Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

Hilda* (21) and Dee* (21) met at university. What started as a casual, easy friendship quickly became something Hilda treasured. But when Dee revealed her feelings for Hilda, things between them became complicated.

In this Sunken Ships, Hilda opens up about how they met and how a friendship she cherished unravelled after constant misunderstandings about where they both stood.

When did you realise your friendship with Dee was over?

I woke up one day and saw that she had blocked me on everything. That’s when I knew. It still stings even now.

How did you two meet?

We met in school in 2021. We weren’t close at first, but we had mutual friends and got closer over time.

What was your friendship like early on?

It was great. When we got closer, we started talking more and hanging out. We texted each other often and got food together. We ended up at the same hostel the next semester, which brought us even closer. Dee quickly became my closest friend.

When did things start to shift between you?

At some point that year, she told me she liked me and made sure I understood that she liked me more than just as a friend.

What did you say?

I told her I didn’t feel that way about her. For me, I liked her a lot, but we were just close friends. I think we both had different understandings of what was going on between us. She probably thought it was heading somewhere romantic. I just thought we were becoming really close.

How did she take your answer?

She said she needed to take a step back from the situation. But then, not long after, she came back and said she was okay with staying friends.

Did this affect your friendship with Dee negatively?

Not at all. We actually got closer after that. We were talking and texting even more than before. 

Did she ever talk about having feelings for you after that?

Yes, she made a move on me a few months later. I turned her down again and maintained my desire for a friendship, which she accepted. I thought we were past the whole situation.

So what went wrong?

A mutual friend came into the picture. They were friends with both of us, but closer to Dee than to me. Once, while we were talking, I mentioned in passing about the situation between Dee and me. I didn’t think much of it.  I assumed that they were close enough to Dee that she would have told them about what happened. I was wrong.

How did Dee react when she found out?

She was very angry. She felt like I was making her look stupid in front of someone she didn’t fully trust. And then it quickly turned into a bigger issue, and she accused me of lying to her, leading her on, and not being true to myself or to her.

Did you feel like you had led her on?

No. I genuinely feel like I was just going along with the friendship as it was. I wasn’t doing anything deliberately. But she saw it differently, and we just kept going back and forth on it. Neither of us was getting through to the other.

What happened after that?

She blocked me on everything. It hurt so much.

What did you do when you found out?

I looked her up on TikTok, and I reached out. I wasn’t trying to argue. I just wanted her to know that I was sorry she felt that way, and that it was never my intention to make her feel stupid or strung along.

Did she respond?

Yes. She unblocked me on WhatsApp, and we tried to have a conversation about what happened.

Did that go well?

No, the conversation kept going in circles. We couldn’t agree on a way forward, and then she blocked me again.

That must have hurt.

It did. I lost our friendship, and I also lost a chunk of our shared friend group. The friends who were closer to her stopped talking to me entirely. I had no real way to reach her through anyone else.

Did you try anyway?

I wanted to, but she had blocked me on everything, so I couldn’t reach her. So I just had to sit with it.

How did it feel to lose that friendship?

I felt very sad. We used to talk about everything, so it was really jarring to suddenly lose my closest confidant.

Did you ever resolve things with her?

After a few months, she reached out. She said she’d forgiven me and that we were cool. But she also made it clear we couldn’t go back to being the friends we used to be.

How did that make you feel?

I felt awful, but I understood where she was coming from. 

Is the friendship something you’d want to go back to, if she ever changed her mind?

For me, yes. I would. I miss her and the bond we shared. But I don’t think she would rekindle a friendship with me, and I’ve had to make peace with that.

*Names have been changed for anonymity.

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