feels the same after a one-night stand or a bout of passion with their partner. We decided to find out.
In this article, 10 university students share their definitions of post-nut clarity and discuss its impact on themselves and their relationships. One thing to note is that no two experiences are the same, but maybe you can relate to one of them.
1. “I Think That Post-Nut clarity is Propaganda”—Benji*, 20
Do you think that post-nut clarity affects relationships?
I feel like most men use “post-sex clarity” as an excuse to treat their partners badly after sex. They use it as an avenue to remove themselves from situations once they’re done.
Has post-nut clarity affected you and your current partner?
I think intimacy with my partner has allowed us to be a lot more vulnerable with each other. Some conversations are now easier for us to have because of it. I think in the past we approached them with shyness and discomfort, but now it’s just like “I’ve seen all of you, what else are you hiding?” It’s brought us much closer as a couple and helped us fully understand and relate with each other.
2. “Sometimes I Just think, Why did I do This?”—Chimdi*, 19
How would you define post-sex clarity?
I would say it’s a feeling of regret that comes after self-reflection, like “Damn, what did I just do?” You just take a minute to look at yourself and think about what you’re doing with your life or what you’ve just done, and why you did it. It makes you think about yourself, your life and your actions.
Do you think that having sex changes your relationship?
I think when you jump into sexual activity early in the relationship, it can skew the way you think about your partner. That now affects how you both act moving forward. There’s a negative effect on your dynamic. If both of you aren’t fully committed to the relationship or you don’t see yourself long-term with your partner, there would definitely be a sense of shame surrounding it.
3. “I see Sex as a Natural Part of Human Life”—Tunmi*, 20
How has post-nut clarity affected you?
Personally, it’s not something I’ve experienced. But when I was younger, I used to experience a huge wave of shame and guilt after touching myself. A lot of it was religious, and even though I don’t experience it anymore, it had a huge effect on me. Now I just feel like everybody needs to get off. It shouldn’t be a problem. But I’m also no longer religious, so maybe that has helped me.
Has it ever affected your view of your relationships?
There have been times when I was intimate with somebody, not penetrative sex, and after that, I just thought, yeah, I never want to do this again. It definitely affected my relationships with those people.
4. “I don’t think Post-Nut Clarity Exists”—Vanessa*, 18
Do you think post-nut clarity affects relationships?
I don’t believe in post-nut clarity. I’ve never thought of it as a real thing, and because of that, I don’t think it affects my relationships. If a relationship changes, I’m pretty sure it’s because of other things, not post-nut clarity.
How has post-nut clarity affected your personal relationships?
The only time I can say I experienced something close to it was when I had a one-night stand. I woke up and knew I never wanted to see the person again. So, I blocked them and moved on with my life. But I think it was more about the person than the act. I feel disgusted whenever I think about the experience.
5. “I think that Sex makes Things feel Real”—Demi*, 18
What’s your definition of post-nut clarity?
With a lot of people, I think it’ll be the period of reflection after sex and the feeling of relief, or regret that comes with it. In most cases, I tend to feel safe. But there are people whom I’ve regretted sleeping. I think that what makes up post-sex clarity are feelings and thoughts after the sex, and it varies from person to person.
How has post-nut clarity affected your personal relationships?
When it comes to casual relationships, I tend to draw a lot of boundaries. Once I decide to stop seeing someone, I start to distance myself from them. But when it comes to serious relationships, I think sex helps in strengthening our connection. It makes the relationship feel real. Once I’m in with someone for serious business, I don’t get post-nut clarity. It only exists for me in casual relationships.
6. “I’m Asexual, so I don’t Orgasm Often”—Lisa*, 18
How does post-sex clarity impact you?
I only orgasm maybe once every two months, so I don’t have sex enough to experience post-sex clarity. But during my few interactions with my partner, my body tends to relax, and I feel closer to them. We cuddle, and they make me feel comfortable. I think all the affection strips the possibility of ever experiencing post-nut clarity.
What effect do you think it has on relationships?
I think that before this year, I didn’t have a proper sexual encounter, at least one where I fully consented to. People don’t generally prioritise consent as much as they should, and I think that’s one thing that can influence the occurrence of post-nut clarity. When people don’t prioritise consent during sexual activity, it can make their partners feel uncomfortable and have them rethink their relationships.
7. “I think Guilt Usually comes After Sex”—Claire*, 18
How does post-sex clarity impact you?
I feel like, for a lot of people, the first emotion after having sex is guilt. So the post-nut clarity comes in how you communicate that guilt and how your body reacts to it. If I have sex with somebody and they immediately act standoffish or grossed out, I don’t think I’d ever sleep with them again. My own clarity comes from how they respond once we’re done.
Has it affected you in the past?
I had an experience one time where I felt uneasy and uncomfortable after the person and I were done. The entire interaction made me feel weird, so I tried to talk about it. The person got defensive, and I think that stayed with me for a while. The only thing I felt after then was disgust, and I knew immediately that I wasn’t supposed to be in the fix.
8. “Post-Nut Clarity is Acknowledging Sex just Happened”—Kyle*, 22
How would you define post-nut clarity?
I definitely don’t see it as something that can change someone’s view or mentality towards a person that much. For me, it’s an acknowledgement of an event that just took place. Like, oh wow, that just happened, and you either like it or you don’t.
Do you think post-sex clarity can affect a relationship?
I think it’s more the way the person reacts after sex that affects the relationship. If your partner doesn’t create a safe space to discuss how things went and how they feel, then there may be problems. People also need to prioritise sexual compatibility in their relationships. If you know you’re sexually compatible with someone, whether for a casual or serious thing, there wouldn’t be many moments of post-nut clarity.
9. “I’d say Post-Nut Clarity is Challenging”—Nadia*, 19
How would you define post-nut clarity?
I think it’s a sense of remorse, shame or grief after a sexual act. But I also think that it’s mainly because of how society views sex. It’s seen as taboo, so the shame and guilt that come with it can definitely influence how you feel after the encounter.
How does post-sex clarity affect relationships?
I think a lot of it comes because people don’t generally give aftercare. Personally, I‘m hardly ever with someone casually, so I always receive aftercare. Sex is great because it helps enhance romance and adds a new layer of depth to your relationship. If it’s done well and you’re both taken care of, there wouldn’t be much to clarify after it.
10. “I feel that Clarity can go Both Ways”—Baba*, 19
How would you define post-nut clarity?
After sex, I usually have a moment where I realise what just happened. I hear a lot of people talking about how they’re like, “what have I done?”, and they feel disgusted with themselves. With my partner, it’s usually just a feeling of relaxation and happiness. If I’m thinking about what happened, it’s more like I’m relishing and processing it. If people are feeling disgusted after sex with their partners, then they probably aren’t attracted to or love them in that moment. I think people need to affirm their partners more after sex. Say “I love you” to each other.
How has becoming sexually active affected your relationship?
I believe that it has affected my relationship positively. Our first time, we felt really close to each other. We felt very safe, and it helped us to build up trust in our relationship. It also helped us affirm that we were real and here for one another, and that we had just done was an expression of our love.
Our Thoughts
Post sex-clarity shows up in a lot of different ways for people; it all depends on who you’re with, why you’re doing it and whether or not you feel comfortable. Our advice, be careful with who and when sharing your body. Let that post-sex clarity be a good thing!
Read Next: “I Feel Guilty About Not Listening To My Parents”- 5 Women On Feeling Guilty About Sex
