7 African Women Talk About Dating Married Men

September 22, 2021

Married men cheat and swear it is the devil. In this article, seven Nigerian women talk about what it’s like to date married men. 

black man and woman kissing

Kay, 26

The first married man I dated lied about his marital status. I found out when we broke up. He was quite controlling, so  I had to end the relationship. 

The next one I dated also lied about his marital status. He was in Abuja for a job. During the seven months he spent there, I fell in love with him. He was good with me, but not in bed. He didn’t last long. When it was time for him to go back, I told him that I had fallen for him and this guy said he was married. I had asked him before if he was married but he said no. This one even had a child. I was so pissed and that’s how that relationship ended. 

I was fully aware that the next one I dated was married. We dated for about three weeks. He was insecure, and he didn’t know how to fuck either. I wasn’t talking to anyone else when I was with him, but he didn’t trust me. He was always asking where I was or who I was with.

One day, he called me nine times and I missed his calls because I was asleep. When I picked up, he called me a liar, a cheat and all sorts of names. I changed it for him and ended it there. He was quite generous though. We didn’t date long enough for me so I didn’t get a large sum of money from him. I am currently seeing another married man but we haven’t had sex yet. He always calls to check on me. Maybe this one might be a long-term relationship. 

Jumoke, 26 

I have dated a married man. He was in his 40s and rich. He used to buy me lunch every now and then. It felt like someone saw and appreciated me. We had unspoken rules — I could never ask him questions about his family or question him when he didn’t call or text me. I understand that I was just supposed to enjoy my time with him and move on. I think people should save the energy they use to fight side chicks for the men that are actually cheating in the relationship. I would date another married man if he is rich. 

Leticia, 22

In 2018, I went to visit my cousin. We went clubbing on the evening I arrived. My cousin is in his 30s and married so I assumed all his friends were. There was this one of his friends, Chris* that was vibing with me. We exchanged numbers and got talking. I asked him if he was married and he said no.  He claimed that he was not looking for anything serious but he is open to being in a relationship. 

Every time my cousin and I went out for drinks, he came along. We never went out on our own. Once in a while, he would tell me he had to go to another city for work. This happened three times and I became suspicious but I didn’t pay it any mind. Our relationship went on for about four months. One time he invited me over. He said we could go watch a movie then later go to his house but I had a bad feeling about it, so I cancelled. 

Married men have mastered the act of wooing women. The way they talk to you, the way they offer care and genuinely listen. It’s like everything you’ve been looking for. There was this sense of security I had around him. Things were going so well. 

One time, my sister called me and she told me that she was at my cousin’s place and my cousin said Chris has a wife. She said he said it in passing — as a part of a different conversation. I was so shocked. I was hurt that my cousin never told me and he knew what was going on. I couldn’t concentrate anymore. I went back home. I deleted his number and blocked him everywhere. 

This year, at my cousin’s birthday party, he showed up. This is the first time I’ve seen him since I ghosted him. He said hi and I tried to stay indifferent but gin and red wine are devils. I think I told him that I really liked him but he fucked up. God, I was so mad. He was like let’s go and talk on the balcony. The next thing I realised was that we were making out. He said he was getting a divorce. I felt the flame rekindled. We tried to talk out but I didn’t want to date him anymore. I blocked him and went back to my life. I am over the whole thing now. 

Bisola, 23

In 2016, I met this guy who lived around my house. He looked young and cute. I don’t remember how we started talking but he asked me out. I was worried because he was newly married with a newborn. He swore that the marriage is a sham and he doesn’t love his wife, but he loves me. I knew it was a lie. He would stop by my house before going home to his wife. It was the fact that he bad mouthed his wife to me that annoyed me the most. I didn’t like that I knew who his wife was. Plus it’s not like he was even rich. The money he was supposed to be taking home, he was spending it on me who wants nothing to do with him.

After a while of talking, I told him I needed a new phone and he asked me to meet him at a hotel. That’s how I ghosted him. I just cut off everything for my own peace of mind. Dating a married man is a bad idea. Honestly, I don’t want to have anything to do with them again except he’s way older and richer. 

Osas, 21

There was this time I was broke and the devil sent me a married man. I thought this man was going to be my saviour because he spoke a lot about how he was going to take care of me — send me to Dubai, buy me stuff, take me out on my birthday, etc. The only tangible money I got from this man was ₦5000 for my birthday cake after he promised me heaven and earth. 

Anytime I billed him, he wouldn’t talk to me for days until I called to tell him we could have sex. We had sex multiple times and all I got was transport fare. There was this time I yabbed him and called him a broke ass. He made himself the victim, and I had to apologise. felt bad for his wife because he took me to their house and we had sex on their matrimony bed. I ended it after a while and yes, I will do it again if I’m sure there’s money involved.

Farida, 31

He reached out to me through a mutual friend who warned him not to get involved with me. But he still did. He always wanted to prove that he was new school, and he was.  He was also fun. Whenever he got me food, he’d buy enough for everyone at home. When we went out, he’d make sure he got takeaway for the people in my house. Single men rarely think like that. 

He spoke about his wife respectfully, but I didn’t like that he sometimes complained about their issues and gave me details about their sex life. I told him this. He wanted marriage. I ended things for other reasons. 

Titi, 21

I met this guy last year. He said his wife and two children were not in Nigeria. I was a broke Abuja girl at the time, so dating him was about the money.  He wanted sex and I thought  I could use him to finance my lifestyle but that was a huge mistake. 

The first and only time I had sex with him, he sent me 10k and started giving me excuses every time we were supposed to meet. He’d call me by 9 p.m., asking me to meet with him knowing fully well I can’t go out at night. It was like he was always flaunting his money but he never actually gave me anything. It was a waste of sin, to be very honest.

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