The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Ebere* (28) had her life figured out in Nigeria, but her father forced her to start over in the United Kingdom. In this story, she shares how she found herself working as a caregiver and how she got stuck with a terrible roommate whose boyfriend was abusive.
Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?
I left Nigeria in 2022 and live in the United Kingdom (UK).
How did you end up in the UK?
It was totally unplanned, and I was mentally detached from the whole process. I had just settled into Lagos and was working at a job that I really loved, so I wasn’t keen on leaving at all, but my dad made it happen.
That’s interesting. What exactly happened?
My dad had this friend who had been in the UK for years and was running a business there. The plan was that I’d move to the UK to work with that friend, but I wasn’t interested at all because I was really into my job.
My disinterest made my dad angry, so I had to give in at some point. When we started the relocation process, his friend (whom I now call my uncle) called me, asked for my passport, and told me to take the IELTS, and I just did everything without putting much thought into it.
Sorry about that
I was so unbothered that I even registered for the wrong IELTS. It wasn’t until they were submitting my visa application that they realised it wasn’t the right one. That’s how detached I was mentally from the process. My uncle had to pay for another process where they evaluated my degree for English proficiency instead.
One day, I got the news that I had been granted a visa, but my reaction was different from what people expected. I wasn’t thrilled or particularly excited about a future in the UK.
The uncertainty must have bothered you a lot.
Yes. At that point, I still didn’t know what kind of job I was moving to the UK to do. My uncle simply sent me courses to complete, and I just clicked through everything without reading. After arriving in the UK, I realised I knew nothing about my job.
It turned out that the job was with an agency my uncle was helping to run. They were recruiting care workers from abroad to take care of the elderly because of post-COVID staff shortages.
How did you feel when you found out?
On my first day at work, I was like, “What have I done?” I spent months preparing to come here, and somehow, I didn’t even know what I’d signed up for.
I had a job I genuinely loved in Lagos. I had friends and a whole life there, and suddenly I was here, in freezing February winter, doing a job I couldn’t have imagined in a million years. I was deeply sad. My uncle couldn’t console me. I was angry every single day.
Eventually, I realised I had to take responsibility for my life. I couldn’t just sit there feeling sorry for myself. I knew I needed to figure out my next step, so I started taking courses and certifications to make life here worth my while.
Things were finally looking up, until life happened. Some unexpected personal things came up and completely distracted me from my goals. Everything hit me at once, and I was fighting for my life, mentally, throughout 2023.
That year, I couldn’t focus on anything apart from surviving emotionally. Even though it took time, I’m in a much better mental space. The truth is, I’ve spent most of my three years here just trying to stay sane and adjust.
Can you tell me more about your life in Nigeria before you left, and why the move hit you so hard?
Life in Nigeria was typical—nothing extraordinary, but it was good. I had a remote job that allowed me to work from home. I had amazing work friends that I’m still close to, and I lived very close to my family. My sister and I practically lived next door to each other. It was easy to see my family anytime.
Lagos itself was fun. It was easy to have a good time. I could sit on my balcony, watch people move up and down, and feel entertained. It felt very communal because there was always something happening, always someone to see or somewhere to go.
That sense of community was the hardest loss I dealt with when I moved here; The UK is the exact opposite of Lagos. Here, people keep to themselves so much that neighbours don’t know each other. Everyone just minds their business.
You said “life happened” after you moved. Are you comfortable sharing what you meant by that?
I lived with the wrong housemate. She was a girl I met through my uncle. We moved in together to split rent because living alone on minimum wage is impossible here. At first, everything was fine; We had boundaries, and though we weren’t close friends, we got along well enough.
Then, out of nowhere, she told me she was bringing her boyfriend to live with us. I already had issues with this guy because he seemed abusive from the little I knew about him.
That’s insane
I was shocked. I asked her why she thought bringing a man to live with women in the house was okay. The worst part was that she didn’t even give me proper notice; she just called on the night he was arriving, saying she was on her way to the airport to pick him up.
How bad was it?
It was chaos from the first day he moved in. They’d fight and shout so violently that I started feeling unsafe in my own home. It was so bad that I started avoiding the house altogether. I would take extra shifts, go to the gym, and do anything to avoid them.
I didn’t want to tell my family because they’d worry, but I was in a terrible mental space. Everything ended when I eventually opened up to my parents, but I was already pretty messed up by then.
How long did this go on?
That situation lasted almost a year. My roommate’s boyfriend moved out before our lease ended, but my relationship with her was already ruined by then. She apologised later, but honestly, the damage was done. I was already struggling in the UK, but that messed me up more than you can imagine.
I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you’re in a better place now
I’d say I’m in a much better place mentally and emotionally. I’ve adjusted to life here, even though it took time.
I’ve learned that even jobs I never imagined doing can have silver linings if I keep an open mind. I’m still working toward my long-term goals, but I now approach things differently.
Financially, I’m not where I expected to be at this point. If you had asked me in 2022 where I’d be by now, this wouldn’t be it. But I don’t regret how I’ve spent my money so far. The things I’ve invested in were necessary. So overall, I’d say I’m in a better place compared to when I moved.
I’m glad to hear that. Have you experienced any culture shocks in the UK so far?
The driving here makes no sense to me. They drive on the left, and the steering wheel is on the right. It’s so confusing, and I still find myself trying to enter the driver’s seat from the wrong side.
Also, people here smile at strangers on the street, but not in the friendly Nigerian way. It’s an awkward, polite smile that doesn’t feel genuine. It weirds me out sometimes.
Another big shock is how people here split bills. If you invite someone out, you both still pay separately. Like, why did you take me out only to make me pay?
On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you in the UK?
I’d say six because life can be better.
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