Bola* (39) and her husband, Biodun* (43), agreed to a temporary long-distance arrangement when he got a lucrative job in another state. But when he stopped coming home, Bola reached her limit. She moved with their children and refused to return until he agreed to reunite their family.

At the end of this story, you’ll get to answer one question: Did she fuck up or not?

This is Bola’s dilemma, as told to Betty:

My husband, Biodun, and I met at church in 2010. He was handsome, charming and a solid Christian, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I happily said yes. 

The relationship was beautiful, and in 2012, we got married. Biodun taught at a secondary school while I ran a provision store. We didn’t have much, but we lived comfortably within our means. 

Everything changed in 2017, shortly after we had our second child.  A building contractor from the church offered Biodun a job in Abuja. The pay was generous, and he’d also earn commissions. We agreed it was too soon to move the whole family, so he moved alone while I stayed back with the kids.

The first year was amazing. The extra income transformed our lives. I moved to a bigger shop, hired a live-in nanny and even bought a car. Biodun also bought a car and rented a spacious 2-bedroom apartment in Abuja. Every month, he’d fly to Ibadan, spend about a week with us, then return to work. We were happy. 

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The problems started in 2019.

I suggested joining Biodun in Abuja, but he refused. He said the city wasn’t safe, and he didn’t want the kids growing up there. I wasn’t convinced, but I accepted his reason. 

Then COVID happened. Biodun could no longer make his monthly visits because of the lockdown. The nanny also quit and moved out. Suddenly, I was stuck at home alone with two kids. He called often, but phone calls couldn’t replace having my husband around.

After the lockdown was lifted in May, I waited for Biodun to visit, but he didn’t. After two months, I asked him when he planned to come home. That’s when the excuses started. 

He was really busy because business had kicked off again. He had an important event he couldn’t miss because of  networking. The excuses kept coming, and I grew more upset.

I even reported him to his mother. She promised he’d come home, but nothing changed. I kept telling him how much the children and I missed him, how lonely I was becoming and how I needed him around. He’d promise to visit soon, but he never did.

I stayed patient for a whole year. 

When he told me he wasn’t going to make it to Ibadan for Christmas in 2022, I simply said, “No problem.”  After the holidays, I packed my things, took my children and moved in with my married sister. 

When my mother found out, she was livid. She called Biodun, who bombarded me with calls, demanding that I move back into the house with the kids. I refused. 

I told him I was tired of the loneliness. If he was going to make me live like a single mother, I at least wanted another adult in the house to talk to at the end of the day. I told him I wasn’t coming back unless he agreed to relocate us to Abuja or return to Ibadan himself. 

By then, I’d also convinced myself he had another woman in Abuja. I was determined to make it hard for him to abandon our family. 

He accused me of standing in the way of our progress, and I accused him of trying to avoid his responsibilities. We couldn’t see eye to eye. It took both our families’ intervention before he finally agreed to let us join him in Abuja.

But now I wonder if it was worth it. We moved here in 2023, yet Biodun still feels distant. 

He leaves early every day, comes home late and barely speaks to me beyond what’s necessary. He’s affectionate with the kids, but it’s like he’s shut me out completely. I’ve tried different ways to bridge the gap between us. I even suggested moving back to Ibadan, but he refused. 

Now, I’m in Abuja with my husband, but I feel just as lonely as before.

I’ve been asking myself if I messed up by insisting we move here. I was only trying to protect my home.

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