The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Last week, Nneoma shared how she left a comfortable life in Nigeria and ended up sleeping on benches in the UK. Now, she narrates how a chance encounter changed everything, but her father’s disapproval stands in the way of her happiness.
You left a “stable and happy life” in Nigeria and ended up sleeping outdoors in the UK. How did things turn around for you?
It started with meeting Michael*.
One day, after I left a patient’s house, I was walking in the rain, and a car pulled up next to me. The driver offered me a lift. He gave me a jacket for the cold, and we exchanged contact details.
I didn’t think much of it because he was white and a lot older than me. But he kept sending text messages and checking up on me, and that was how we got close.
Eventually, he asked to come and stay over at my place, so I invited him to my apartment near my university. It was an eight-bedroom shared apartment with a single bathroom and toilet. He was shocked at the conditions I was living in.
For the first three months after we met, I didn’t tell him I was sleeping outside most nights. I was too embarrassed. But after that visit, he wanted to understand how I was getting around between two cities for work and school. When I told him, he said, “You’re going to move out of this house” and that was how he got me my current apartment.
I’ve lived here for about a year and four months now. He gives me a weekly allowance too. He’s really changed my life and made it simple, but I still work hard.
Oh! You still work as a carer?
No. I work for a supported living facility now. I don’t directly provide care anymore. My role is more managerial. I manage finances and organise trips for the patients.
I also finished my Master’s earlier this year.
Congratulations. So, things are serious between you and Michael?
It’s pretty serious. I’ll be travelling back to Nigeria next year, and he wants to come with me. So I’d say it’s serious.
But there is a problem.
What’s the problem?
My dad doesn’t approve of Michael because of the age difference.
Does that make you worried about the trip to Nigeria?
No. We’re not going to see my dad in Nigeria. He doesn’t live there. We’re only going to see my mum.
Does your mother approve?
Whatever makes me happy makes my mum happy. So she’s very much okay with Michael. But my dad told me, “If you end up with him, I’m going to disown you.”
So I don’t know if I can marry Michael. Yes, I love him, but this is my father we’re talking about.
Were there any culture shocks for you in the UK?
Yes, so many. First, I was surprised by how many nationalities and ethnicities live here. I didn’t expect to see so many Indians, Pakistanis, Romanians and so on. There was a time I went to Bradford and didn’t see a single white person.
There’s a place in the city I live in where, if not for the British architecture, you’d think they extracted it straight from the mainland in Lagos and brought it here. There are so many Nigerians.
Maybe this isn’t a culture shock, but I’ve noticed Nigerians behave very differently here, and I don’t know why. They tend to worship white people. They try to make each other look bad in front of white people just to win their favour. I’m very careful around my Nigerian co-workers because of that.
I was also shocked by the work ethic of white people here. For example, when I get on the bus to work in the morning on weekdays, I see everyone — white and black. But on Saturdays and Sundays, I only see black people. The black people pick up every shift, even on weekends, but the whites don’t. I thought they’d be more hardworking.
Another thing is the amount of drinking. They don’t have many fun activities here in the UK. People are so lonely. Some of them will pay you just to sit and talk to them. They drink too much. Going to pubs is the main social activity, so they do that a lot and just drink. I think that’s the only fun thing they do.
And I have to mention this one. My white friends are shocked that I scrub my tongue while brushing my teeth. They don’t do that. That was really shocking to me. Also, they don’t use sponges or washcloths to bathe; they only use soap. Very weird.
Obviously, you’ve been through a lot. But could you pick your best and worst experiences in the UK?
The best experience is having my cousin with me. I met her for the first time here. My uncle (her father) introduced us because she’s going to university here. So she’s living with me now, and I love having her around. She’s my best friend now.
She likes cooking and I don’t, so it’s a perfect match. I’ve had so many meals for the first time thanks to her.
Obviously, meeting Michael has also been great. He’s given me a lot of really good experiences. One of my favourites was when he took me flying in his helicopter.
My worst experience was definitely the times I was sleeping outside. I made some friends, though — homeless friends. Some of them are drug addicts. Now that I’m better off, I take groceries to them or give them money when I see them. They’re actually nice people. But I’d say sleeping outside was the worst experience here.
What’s the biggest lesson you learned?
If you’re planning to come to the UK because someone promised to accommodate you, don’t do it. Don’t leave Nigeria until you’ve saved enough to pay for your accommodation.
Nobody cares in this UK. That’s what I’ve noticed. When they say they’ll accommodate you, they’re just excited that you’re coming because everybody’s bored. But once you get here and you’ve stayed for a few days, they get tired and want you out, then you end up on the streets and mentally broken. And your relationship with them will be ruined too.
How happy would you say you are on a scale of one to ten, and why?
I’d say eight. I’m happy because I’m comfortable now. I have shelter, I have a job, and I’m saving money. When I needed to pay for my graduate visa, I could easily afford it. I can afford to send money to my family back home.
Even my friends can rely on me financially. Some of them used to contribute to help me pay my rent, and now, when they need money, they can call on me. I’m happy I can repay them in that way.
I’m so happy I have Michael and my cousin. They really make me feel loved and seen.
It’s not a ten because it’s been so long since I saw my mum, and I really miss her. But I plan to do that soon.
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