The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Bolaji* (24) moved to the US as a teenager without a plan except his father’s vision of him “making it” abroad. In this story, he shares his experiences and how chasing a perfect CGPA was not as fulfilling as he thought it would be.
Where do you live now, and when did you leave Nigeria?
I am currently in the United States (US). I left Nigeria in 2019.
What inspired you to leave?
A lot of it was my dad’s vision of what a good life is supposed to look like. He did not think I could “make it” in Nigeria.
At what point did you become aware of this plan?
I think I knew very early. The idea first came up when I changed schools between JSS3 and SS1. Some of the older students in my new school were taking SATs and moving to the US. So I think that’s when the idea really clicked in my dad’s head that I should go abroad too.
I didn’t really have my own vision for my life or particular dreams, so I just went with the flow. I took the SATs in SS3 and I did well enough.
By the time the opportunity to travel came, I was already in my second year studying chemical engineering in Nigeria. I had applied to study chemical engineering at a US university but none of the scholarships offered enough coverage. The acceptable scholarship offer I received was for computer science.
This is where my lack of vision comes in. My dad asked if I wanted to stick with chemical engineering or switch to computer science, so I could be in the US. I wasn’t really attached to the dream of being a chemical engineer, so I took the scholarship.
Did you enjoy computer science?
The whole school thing wasn’t really about enjoying it; I just saw it as schoolwork. Right now, I don’t enjoy it particularly. I have a very good life, but I don’t feel fulfilled. I feel like I’m not making a huge impact on other people’s lives. I’m just helping this company make money. I’d rather be directly affecting people so they are better off for having met me.
So you see a career change in your near future?
Yes. I can’t imagine doing this for the next 20 years. I would lose my mind.
Was your trip to the US the first time you left Nigeria?
Yes, it was the first time ever. It was even my first time on a plane.
How old were you at the time?
I was 18.
What was it like being in a new country that young?
My family had friends living in the US whose kids had attended my boarding school in Nigeria. So when they were returning to the US, I left with them. They are genuine, lovely people who took me in as one of their own. I stayed with them before moving to my university. They really helped me have a soft landing. It would probably have been much harder if I hadn’t had them.
But the school environment was completely different. I felt weird because of my accent, so I barely spoke. I just went to class and did my assignments. I was by myself for a long time, and I was unlucky because I didn’t have a roommate in my dorm. It was just me doing schoolwork and calling friends back in Nigeria.
Sounds like you had a difficult time.
I wouldn’t necessarily say it was difficult because I didn’t really care about socialising much. I wouldn’t say I had a lower quality of life just because I wasn’t talking to people, but I also think it would have been good if I had. I was just the quiet kid who went to class, did the work, and left.
Have you been to Nigeria since you left?
No. Two years into my stay, I was supposed to go back for a visa renewal, but that was during the COVID-19 pandemic. I didn’t want to risk going back and getting stuck or getting sick.
If I get the chance to go back now, I probably wouldn’t take it because of the news about Nigeria’s worsening insecurity, especially kidnapping. I have this image in my head of arriving at Murtala Muhammed airport and ordering a ride, only for the driver to take me straight to a kidnapper’s den.
Do you see the US as a permanent home now, or do you see yourself returning to Nigeria at some point?
I’ve thought about it, and I still don’t feel at home here in the US. Sometimes I fantasise about the idea of retiring in Nigeria, but it isn’t a great place to be right now. I think I’d even rather go to another African country, like Ghana.
I’m also considering moving to Canada or Europe. I like how interconnected the countries in Europe are. Living there would mean I can travel to different countries easily and that would be nice. I feel it offers a wider range of experiences.
How much of the US have you seen?
I think I’ve seen quite a bit. The family friends I stayed with were in Baltimore. Then I moved to New Orleans for school. I spent a few months in California for an internship. I like running, so I’ve been to Portland and North Carolina for marathons. I’ve also been to Texas, Washington, and New York visiting friends. And I currently live in Boston.
What are your favourite and least favourite cities?
My favourite city is Boston, one hundred per cent. I love living here. The transport system is great, so I can get anywhere I need to go without needing to drive or spend money on ride services.
My least favourite has to be New Orleans. Some things about it reminded me too much of Nigeria. I know it’s a unique city with great food, music, and carnival culture. The Mardi Gras parades are always a great experience. But I still feel like I spent four years there against my will, so I’ll say it’s my least favourite.
What is your support system like now?
Like I said, I was very quiet in school at first, but I eventually made friends. There was this Black-American guy who sat in front of me in my introduction to computer science class and he noticed I usually finished classwork faster than anyone else. One day, he told me he had observed I was smart even though I didn’t talk. Later, he gave me a ride to the mall to get formal clothing for a school program. He just kept talking to me, and we started hanging out. I had to repeat myself a lot at first because of my accent, but he got used to it eventually.
He introduced me to his friend group, and I became part of the group. He’s picked up a lot of Nigerian lingo from me and now kisses his teeth too. The influence hasn’t been one sided; I’ve also picked up a few things from him.
I think the relationship between Black Americans and Nigerians or Africans in general is wildly misrepresented on social media. I’ve been here for six years, and I’ve had zero animosity from my Black-American friends or their parents. There is a lot of collaboration and friendships that people don’t talk about online.
After I left school and moved to Boston, I was by myself again for a bit of time. Eventually, I joined a friend group at work, and recently, I’ve made friends at church. So I think I have a pretty great support system currently.
How do you stay in touch with family back home?
Through WhatsApp messages and calls. I actually try to get away from them, but they don’t go away. They still find creative ways to piss me off from 6,000 miles away. I love them, but they are a lot. I also stay in touch with my friends from back home. Those guys have helped keep me sane at times.
What were the major culture shocks you experienced?
Not a lot to be honest. But there is one thing that I realised here that has stuck with me. I spent four years chasing a 4.0 CGPA and all I got for it was a gold star on my certificate. In Nigeria, there is a huge emphasis on academic results, and I expected that it would also be a big thing here. But at my graduation ceremony, the awards went to people who had leadership roles or helped the community in some way.
There is more emphasis on how you affect other people than on being a solo academic success. If I could do it over, I wouldn’t care about getting a B grade once in a while if it meant I was out helping to change lives and serving the community.
What is your worst experience in the US?
I haven’t really had bad days. I haven’t met any truly horrible people yet. I also don’t go out much, so that helps.
What about your best experience?
One time on vacation, I was hanging out with friends and got really drunk for the first time. I ended up puking everywhere. As I was going to crash on my bed, I was already thinking about how I would have to clean it all up when I woke up. But when I woke up, I saw my friends had stayed up all night cleaning up after me. That was a huge shift in my perspective. It made me realise people aren’t as self-centred as I thought. I vowed to pay it forward after that.
Another good experience was when I left school and started living alone. Realising I could actually take care of myself and be an adult was a great moment.
What’s your least favourite part of life in the US?
How individualistic people are. You have to be very intentional about making friends here; people don’t just fall into life because everyone is busy trying to figure out their own stuff.
And favourite part?
My favourite thing is having basic amenities like constant power and water. I really believe that if Nigerians back home had constant power, they would figure everything out.
I also love the diversity in the US. There are so many people from many nationalities here. You get to hear stories from all over the world and experience all these cultures.
On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you in the US?
It’s an easy ten. But I like to think I’m the type of person who could have a ten out of ten experience anywhere I am.
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