Menopause has a way of catching women off guard because nothing quite prepares you for what it takes. For many women in the workplace, that unpreparedness shows up in the emotions they have spent years learning to manage, suddenly refusing to be managed. 

In this article, Nigerian women open up about a quiet unravelling of the identities they spent their entire careers building.

1. “I’ve started having awful memory lapses” — Tinuade*, 45

Before menopause, my memory was the clearest. While some of my friends had trouble remembering an event that happened decades ago, I had no trouble with it. I was the co-worker everyone ran to when they couldn’t remember something. They used to say there was no use documenting work stuff because they had someone like me in the office. That was something I took pride in, but when my menstrual periods permanently stopped, I started having these awful memory lapses. 

These days, it’s a miracle if I remember the food I ate an hour ago. At work, I can barely remember what my colleagues say during meetings, and now, they’re the ones reminding me what task I am supposed to do. It’s frustrating, going from someone who can remember the colour of the shoes an actress on TV wore years ago, to someone who has a hard time remembering what she got up to during the day. 

My doctor friend recommended a supplement, and while they have helped with my hot flashes, my memory has not improved at all. I keep taking them, hoping, but I am also looking into other options.

2. “I didn’t realise how much of a privilege sleep was” — Chioma*, 46

I had a regular sleep schedule that worked well for me because I always had to be up as early as 4 am to get ready for the day. My work hours have always been gruelling, but having a sleep schedule that gave me at least seven hours of sleep helped me stay active at work. I didn’t realise how much of a privilege that was until menopause. Countless times, I’ve had to stay awake in the middle of the night because of uncomfortable hot flashes that my medications have not been able to curb. Even when I try a cold shower or sleeping pills, it takes a long time before sleep finds me. 

Now, I wake up at 6:30 am, and I’m always so tired. My brain has to work extra hard to keep me awake and get me through the day. Before, I could finish five deliverables by the end of the day, but now? I thank God if I can even finish one. I’m still waiting for the day my boss gets tired of me and tells me the company no longer needs me.

Although if I’m being honest, even on my worst days, I still outperform some of my male colleagues. That thought is the only thing that eases my fear, because I do my best not to make my struggles obvious at work. 

3. “It’s a struggle not to say things that would get me sacked” — Anuoluwa*, 50 

I work in a male-dominated PR and Advertising agency. As one of the few female executives, I’ve always had to control my tongue during meetings when a male executive interrupts me while I’m in the middle of sharing an idea that could be helpful to a project. It irritated me a lot, but because there were many more men than women, I had to learn to keep quiet. 

This disrespect thrived until menopause finally got to me, and my brain-to-mouth filter shut down. 

I no longer have the patience to tolerate the things I once did. At meetings, whenever I get interrupted by a man in the room, I snap at him without caring. I’ve received a query because one of the executives didn’t like the way I spoke to him. It’s a struggle getting my mouth not to say anything that would get me sacked.

I’m good at my job, but at the same time, I’m stepping on a lot of toes that are not used to being stepped on. 

4. “I refused to let it define me” — Anike*, 48

When I hit menopause, I knew I would not be able to fulfil my lifelong dream of spending all my life in corporate. 

I was constantly exhausted and struggling to speak as eloquently as I once had, but I refused to let that define me after all the contributions I had made to put the company on the map.

I spent months researching businesses I could invest in. I have never been one to sit idle, so I had lengthy discussions with friends who are full-time business owners, and got the idea to set up a textile business.

Once my business was up and running, I was finally able to resign. 

I miss the stable routine my 9-5 gave me, but it has been much easier to manage my menopause alongside my business. I have a wonderful sales assistant, so even when words fail me, as they often do, she is there to help me communicate more clearly. I no longer have to panic at the thought of being perceived as incompetent, and while my medication has not helped as much as everyone promised it would, I am more at peace with myself.

5. “I’ve teared up in my boss’s office too many times” — Stella*, 40

Menopause has made me extremely sensitive. I’m used to having a thick skin that can take any criticism at work without complaint. It is something I believed was necessary to survive in a corporate setting in Nigeria, and I was right, because since I hit menopause, my boss has deemed me “too emotional.” 

Nigerian bosses expect you to take all the negative things they throw at you. Honestly, I didn’t mind before, but the early arrival of my menopause has messed everything up. There have been one too many cases of me tearing up in my boss’s office after he’s done shouting at me for not doing the deliverable the way he’d asked me to. 

It’s embarrassing, and I hate the way my boss now uses this to justify his argument that women shouldn’t be working. I’ve decided I might resign and finally look into the perfume business I’ve been thinking of starting. I no longer have the emotional bandwidth to survive that toxic workplace. 

6. “Every morning, I beg myself to get out of bed” — Bolu*, 53

I love working, so I usually don’t mind the number of tasks dumped on me. My boss can call me in the middle of the night to assign a task that I must execute before the next day, and I won’t mind much, since being a single mother of a grown teenager means I don’t usually have many responsibilities outside work. 

I also like how the tasks shut off my brain in a way that I like. I valued that a lot. It’s why I’m so angry at menopause, because it has taken away the energy I used to put into my work. Now, every morning, I beg myself to get out of bed because I don’t have the will to start my day. Normally, at work, I go beyond what’s expected of me, but these days, I don’t even have the strength to do what is expected of me. 

This has affected my performance, and my boss has begun to express her disappointment. I really don’t think I will last another year at my place of work. I suspect she might understand if I told her, but I can’t bring myself to have that conversation. I am looking into treatments and low-effort exercises that might help, but even so, I really don’t think I will last another year at my place of work.

7. “The anxiety has made work overbearing” — Moyo*, 54

I’m a university lecturer, and although I educated myself on everything a woman should know about menopause, I was still not prepared for it. I thought that my career wouldn’t be affected because I was ready for the hot flashes, insomnia and occasional mood swings to be as bad as they were.

My prescribed drugs have helped keep some of that in check, but anxiety was something I never saw coming, and nothing I am on has helped with it.

There are times when I am scared to enter class and face my students. At first, it didn’t make sense to me because I’ve been teaching for almost two decades now, and I’ve never had a racing heart at the thought of facing students. I even thought it was just a one-time thing, but then, it transitioned into me not wanting to talk to my students personally, even though I’m a level advisor. It became difficult to call a student to discuss their grades because of all the overthinking that went into it. 

I’m considering leaving my job because I’m actually very tired. 

8. “I find it hard to string two sentences together” — Elo*, 46

Educating myself on menopause did not prepare me for the way my brain went from sharp to dumb. 

I find it hard to string two sentences together, and for a woman who works in communications, this is quite embarrassing. Before, I could go toe-to-toe with any colleague when arguing, but now? I stay out of arguments because, even when I have my facts, my brain cannot make them blend seamlessly. I know now that this is brain fog, but knowing what it is does not make it any easier to live with.

When I have to write a press release, I take hours writing the first sentence because even though I know what I want to write, I can’t find it in me to write it. I’ve started assigning my deliverables to the entry-level staff under me, and I feel so bad for them because they’re doing more than they can handle, but I am unable to do well at my work. 

9. “My easy camaraderie with staff no longer exists” — Kemi*, 56

My menopause has turned me into this strange woman who is constantly irritated. My husband and my kids tend to steer clear of me when I’m in one of those moods, and at work, it is the same. 

I own a hairdressing salon, and I have about 15 staff, including apprentices, and we all had a good rapport before. I was the kind of boss they could approach to talk about anything and everything, but ever since menopause happened, that easy camaraderie no longer exists. 

I am constantly irritated with them, even for the smallest mistakes I usually overlook. They no longer come to me, and it makes me sad because I liked it when they did. Some even stopped working for me, and in a year, I’ve had to replace some of my best hairstylists. 

10. “A fog clouds my brain’s ability to make sense” — Anita*, 48

There are days when my body doesn’t mind getting out of bed and getting ready for work, but there have been many times when I’ve woken up and asked myself whether going to work was really important. 

I’m an accountant, and my office is close to my house. But menopause has made that little distance feel like a long one. I have to force myself to get ready, and even at work, I can barely pay attention, which is frustrating because I deal with numbers. My brain needs constant focus, but there’s this fog clouding its ability to make sense. 

I can’t count the number of times I’ve messed up at work, and my colleague had to cover for me. I’m scared that one day she’ll stop, and my mistakes will be visible to my bosses. 

11. “I have to force myself to stay present” — Annie*, 44

One thing no one told me about menopause is depression. It hit me out of nowhere. I can barely work since most of the time, I have to force myself to be present in the moment. It takes me weeks to finish a simple task, and my boss has started entrusting projects I was supposed to work on to other colleagues because he can’t trust me to finish them on time. 

The only reason why I still have this job is that I’ve contributed a lot to the company’s growth, and although my boss is disappointed in my recent performance, he believes I’ve earned my “laziness”. I don’t correct him when he says that because I don’t think he is the kind of person to understand menopause or depression fully.  

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