Great sex will have you ignoring your better judgment, your friends’ advice, and sometimes even basic common sense. 

These seven women share the red flags they saw clearly but chose to look past because sometimes the dick or pussy was just that good.

1. Red Flag: “We had no future”

I met Abdul* in Abuja while visiting my elder sister. I was 25, at an event with her husband. Let’s just say there was a lot of money in that room. I was gossiping with my sister when our eyes met. Was I stunned? Yes. But am I a bad bitch? Also yes. So I looked away. But between you and me, my God was that man fooine.

He would not look away. He was in his babban riga and cap, sipping something, licking his lips at me, smiling infuriatingly when he caught me looking. He approached me that day. A rich, beautiful, sexy man, being very direct, frank, and respectful? I was, of course, still a bit of a bitch, you cannot just be nice to a man, but he had my attention.

I have always had a very healthy sexual appetite. I enjoy having sex as often as I can, with as many people as I want. I love a little bondage, some handcuffs, a rope or two. Nothing hardcore. Just enough to keep things exciting.

Not long after, we spent months having sex nonstop. He would fly me in straight after school and immediately bend me over his desk, bed or wherever. I spent weeks cuming in this man’s houses. I had dated and fucked rich before, but him? He was rich-rich, and trust me, I know rich.

He started talking marriage. I liked him very, very much. I always wanted to be wrapped around him. And he was a sweetheart, incredibly romantic with his gestures and actions. But he was Muslim. I’ve always been Christian. All three of my older sisters are married to Christians. He said he would seek a second wife. And worst of all, I have sickle cell, and I’m always on multiple medications and daily shots. So does he. We both wanted kids. I knew it wasn’t possible, but Lord knows I dragged it out for four more months. It is very hard to give up great sex, and when that comes with money like his? Best believe I ignored the red flags for as long as I could.

— Nancy*, 29

2. Red Flag: “He slept with all my relatives”

I met Ebuka* through my cousin. We were all in our early twenties. She was seeing someone who was an old friend of Ebuka’s, and she had once had the biggest crush on him. But the first time I saw him, it did not matter at all. My cousin’s boyfriend tried to explain that he was a notorious flirt, but I simply didn’t care. 

We started talking, and with every interaction, I wanted him more. He eventually invited me over. He ate me out on his pool table, then proceeded to slow fuck me through multiple orgasms. I was completely hooked after that.

We were never exactly exclusive, always on and off. Once when we were off, it got back to me that the cousin who connected us had sex with him. I was very angry and blocked her out of my life. I was going to do the same to him, but he got me alone. Not long into that argument, his head was between my legs.

He is still one of my best eaters to date, so even though I kept hearing about and catching him with people I knew—my cousin, then a friend, then my sister, then someone I don’t think I should mention—I stayed sleeping with him. He was also, in some ways, there for me emotionally.

We still have great sex. Just not as often.

— Tamara*, 32

3. Red Flag: “He had my mumu button”

We never dated. It was mostly just sex, but there was a connection I struggle to put into words.

I met Dan* at a party when I was 17, my first proper ‘adult’ house party. The host introduced me to his friend Adaora, and she put me under her wing. People kept coming over to say hi. He slid in next to her, wrapped his arm around her, and they talked until we all moved upstairs. I suddenly found myself on a chair while he stood across from me. When we finally stared at each other, he tilted his head and narrowed his eyes at me.

Later, he said he hadn’t seen me until that moment. He had no idea I was ‘that’ pretty. He was awestruck. He was always good with his words. A few days later, I was in his room at 10 p.m. I was a virgin, so we didn’t have sex, but I gave him my very first blowjob, and he went down on me. It was awkward but hot enough to stay with me. Him spooning me to sleep made it pleasant.

I didn’t see him again until two years later, when I was 19, and he was 23. I was still a virgin but less inexperienced. This time, he fucked my mouth in his back garden, and I rode his thigh until I came so hard I didn’t stop vibrating for a full minute, he counted.

I still didn’t understand the hype around sex, but he ate me out again that night, and I have never forgotten it. I writhed and panted as I held his head down and rode the ever-living hell out of his face. We almost crossed that line, but I wasn’t ready. He had always felt dangerous; that night confirmed it. I kept putting off seeing him. I once drove halfway to his place and turned back. We texted and wrote poetry back and forth. Giving in to him felt like it would be addictive and unhealthy.

The first time we finally sex was when I was 23. It was everything you could imagine waiting that long would do. Being touched by him was electrifying. He knew where and how hard to hold me, the best ways to touch me with his fingers, his tongue, and eventually his dick. He knew how to get me to relax enough to take all seven inches of him seamlessly, even wantonly, something that had been difficult with others. He was on top of me, beneath me, and best of all behind me. When he would tie my hands and rub my clit while taking me from behind, it was always a sensory overwhelm in the best ways.

The only bad thing was that I couldn’t stop going to him, even when I was with someone else. We barely spoke in person, but I only wanted to be with him. If he called or texted, I was there. I did not need too many words; our bodies did enough. He became so addictive that I slacked at work and with my friends. All I wanted was him inside me. Eventually, he ghosted me for almost a year, then tried to slide back in my DMs. I had done a lot of repairing in his absence, with myself and the people I loved, so it was a hard pass. But I will not lie: I still touch myself to memories of us, and the thought of going back is one I fight every single day.

— Amira*, 25

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4. Red Flag: “She was aggressive”

Our mums were friends, so on and off, we watched each other grow up. Eventually, she moved with her family to the UK, and we didn’t see each other for maybe 11 years. We met again when we were both 22. She had a girlfriend then, but was still the same, mean, rude, and unnecessarily aggressive. Like a real-life mean girl, she loved fighting and calling people names. She would laugh after saying the worst things, then maybe kiss you.

She reached out when she was in Nigeria and invited me over. One thing led to another, and she was suddenly on top of me, her knees on both sides of my hips, rubbing up and down on me while kissing me senseless. She came all over my fingers in many angles that night. We didn’t really stop. We took breaks, ate in between ‘sessions,’ but between 10 p.m. to when we passed out at 5 a.m., our hands did not stay off each other for longer than 30 minutes.

I am a proud ashawo, so of course I went back over and over again. This woman was hot. An ass that sat perfectly in my hands when I would strap her, beautiful siren eyes that kept me panting beneath her, fucking beautiful tits. It did not matter that she was so aggressive that she was prone to yelling in my face and smacking me upside the head. She was a hitter, yes. She said the worst things, yes. But the sex after? Worth every bit of it.

— Tunde*, 27

5. Red Flag: “She was messy”

I still have sex tapes of her strapping and recording me. This woman has ruined me for others. Whenever I am in bed with anyone of any gender, I have hot flashes of her taking me in doggy, my head between her thighs, the sounds that would come out of her mouth, and most of all, the deep, deep orgasms. Our sex life was literally perfect, but she was messy.

She loved to pick unnecessary fights, and whenever we would have threesomes, she would request, she had a habit of ignoring me completely while over-delivering to our third, then acting as if none of it mattered after. Sometimes she’d leave me on read for months, then come ask to see me. Like an ode, I always said yes. The sex was that good, and no one else hit it quite like her.

It didn’t matter that she had a girlfriend; she was hiding this from them. It didn’t matter that she would act jealous of my other partners. I am poly. It didn’t matter that she told me it is impossible to be poly and I don’t know what I’m saying, and that she is mono and can only be with one woman, while she strapped both her girlfriend and me. As long as she had sex with me, I decided that for now, this would do.

— Kristin*, 28

6. Red Flag: “He was a cheater”

I ignored too many red flags, the greatest being his infidelity. For the first time, I found someone I was sexually compatible with. I couldn’t see clearly anymore. I knew he had other girls apart from me, but I stuck around because I actually enjoyed having sex with him more than any other person I’ve been with. There wasn’t any connection from me towards him apart from when we had sex, and it just kept getting better. He was good in bed.

When he cheated multiple times, I still wanted to stay because the sex was great. I guess I was dickmatized. But at this point in my life, I can’t deal with that mediocrity anymore. That’s all I’m going to say.

— Valerie*, 27

7. Red Flag: “We worked together”

We met at GT, and I took them home that night. The sex was hot. Very, very hot. I did not know they would be my co-worker until the week after. I had just gotten the job, and finding out was a little rattling. I was not the type to date a co-worker. I could not deal with the gossip. But they were discreet and incessant. They had to have me. I had to have them.

It became a secret we skirted around at work. Sometimes we would fuck in my car during my breaks. I only went in twice a week, and I looked forward to it. I never wanted to stop, but besides work getting in the way sometimes, they were trans and constantly said they never did anything with cis people. It kept happening more and more often after we fucked that I can’t lie, it started bothering me a lot. But it was hard to stop, so I haven’t.

— Deinyefa*, 24

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