There is a kind of courage that doesn’t necessarily come with a Wonder Woman costume. It shows up quietly, in a bedroom, in a text message or a voice that’s trying not to shake as they ask the person they like, love or are about to sleep with to go and get tested for sexually transmitted infections. Four women tell us about their experience with this courage.

1. “I Asked Him While We Were Eating Suya” – Mayowa*, 27

I had been seeing this man for about six weeks when I decided to have a conversation with him about getting tested before sex. I thought long and hard about it and decided not to do it over the phone. I waited until one night when we were eating suya on the road, and then I asked him like it was the most normal thing in the world (which it is).

I just said, hey, I really like where this is going, and I want us to be intentional about it. Can we both get tested before we take things further? I said it casually between bites, as if I was suggesting that we try a new restaurant. He looked at me for a second and said, “Okay, where do we go?”

I believe that the suya must have helped. No one wants to be serious and confrontational when there is meat in their hand. He was relaxed, I was too, and that just worked. My advice is don’t make it a big speech or sit him down with a morbidly serious face. Make it feel like that’s the next step to take naturally, because it is. Testing together is just two adults being adults, and if you talk about it like that, most reasonable people will have no issues with that.

2. “He Shouted At Me and Said I Had Trust Issues” – Moyo*, 30

I asked my boyfriend at the time, a man that I had been with for four months, whether he could get tested before having unprotected sex. I even said please, but he wasn’t having it at all.

He said I was calling him dirty, that if I trusted him, I wouldn’t need to ask. He then swore that he had never had an infection before and couldn’t embarrass himself at the clinic because of my trust issues. I proceeded to ask him why proving it was a problem if he was so sure that he was clean.

He didn’t have a good answer, but he accused me of being difficult. Honestly, I was just being careful. We went at it for over an hour until he agreed to go, mostly to prove a point. The results came back fine, but I felt different about him.

I kept thinking… if this is how he reacts to a basic conversation like this, how can we have even harder conversations down the line? He also sounded like all those ‘you’re emasculating me’ kind of men. He was picking his ego over my safety.

We broke up two months later because I believed that asking for the test showed me who he really was under pressure.

3. “I Couldn’t Believe He’d Be So Straightforward About It ” – Tamilore*, 25

I genuinely didn’t think it would go well, so I prepared myself for pushback, thought about different responses and a quick exit route if things went south. Turns out, I didn’t need any of that. When I told my man that I wanted us to go for tests before sleeping together, he said, “That makes sense. Let me know when so I can clear up my schedule in advance.”

I almost didn’t know what to do. I had been so ready for a fight that his response actually stumped me for a moment. I kept waiting for some sort of disagreement, but it never came.” We went together on a Saturday morning, grabbed breakfast after and turned it into a cute outing.

That day was when I realised that he was different. We’ve been together for two years.

4. “I Didn’t Ask, So He Didn’t Tell Me He Had STIs” – Sekinat*, 32

I was 26, and I really believed that being in love meant trust. I took that to mean that I didn’t need to ask uncomfortable questions. The man was gentle and attentive; I didn’t want to ruin the relationship by making him feel accused of something, so I didn’t ask.

A few months later, I found out that I had contracted an STI. When I asked him about it, he told me that he had known that he needed to get checked but had been avoiding it. I’m not angry at him anymore; I’m just sorry for the younger me who felt like asking for protection was the same as not believing in the person. Those are two different things. I get tested regularly now; I ask every partner, early and clearly, to do the same.

The conversation may feel awkward for 5 minutes max, but if you don’t ask at all, the consequences are happy to follow you for way longer than that. So please, just ask before your feelings get in the way.

It’s so common to hear people talking about having chemistry with their partners, having fun and feeling connected, but there’s a version of intimacy that is more important. It’s the intimacy of telling someone that you care enough about both of you to have a conversation about STIs. It’s certainly not romantic in the way movies talk about love, but it’s real, and it matters. Ask your partner to get tested today.

HERtitude 2026 is happening this April, and the theme is Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here: hertitude.zikoko.com