Nigerians love their rice. If you watch the top ten YouTube tutorials of any Nigerian food blogger it will at least four rice dishes. Even though we are constantly finding new ways to reinvent rice, these rice dishes remain staples in most parts of Nigeria. I’m usually not one to pit a couple of bad bitches against each other, but I thought it’ll be fun to rank these dishes from the worst of them all to the best.
In the paragraph, before this, I talked about pitting bad bitches against each other. However, I think it’s important to note that even though Banga rice is on this list it’s most certainly not a bad bitch. In fact, it shouldn’t even exist. There are two things Banga is only ever allowed to go with – Starch and Eba. Absolutely nothing else, not even any other swallows.
My main problem with coconut rice stems from the fact that I don’t like coconuts. But even when you put that aside it’s a little hard to understand why anyone would voluntarily eat rice that tastes like it was chewed up and spat back out. There are some interesting variations to coconut rice like when you put carrots and peas in it, or cook it dry. But coconut rice at it’s core tastes like bad dreams and disappointment.
Here’s the thing about Ofada rice. It’s either you love it or you don’t there’s no in-between. People who love Ofada rice swear by it, no other rice dish compares. People who don’t, would rather eat sand before they touch it. As for, me I say give me the Ofada sauce and keep the rice. This might be a hot take, but Ofada sauce bangs more with plain old white rice.
You might not understand why concoction rice, which is usually at the bottom of everyone’s list is so high up on mine. Until you try TFC’s Ajoke rice. They might have a fancy name for it, but it’s really just concoction rice. It has all the same properties as regular conception rice, ponmo, palm oil, fish. But Ajoke rice is inarguably top tier, it’s concoction rice with international exposure.
Before I say what I have to say about Jollof rice, this is an appeal to anyone reading this not to stalk me down and beat me. After touring through thirteen West African countries (#humblebrag) and trying Jollof in each I’m here to tell you guys that Nigerian Jollof rice is just there. I love my smoky firewood party Jollof any day especially when you pair it with dry fried meat. But regular old Nigerian Jollof is unremarkable. Firewood Jollof is the only reason Jollof rice ranks below Concoction rice for me.
I know you Jollof stans are about to fight me for ranking Fried Rice above Jollof but just wait, hear me out. The thing with Fried rice, is that a lot of people just don’t know how to make it right. It’s a delicate dish that needs the magical hands of a great cook. You can’t be buying Fried rice from the Iya Bas on your street. Who is literally just cooking rice with curry, putting two carrots and three peas on it, and calling it fried rice. Then say you hate fried rice, that’s not Fried rice.
I know people like to hate on Fried rice because it has all these supporting acts like carrots, sweet corn and all of that goodness, but that’s just why we love it. Those are the things that make fried rice, fried rice.
White Rice & Stew
White Rice & Stew is like Beyonce. She is so talented and has made such a name for herself that even if you don’t really like her you can’t deny that she’s the best at what she does. There have been rice dishes before her and more will come after her but she’ll never go anywhere.