The Broke Person’s Guide To Eating Out In Lagos

February 22, 2019
Eating out is one of my biggest guilty pleasures. Nothing gives me more joy than spending a week’s worth of food money on a single meal, and a waiter asking me a hundred and one times if my food is ok. The only problem is that I’m broke, so I spend an unreasonable amount of time thinking up hacks that’ll let me eat out without breaking the bank. As my good deed for the week, I thought I’d share them with you guys.

If you are thirsty you had better order water. If want to feel fancy you can ask them for slices of lemon and ice to put in your cup.

You are only allowed to order cocktails if it’s Christmas or your birthday.

Eat before you go out to eat.

The worst decisions are made on an empty stomach. Like deciding to other an appetizer, main meal and dessert. Who do you even think you are?

It’s 2019 why are you still going to restaurants that don’t give complimentary appetizers.

Load up on that bread basket. If you don’t have shame you can even pack it as take away.

Because we are all mad in Lagos, some restaurants will make you pay as much as 1k for a takeaway pack for leftovers.

If they ask you to pay just tell them to help you wrap it in foil. No time.

Mocktails are cheaper than cocktails. So if you want a cocktail invest in a hip flask and spike your mocktails.

Just like that Chapman becomes Dirty Chapman. Sha don’t let any waiter catch you and disgrace you.

Don’t play around with happy hours.

If you want to use enjoyment to kill yourself without killing your bank account only eat out during happy hours.

New restaurant, new birthday.

Every time you check out a new restaurant tell them it’s your birthday. If they have any manners at all at least you’ll get dessert on the house.

Except you just collected salary what are you looking for buying food off the main menu?

When you can order from the sides or appetizer menu. It’s only because you are even watching your weight, it’s not because appetizers are cheaper.

Follow all of your favourite places on Instagram so that you never miss out on deals.

This kind of awoof no dey run belle.

The veggie version of any meal is always cheaper.

Cheaper and healthier. See it’s a win-win situation.

Why order dessert when you can go and taste ten flavours of ice-cream at any ice-cream store and call it a day.

When you are done tasting all the flavours you want, tell them you couldn’t really find anything you like.

Armed with these new hacks I’ve been so gracious to share, go forth and chop life.

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