Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Cassy* (30) thought she’d found something real when she met Dimeji* (31) shortly before the lockdown. What started as constant texting quickly became a serious relationship. But a visit to his place uncovered a shocking secret that made her question everything she thought she knew about the man she loved.
For Sunken Ships, Cassy talks about the moment his lies unravelled, and why she left without looking back.
How did you meet Dimeji?
I met him at a picnic in Ibadan shortly before the 2020 lockdown. We got paired to play a game, and after we won, we exchanged numbers and started texting regularly.
When did you realise you had feelings for him?
I noticed my feelings for him had changed shortly after we got into the habit of texting every day. He was handsome and charming, so it didn’t take long before I started looking forward to his messages.
Did the lockdown have any influence on your relationship?
It had a huge impact. I lived in Ibadan while Dimeji was based in Lagos, and after we went into lockdown, he became my closest online companion. I lived alone, and on several days, he was the only one I spoke to. We became close friends during that period.
Did you tell him about how you felt?
Yes, but only after he confessed his own feelings to me in June of 2020. We agreed that he’d visit me in Ibadan as soon as restrictions were lifted.
How did that visit go?
It was as wonderful as I imagined. We spent a whole weekend at my place just sleeping together and watching movies.
Was that when your relationship became official?
Yes. He told me he saw a future with me and asked me to be his girlfriend that weekend in August. I was already deep in my feelings for him, so of course, I said yes.
What were the early days of your relationship like?
They were great. We talked every single day. He was also generous and attentive. I thought I had found my last bus stop.
What changed?
In February 2021, I had to go to Lagos for an embassy appointment. I figured I would stay at my man’s place to save money on hotel costs. But when I told him about my trip a week ahead, he said I wouldn’t be able to stay with him because he had a friend squatting in his apartment. He offered to cover some of the hotel costs instead.
What happened after that?
It was fine with me, but I still wanted to visit him. Every time we had seen each other, he had come to my place in Ibadan. I knew his address, but I’d never been to his place, and I wanted to see where he lived. When I suggested this, he turned me down and said we could go out instead.
What did you say to that?
I thought he was being considerate of the friend who was staying with him, which was why he didn’t want me to visit. So I assured him that I just wanted to know where my boyfriend lived and wouldn’t make his guest feel uncomfortable. He didn’t like that.
What do you mean?
It escalated into an argument out of nowhere. He accused me of not listening to him and trying to strong-arm him into doing what I say. I was so surprised at his reaction that I started apologising even though I didn’t know what I’d said to set him off.
What happened after the argument?
He became a little distant, but I figured he’d come around as he did after all our usual fights and continued plans for my trip to Lagos.
Tell me about the Lagos trip.
That was when everything really scattered. I wanted to make it up to Dimeji for upsetting him, so I bought him a pair of headphones he’d been raving about. I decided I would drop it off at his place with his security guard as a surprise.
How did that go?
After finishing up at the embassy, I went over to his place. There, I met the friend staying with him and tried to drop off the gift. When he asked for my name, I told him to say it was from Dimeji’s girlfriend. I can’t explain how I felt when he replied, “Oh, it’s from Tiwa*?”
Ah, who is Tiwa?
That was my exact question. His friend explained that was the person he knew to be Dimeji’s girlfriend. I felt my head getting hot and called him immediately.
What did he say?
When I told him I was at his place, he hung up and sent me several angry text messages asking why I didn’t follow his instructions to stay away. I asked who Tiwa was, and he stopped replying entirely. I tried calling him and texting him, but he didn’t respond.
Omo. What did you do after that?
I took the gift and went back to my hotel.
Did Dimeji reach out to you after that?
Yes, that evening, he came over. He immediately started begging and explained that Tiwa was his long-time girlfriend, but he couldn’t leave her because whenever he tried, she threatened to harm herself. He said he loved me, but we just needed to keep things lowkey till he could safely get out of his relationship with Tiwa
Whoa, that’s crazy. How did you react to that?
His explanation sounded insane to me. I asked him why he chased me if he knew he was with someone else, and he said he didn’t want to be without me.
How did this whole ordeal make you feel?
I felt so emotionally drained. It felt like I went from stability in my relationship to utter chaos. It was as if he was trying to manipulate me into becoming an official side chick. I wanted to get away from all the wahala and heal.
How did the conversation with Dimeji end that night?
I broke up with him. I couldn’t stomach the fact that he’d been lying to me for the entirety of our relationship. I was so hurt.
What happened after that?
I went back to Ibadan and was determined to move on from him. It was difficult because I had told everyone in my life about him.
Did he ever reach out after that night?
Yes, he did. I blocked him on all our shared social media when I got back to Ibadan, but he started sending me emails instead. He begged me to come back to him and swore he would end things with Tiwa once I did. I never replied to any of them.
Is there any chance you can revive your relationship with him and work things out?
Never. Aside from the fact that he’s a liar, I can’t trust him. In mid 2023, I saw he made an engagement announcement. He had proposed to the very same Tiwa he told me he’d been trying to break up with. That was when I realised he probably never intended to leave her at all.
Ah, that’s wild.
I was surprised too. But I’m happy that I didn’t let myself get tangled up in whatever game he was trying to play with my heart.
Did this affect the way you view love and relationships?
It was a bad experience, but I still believe I’ll find love. However, I will never stay with someone who doesn’t have the values I respect, like honesty. My ideal person is someone I can completely trust.
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