As a teenager, Dasola* (27) imagined marriage as soft, romantic and full of grand gestures. But by the time she got married at 23, she understood that real life rarely follows a script. Three years in, she loves her husband deeply, yet she sometimes wrestles with questions about the life she stepped into early.

In this week’s Marriage Diaries, she talks about marrying young, feeling lonely in a new home, questioning herself before the wedding, and why she still believes love is enough.

This is a look into Dasola’s marriage diary.

Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.

I grew up believing in fairytale love

As a teenager, I genuinely thought marriage would look like the novels I read and the movies I watched. I imagined a perfect husband who treated me like the best thing in the world. I saw myself in this soft, glowing “happily ever after” reality.

But as I got older, my imagination matured. I started reading stories that weren’t so dreamy. I remember crying over a fictional character once because of how much she suffered in her relationship. Then I read The Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta, and it shifted something in me. It showed a harder side of marriage and womanhood. It made me realise that love stories don’t always have happy endings.

By the time I got married, my view had changed. I no longer thought a beautiful union was something that just happened to you by accident or sheer luck. I believed it was something you and your partner had the power to shape. I understood that, however our marriage turned out, it would largely depend on both of us.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have waited

One of the biggest surprises in marriage has been realising that even though I love my husband, there are moments I wish I had waited a little longer before getting married. There have even been days I’ve thought about walking away.

I don’t always understand why I feel that way. My husband is not perfect, but he tries. He’s kind, respectful, supportive of my dreams, and he’s a good father. He does what he can to make sure our home is happy. Yet sometimes I feel an overwhelming sense that I could have done more with my life before settling into being someone’s wife and someone’s mum.

I got married at 23, while I was still in 300 level. We had been dating for two years, and he was ready to commit. I wanted to wait until I finished university and NYSC, but somehow I agreed. He didn’t force me. I just found myself saying yes.

Sometimes, I think there’s a small voice in my head that wonders what I might have experienced if I had waited. Maybe more freedom or exploration. Maybe more time just being young without the weight of responsibility. But whenever those thoughts come, I remind myself that I chose a good man, and that counts for something.

The week before my wedding scared me

The week before my wedding was chaotic. Everything that could go wrong did. My tailors ruined my dresses. My mum got into a car accident; thankfully, it wasn’t serious. Both families were arguing over small decisions like who the anchor should be. It was overwhelming.

In the middle of all that stress, I kept snapping at my husband. He was also under pressure, but I didn’t care in those moments. I ignored his calls and was generally irritable.

A friend of mine who had gotten married earlier came to visit that week. She watched me ignore one of his calls and gave me a long pep talk about partnership and patience. I argued with her. I didn’t want to hear it. But later that night, when I was alone, I started crying.

I realised I had been unfair. I kept asking myself if I was really ready to be someone’s partner. If I could turn against him so easily during wedding stress, what would I do during real life troubles? That thought scared me. I sent him a long message apologising and telling him how much I appreciated him. That moment forced me to look inward.

Marriage can be lonely in ways no one talks about

No one warned me about the loneliness of marriage. After I got married, my parents and siblings visited often at first. Then gradually, the visits reduced. I stopped being involved in certain family plans. It wasn’t intentional or dramatic. It was subtle. Almost like everyone silently agreed that I now had my own family.

I wasn’t prepared for that shift.

It didn’t help that my husband travels frequently for work. Sometimes he’s gone for a week, and it’s just me and the maid in the house. At first, I would invite my mum over or find excuses to visit my siblings. But eventually, I had to sit still and accept that this was my home now.

And the loneliness isn’t always physical. There have been days when my husband is right beside me, yet I still feel disconnected from my old life, my friends, my family. It’s like standing in between two worlds.

But it has also gotten better. Especially after I had my child. There are moments when it’s just the three of us, and I feel this quiet satisfaction. In those moments, I see clearly that I’m building something of my own. My own small clan.

I’ve lost some freedom, but I’ve gained perspective

Marriage has changed how I see myself. I sometimes feel like I’ve lost the freedom to be carefree. Now, every decision affects someone else. I have a child to think about. I have a husband who deserves consideration.

It’s not even that I used to be wildly carefree before. It’s more the realisation that I may have lost the opportunity to ever be that person who just gets up and does things without thinking twice.

But it’s not all loss. Marriage has taught me patience. It has taught me contentment. It has taught me to focus on what I have rather than constantly wonder about what could have been. I’m not perfect at it yet, but I’m learning.

If I had to choose again, I might still choose him

If I could speak to my unmarried self, I would tell her to wait. To take her time. But I’m not sure I would tell her not to choose my husband.

I genuinely believe he is my soulmate. He gets all of me, both the perfect and imperfect parts, and he accepts them. He doesn’t cherry-pick the version of me he prefers.

If I hadn’t chosen him when I did, I don’t know what the alternative would have been. And that uncertainty makes it hard to regret my decision completely.

As for whether love is enough, I think it is. When you truly love someone, you’re willing to be patient. You’re willing to give second chances. You’re willing to overlook flaws and keep choosing them.

If love pushes you to keep choosing your partner over and over again, then I believe it’s enough to sustain a marriage.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.