We’re told that forgiving family should come easily, but for many Nigerians, some betrayals hit too close to home to let them go. 

From childhood grievances that stuck, to moments of broken trust that reshaped entire relationships, Nigerians across different ages share their stories about the family member they’ll never forgive.

“She told everyone about my pregnancy” — Farida*, 29, F

My cousin blabbed about my pregnancy to everyone after I told her I wanted to keep it a secret. I had suffered a miscarriage previously and wanted to be sure I would carry to term. I only told her and my older sister. A few days later, I started getting calls from my extended family congratulating me on the pregnancy. I was livid.

When I confronted her, she said I was overreacting, and there were no witches in our family that would eat the baby in my stomach. I cut her off after that and I refuse to speak to her again.

“My uncle called me a liar” — Dare*, 27, M

I’ll never forgive my uncle for calling me a liar multiple times when I called to beg for upkeep money for school. He’d say I should admit I needed the money for something else instead of lying that it was for school.

It’s made me very anxious about money. I prefer to resolve my financial issues myself instead of leaning on others, and this has strained relationships where people genuinely wanted to help. I hate it.

“She read my diary and showed her friends” — Kemi*, 31, F

My older sister read my diary and took it to school to show all her friends. I felt so exposed. I had to deal with mockery at school for weeks, and it had a terrible effect on my self-esteem.

I became more reserved after that. I’ve never forgiven her for it, and there is now a permanent distance between us.

“He blamed me after crashing my car” — Philip*, 60, M

My younger brother crashed my first car in 2002, and it ruined our relationship. I’d only had it for a week when he called and asked to borrow it for a quick errand. A few hours later, I got a call that my brother had been in an accident. He had driven recklessly and completely destroyed my car. I was back to being a pedestrian.

I refuse to forgive him because instead of being apologetic, he blamed me for letting him take the car. He said I should have followed him instead of trusting that he could make the drive. Despite intervention from our parents and siblings, I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.

“He took a loan and disappeared” — Similioluwa*, 28, F

My cousin put me down as a guarantor for a loan and disappeared. I was the one left dealing with angry calls, WhatsApp harassment, and endless embarrassment.

I can’t forgive him for putting me in that position. Especially because he did so without even asking me first.

“My brother scammed me” — Tunde*, 35, M

My older brother scammed me out of my savings. In 2016, I trusted him with money for a poultry business we were supposed to start together, but he couldn’t account for it.

There was no business, and he didn’t return my funds. To this day, he acts like it wasn’t a big deal. I can’t forgive that kind of betrayal.

“My sister snitched on me to our parents” — Ire*, 26, F

Last year, I sent my sister videos of me dancing at a rave, and she sent them to our parents. I got into so much trouble. We stopped speaking for a few weeks and made up.

Now, she’s taken an interest in the rave scene and had the audacity to ask me if she could follow me to the next one I attend. I know what my eyes saw when she told my parents. If she wants to go to a rave, she should go by herself. I can’t trust her like that again.

“My cousin pretends we’re cool after bullying me” — Ibrahim*, 26, M

My older cousin bullied me throughout my childhood, and everyone dismissed it as ‘rough play’. We also went to the same secondary school, so it felt like I couldn’t get a break from the bullying.

It affected my confidence for years. Now that we’re older, he acts like we’re cool, but I can’t pretend like it didn’t happen. He’s never offered a proper apology, and I can’t forgive it.

“My cousin sexually assaulted me” — Ibidun*, 34, F

I was sexually assaulted by a male cousin as a child. When my mother confronted my aunt and him about his conduct, he said I came to him and asked for it.

It did a number on my self esteem. It has taken years of prayers, therapy and determination to rise above that experience and become the woman I am today. I’ve moved past it, but I’ll never forgive him.

“He started avoiding me after I lent him money” — Zay*, 29, M

My cousin borrowed money from me and started avoiding my calls when it was time to pay back. Meanwhile, he was posting outings on Snapchat.

When I finally ran into him, he said he aired me because I was putting him under pressure. I haven’t said a word to him since that day.

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