Part of having a healthy sexual life is getting to know and ultimately knowing your body. It’s also another way for women to close the orgasm gap. The experience helps you know whether or not engaging in sexual activity with a man or woman is worth the stress. At least that’s what these five women say learning their bodies did for them. 

1. “I Started Exploring my Body During My Early Teenage Years”- Oluchi*, 24

I started exploring my body during my early teenage years. I was reading an erotica, and I felt wet but didn’t know what to do about it or what was wrong. I was concerned. In the process of figuring out what was going on, I started touching myself, and it was a nice sensation. Did further research and I found a lot of answers on Healthline. I saw it was completely normal, and the rest is history. I always read erotica and then “explored myself”, but then on lazy days, I watched porn.

Beyond erotica, other things that have also helped me become more familiar with my body are things like phone sex, watching people explore themselves, voyeurism and still erotica. Honestly, I don’t think much has changed about how I view myself; what matters to me is that I am satisfied. Masturbating didn’t even help me view myself better. But I think that’s because I have always been self-aware and confident. I believe my sexual life is my sexual life. It doesn’t necessarily influence my social, work or any other part of my life. I really like to compartmentalise that way.

The only thing I’d say exploring pleasure and my body has really done for me is that I’m now a lot more accommodating. People like what they like, and I can’t judge them for it. Except if it’s vile.

2. “I’ve Been Watching Porn Since a Very Young Age”- Mariam*, 23

I’ve been watching porn since a very young age. Pretty early, haha, but that eventually led to some curiosity about my body and how to replicate the pleasure I saw the actors portray on screen. I’ve come a long way from my (personal) hairbrush and hands to a rose and a bullet. Other experiences that have helped me become more familiar with my body really just centre on sex and variations of it. I’d like to believe porn didn’t rot my brain. I also like to listen to what people have to say and hear about their experiences. Then I try them out on myself.

Masturbation hasn’t necessarily improved my image of myself, but honestly, it’s a double-edged sword. Because porn was my first introduction to sex, it shaped what I subconsciously associate with desire. As a woman, I ought to have a beautiful, curvy, or slender body devoid of any body hair, as the more popular actors sometimes do. Being my very first introduction to sex negatively affected my perception of how my body should look and how I want my partner to desire me. Because if I’m not curvy and hairless, does that not mean I’m not deserving of sex and its pleasures?

I would say things are much better now. Years and years of exploring my body has helped me understand what I enjoy in bed. I’d say it’s helped determine what I like and what I don’t like. I thought there was a “right” way to experience pleasure and that I just needed to replicate it. But I’ve come to learn that what works for others might not work for me. I’m different, so the way I experience and seek out pleasure will be different, too.

3. “Buy a Vibrator and Lube”- Abigail, 26

The first time I tried exploring my body, I tried with a vibrator, and I was 23. I followed some online advice and bought a vibrator and lube. Since then, I’ve really just had a lot of make-out sessions and engaged in foreplay. But even those ones have helped me see how sensitive my body is to touch.

I think generally, masturbating eased me into being sexually active. Because of how often I got into and how nice it felt, I no longer go scared or anxious about being sexually active. Also, it’s easy for me to give my partner directions and speak up on what makes me feel good or otherwise.

My advice to women is always to explore their bodies. Get to know yourself. A lot of times, we tell women to get to know themselves and limit it to the emotional, mental or spiritual. But there’s nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to getting to know our bodies. It’s a natural aspect of life. Also, buy a vibrator and lube.

4. “Toys are Great, But Nothing Really Gets Me Cracked Like My Fingers.”- Tosin*, 22

I take exploring my body very personally because the first time my body was explored, it wasn’t with my consent. Surprisingly and unfortunately, I was young, but it still felt good. Growing up, the memory stuck with me, and I think I tried to replace it by having as many experiences as possible. So, I started exploring my body at about 14, and then had sex at like 19.

Toys are great, but nothing really gets me cracked like my fingers. But honestly, to each their own. When I use my hands, I find that I’m able to really get in tune with myself, and that really helps with specificity when I’m telling people what I like. I guess in a way, getting into it with myself changed how I viewed and felt about my body. It gave me a sense of ownership in a way. Like, yes, this vessel actually belongs to me, and it is my responsibility to make her feel good. That sort of thing.

5. “I’m Open to all Human and Legal Genres of Pornography”- Stella*, 24

I’m currently 24, but I can’t remember when exactly it is I started exploring my body. But I know i started out humping pillows. It’s such an underrated experience. What I can also say is that I’ve had a good run and all my experiences have been great. Sometimes I do a bit too much with masturbation and sex, then I need to go on breaks because I realise it’s not hitting as well. But I think that’s something that happens to everyone.

Aside from self-pleasure, one thing that’s helped me is saying yes to everything but also knowing my limits. It might not be the most prudent advice, but if I have great chemistry with someone, I am 100% going to explore it. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens enough for my body count to have gotten past 10. For me, exploration is all you need to know what you like. Whether it’s with someone or it’s alone.

For people who are monogamous or in relationships, I’d advise planning things. A bit unethical, but adding to that, I’d also say read stuff and watch videos to see if you’re planning is something that genuinely turns you on. Honestly, even if it turns you on via video, it might not do the same thing in real life. I think that’s something I’ve started doing as well. I’m open to all human and legal genres of pornography, and I try to see if it’s something I’ll enjoy replicating. You find that it helps for great story times. 

Read Next: What She Said: Everyone My Parents Trusted Had Access to My Body

HERtitude 2026 is happening this April, and the theme is Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here: hertitude.zikoko.com.