The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

How long have you been with your partner?

I met my wife, Sola, through a family friend in 2022, and we got married a year later. October 2026 will make it our third year of marriage.

Tell me more about how you met

I had been single for about three years and was ready to try another relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. But most of the ladies I met weren’t serious. Once I talked to them for a while and expressed interest, they would start asking me for money. I sell and repair ACs; I don’t have money like that.

I was tired of the constant billing, but I also wanted to find a good woman. So, I started to tell family and friends that I was looking for a wife. A close family friend connected me with Sola. At first, I didn’t consider her as an option, but she turned out to be an understanding and caring woman. 

Why didn’t you consider her?

She had a two-year-old daughter. It’s not that I didn’t like her because she was a single mother; I just thought her child was young. I was worried that she was still involved with her child’s father or had to talk to him. I didn’t want to be with someone who had another man in her life.

However, my family friend assured me that the child’s father had abandoned them in Nigeria and married someone else in another country. That meant they wouldn’t be seeing each other physically, and he wouldn’t be calling her every time either. 

I started getting to know Sola better. We connected, and I liked her character. She didn’t bill me like other women. In fact, she cooked and served me the first day I went to her house. We weren’t even dating then. It showed me that she was really mature and wouldn’t need a man to give her money before showing him respect and care.

Interesting. What was Sola’s financial situation like when you got together?

She taught at a school — she still does — and also had a hairdressing salon in front of her family’s house. I don’t really know how much she was making, but she lived alone and was comfortable. It was the first time I dated a financially independent woman. She even helped me with small business loans a few times. I always paid her back, sha. 

She had to let go of her salon when we got married in 2023. Her family’s house is quite far from where we live, so it doesn’t make sense to travel all that distance for a salon. We haven’t been able to raise money to get a better salon close to us, so she’s been running home services after school and on the weekends. 

Also, my wife’s child started living with us a year ago. It’s not easy to manage her work at the school and two children (we had a baby in 2024). Now imagine adding the stress of a salon and apprentices. It was easier when the eldest child was with Sola’s parents. 

Do you mean your stepdaughter didn’t always live with you both?

No, she didn’t. She lived with her grandparents. Even when Sola and I were dating, the child didn’t live with her. I honestly thought we’d continue with that arrangement after marriage.

However, Sola’s mum had a stroke last year and couldn’t take care of the child anymore. I suggested sending her to stay with Sola’s sister, but Sola refused. It almost caused a big fight, but I had to let the issue go to let peace reign.

Why were you against the idea?

We never discussed the child living with us. It was like being forced into a financial responsibility I hadn’t prepared for. Imagine starting a marriage with children almost immediately. My expenses have doubled. I can’t drop money for food and say it’s only for one child na, abi? 

The child also recently started school, and Sola begged me to contribute to the school fees. That was an extra ₦80k I hadn’t planned for. I can’t tell her to go and meet the child’s father because people will say, “Didn’t you know she was a single mother before you married her?” So, I have to accept that I’ll have to financially provide for the child one way or another, even if I don’t particularly like it. 

It’s what Yorubas call “Abẹ́lẹ́jayan án”— someone who engages in an unprofitable venture. No matter how much I spend on the child, she’ll still wake up one day and go look for her real father.

That’s an interesting way to look at it. Does your wife know about your concerns?

I believe she knows the child isn’t my primary responsibility, so she doesn’t always come to me with her needs. It’s just when she needs help that she outrightly asks. And of course, as a woman, she knows how to get money from me when she really needs it. For instance, I can’t just ignore her complaints about the child being sick. I’ll have to step in if I have money.

How do you both run your home’s finances?

We don’t really discuss it; we just know what the other has to do to contribute to the expenses. I pay ₦450k in rent for our mini flat, pay for electricity, and drop ₦10k every week for food. If the food money isn’t enough, she adds money. 

She also handles the children’s needs and small things around the house. Sometimes when I’m broke, Sola loans me money, and I pay her back when I make money. We know how to manage ourselves.

Do you have a budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

No. We don’t spend money on unnecessary things. If she sees something she likes and needs, she tells me, and if I have money, I’ll give it to her. If I don’t, we leave it. I’m not a birthday person like that, so I don’t need gifts. If she wants to make me happy, she knows she just needs to cook my favourite meal and let me rest. 

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I put ₦30k into a monthly ajo contribution, so I only need to add a little money to it and pay rent. Sola knows how to manage money, so whenever I have excess cash, I give it to her to keep for me. Most of the time, we still use whatever I keep with her to handle household needs or family emergencies. 

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

I hope to be a major electronics supplier in the future. At least, if I make enough money to do business, we’ll be able to live a better life and enjoy good things. Sola is also always talking about building her own school someday. So, that’ll be good too.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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