Marriage is often seen as the ultimate proof of commitment, but not every relationship follows that script.
Inspired by the latest installment in the Zikoko Life series, Before We Fall Asleep, we spoke to Nigerians whose relationships look different from the norm. Here’s how they navigate their relationships and the pressure to commit.
“We don’t want marriage after 8 years” — Rejoice*, 29
My boyfriend and I have been together since 2018, but we’ve never felt the urgency to get married. I was open to it at first, but he’s always been uncomfortable with the idea.
Over the years, I realised I don’t want to get married just because it’s the expected next step. I don’t want children, and marriage would only invite endless questions about when the babies are coming.
Our families still hope we’ll eventually do things the traditional way, but after eight years together, I don’t think a marriage certificate would make us any more committed.
“We prioritised being parents first” — Ahmad*, 31
My fiancée and I had only been dating for a few months when we found out she was pregnant with twins in 2022. It wasn’t planned, but we chose to keep them. There was so much pressure to rush to the altar, but we decided against it.
Instead, we postponed our wedding until after the babies were born so she could recover and feel like herself again. Our focus became building our family first.
We’re finally getting married early next year, and waiting has only made us more certain we’re doing it for the right reasons.
“We’re not a couple, but we will always be partners” — Angela* 47
When I relocated to the US, dating was much harder than I’d imagined. By the time I turned 42 and another relationship had ended, I realised marriage might not be in the cards for me. But I still wanted to be a mum.
A close friend I’d dated when I first relocated wanted children too, so we decided to have a baby in 2022. It wasn’t the future I’d pictured, but it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
We’ve never been romantically involved since our son was born, but he gets the love and support of both parents. I also have the freedom to date at my own pace. My mum still insists on calling him my husband, even though she knows he isn’t.
“Being open doesn’t make us less committed” — Lekan* 32
I’ve been in an open relationship for the past two years. Before my girlfriend and I got together, we’d both been in relationships that ended badly. We spent a lot of time talking about what we wanted and realised we shared the same views on commitment. After our first year together, we decided to open the relationship.
The arrangement has worked so far because we agreed on our boundaries from the beginning and always revisit them to avoid jealousy. We also don’t plan on ever getting married. It would shock our families, so we keep that part of our relationship private.
Would you choose love without marriage? Watch Before We Fall Asleep and tell us where you stand.
If these stories made you question what commitment really looks like, Before We Fall Asleep explores the same conversation through Tola and Nazo’s unconventional relationship. The new episode is out now on YouTube.
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