Depending on the kind of person you are, your relationship with your exes could be great or really toxic. This quiz will tell you how your exes feel about you. Do they think you’re the one that got away or the worst mistake they’ve ever made?
Take to find out:
There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a Friday series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.
After earning a modest but passionate following thanks to her awe-inspiring covers, Efe Oraka announced herself as a star to watch with her stunning original songs, “Wonderland” and “Nigerian Dream”.
Now, the gifted singer-songwriter is back with her first release in over a year, the M.I Abaga-assisted “Zion” — the second single off her forthcoming debut EP, Magic.
On the track, Efe Oraka sings about letting go of a relationship that has only ever caused her pain. M.I comes in at the end to deliver an astonishing closing verse, neatly wrapping up the fantastic song.
For everyone who went to secondary school in Nigeria, there are common annoying and borderline traumatic experiences that link us all together. So, we gathered 13 of them to see if they’d trigger some equally funny and unpleasant memories.
Your enemies have won.
What is this stress?
Excuse me?
Based on what?
Here we go again.
The worst sound ever.
Can’t be me.
Ugly nonsense.
Hay God!
The last thing you want to hear when they are flogging you.
That’s actually making it worse
Shut your damn mouth, oversabi.
It’s like they stand up and run away.
How long will it take for you account balance to finally catch up with your expensive tastes? Well, this quiz is here to tell you when exactly you’ll become the filthy person you were always destined to be.
Take to find out:
There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a Friday series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.
Even though love is the most popular subject amongst Nigerian artists, we rarely get proper duets that focus on the emotion. Thankfully, Jinmi Abduls and Atawewe are here to fill that hole with “Show Me”.
On the hypnotic track, Jinmi Abduls and Atawewe sing about how our generation expresses love. While Jinmi would rather keep his relationship away from prying eyes, Atawewe seeks a love that’s loud and public.
Both stars, who are not yet household names, deliver truly stunning performances, indicating that they should really be on everyone’s radar this year, especially the soulful Atawewe.
Few things on earth are more annoying and entitled than a younger sibling, especially when they are very clearly your parents’ favourite. So, if you have at least one younger sibling that stressed you growing up, then this post is for you.
Ah! Calm down na.
For what again?
Are you not tired?
Is your hand paining you?
Did you see your mate here?
That small thing?
Did they pay me your school fees?
UGH!
Better go to school with rumpled uniform.
They should buy you your own, abeg.
Hian! Can I sleep?
I’d rather throw it all away.
Please, sit your ass at home/
GO AWAY!
Why the hell?
Intentionally or not, the probability that your mere existence has ruined a few solid relationships is quite high. So, we created a quiz that can guess how much of a homewrecker you’ve been in your lifetime.
Take to find out
There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a Friday series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.
Last month, Complex rightfully heralded Somadina as one of the Nigerian up-and-comers to watch out for in 2020 — alongside the likes of Tems, Joeboy and Fireboy DML — and now, the gifted rising star has proven why with her astonishing debut project, Five Stages.
On the EP, Somadina goes through the five stages of grief, starting with denial (“but i should”) and finally ending on acceptance (“a capella”). However, the emotion that births the strongest track is unsurprisingly the most explosive, anger (“dont need”).
On the track, Somadina seems to be mad at both a good-for-nothing lover and herself for keeping up with his shit for so long, Jay10, the only feature on the project, earns his place, delivering a solid verse that complements Somadina’s simmering rage on the rest of the song.
Growing up in Nigeria, there were a couple of insults that hit us way too hard. In retrospect, most of them didn’t even make any damn sense, but that didn’t stop them from making us cry.
Here are 15 of the most popular:
What’s wrong with having eba on my wedding day?
Sorry to that akpu.
What the hell did this even mean?
Na the village sabi.
Monkeys cannot have taste again?
Huh?
In 2020, this actually sounds like a compliment.
Nobody is bigger than choking, abeg.
OK…
That sounds like his own personal problem.
Ok. This one was annoying.
At least I’m American.
Maybe he just has a big appetite na.
This one used to pain small sha.
Lmao. WHAT?
Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual man who spent the better part of his 20s travelling around Nigeria for sex. After being with about 60 women, he says he’s finally found peace in monogamy.
The memory is pretty vague, but when I was younger, someone who lived with us watched a lot of porn. So, at a really young age, I knew things I shouldn’t have known and was trying things I probably shouldn’t have been trying.
When I was 7 or 8, female cousins and family friends would come around, and we’d sneak off to the corner to fool around — a lot of kissing and dry humping. I didn’t even know what I was doing, but I still tried.
I still think about it from time to time; I don’t think porn was the only source of my curiosity. Honestly, I think my subconscious might have suppressed something traumatic that happened. I suspect that I might have been molested by one of my older cousins, but I can’t say for certain.
I was 16, and I’d just finished secondary school. I was still trying to figure out which university I’d attend, so I decided to crash with an older friend who was already in school. He used to have his friends come around, and one of them was a babe in her mid-20s.
One day, I was gisting with my friend, and he asked if I was still a virgin. At that point, I’d only ever gotten handjobs and blowjobs, so I told him. He asked if I’d be down to fuck someone he brought for me, but I thought he was just joking, so I shut it down.
About a week later, his friend came over and he said something to her. She went into his room, and he told me to go in after her. When I got in, she told me to sit down and we started gisting. One thing eventually led to another, and we had sex.
Not at all. Having sex was something I really wanted to do, but I just didn’t know how to make it happen. To both their credits, I never felt like I was being pressured. The fact that the babe and I had a conversation beforehand made it feel a lot more organic.
I was honestly just glad to get it out of the way. I actually came away from the experience believing that I was great at sex, but a few years later, she told me that I kinda sucked. That’s how I became obsessed with sexual research.
I was reading books, watching porn and asking women who were willing to talk. I just wanted to know how to be better at it, specifically trying to understand what made sex enjoyable and special for women.
I get that. A lot of them are very unrealistic — from the overeager moaning to the ever-lasting erections — but a few of them can be quite insightful. If you’re willing to wade through the trash, I think there’s a lot you can learn from porn.
It was very helpful. I was single in school, so I was exploring a lot. I wasn’t really into the babes at my school, so I did a lot of travelling for sex. And since I was sleeping with multiple people, I was always in my head about delivering in bed.
Most times, you only get one chance to impress. I didn’t want a situation where someone would spread gist that I was a waste of body count. So, the research definitely helped me put my best foot forward in a lot of cases.
Not really. I tried two kinds of threesomes — two men and a woman; two women and a man — and experimented with pain, but that’s as far as my wildness went. Never felt the need to do anything that was over the top.
Man, I reached Oyo, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Benin and a lot more. I took weekends off school just to travel for sex. Hotels used to do it for me then, and unlike Lagos and Abuja, they were pretty cheap in most of the states I reached.
Yeah. It helped that I actually enjoyed travelling. So, I’d just chat up someone on social media, and we’d eventually make plans to meet up. This was even how I met some of my closest friends — our relationship started with me travelling to meet them for sex.
I mean, we are all cool now. There’s no longer any sexual tension. Most of them are married or in serious relationships, but our first point of contact was no-strings-attached sex. Then the friendships inadvertently followed.
It was a lot. I can’t give an accurate number, but I think I slept with about 60 women. It could have been a lot more, but I didn’t find the babes in my university attractive at all. At some point, I decided to try being celibate for a year — just to see if I could — but I didn’t get past 5 months.
I think the word addiction is too strong., At the time, I never thought about it as something excessive. I was really just enjoying my youth. Looking back it now, however, I feel like a professional might have called it an addiction.
Well, I’m in a committed relationship, and it’s a lot more stable. It’s less stressful trying to please just one woman. So, yeah, I’m a completely different person now. I’ve definitely grown up a lot, and I no longer feel like I have to prove anything to myself.
Yeah, I was. In secondary school, I was too shy to even talk to girls. I was the guy that would stand watch for friends while they had sex. Once I gained my confidence, I think I started using sex to validate my masculinity and self-worth. Thankfully, I’ve moved past that stage.
Nope. When you’ve hooked up with that many people, nothing feels special anymore. With monogamy, you are developing a real connection. No matter what anybody says, sex is more fun when there’s an actual connection, especially when you’re in love.
Another benefit of monogamy is that I’m no longer as anxious as I used to be about sex. I’m not constantly worrying about getting a negative review, because I know that if I’m off my game for any reason, my partner wouldn’t judge me.
Before I answer that question, I want to make it clear that I don’t believe we are all meant to be monogamous — I genuinely don’t think it can work for everyone. For me, however, I have definitely found peace in it.
I think it’s the best thing for me at this point in my life, but I don’t know if I’ll still feel this way a few years down the line. Anything can happen. My partner could wake up one day and decide she wants to be open.
I’m definitely not opposed to that. I feel like relationships, especially now, can’t stay the same for too long. When you’re in a long-term relationship, things will eventually get boring, so it’s important to be open to spicing things up.
I mean, it might not even have to be with an open relationship — it could be with introducing toys or trying threesomes — but you have to be open to having that dialogue. I think that’s the key to being in a long-term committed relationship.
I’d give it an 8. Honestly, I’ve felt like a character in a movie — I’ve seen things, I’ve done things, I’ve been used, I’ve used people, I’ve shuffled through fetishes, I’ve explored my body. So, yeah, I think an 8 over 10 is fair. I know for a fact that I haven’t lived a boring life.
I don’t think I know enough. I definitely haven’t reached my final form yet. There’s probably still a lot to explore. I believe that when I’m finally living with my partner or married, I’ll figure more shit out. That’s why it’s not a 10 yet.
Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. If you would like to get this story in your mail before everyone else — complete with inside gist that doesn’t make the final cut, sign up here. Catch up on older stories here.