Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

Jide* (30) and Sharon* (30) met in secondary school, became best friends, and eventually first loves who built a relationship rooted in faith.

In this Sunken Ships, Jide opens up about the mistake he made just one year into dating Sharon. One that cost him not only their relationship, but also their friendship.

When did you realise your friendship with Sharon was over?

I tried to reach out to her on her birthday, and I found she had blocked me everywhere. It hurt, but I deserved it.

Wow. Let’s start from the very beginning.

Sharon and I met as classmates in 2006. We weren’t particularly close at first, but that changed after a while.

Why did it change?

My family and I started attending a new church in 2009. Soon, I noticed that Sharon and her family also attended the church. Seeing her often, both at school and at church, deepened our friendship, and I began to think of her as my best friend.

What was your friendship with her like?

We were very close, and we talked about everything. Sharon took her faith seriously even as a young teen.  Her strong principles motivated me to strengthen my own faith. I looked up to her and went to her for advice when I had issues with my other friendships or schoolwork.

When did you realise you had feelings for her?

In 2011. We were in SS2 then, and I remember my heart racing whenever she walked into a room. 

Did you tell her about your feelings?

No, I kept them to myself. As I said, Sharon had strong principles, so I already knew her stance on dating in secondary school. She felt it was a waste of time, and I didn’t want to ruin my chances. 

Okay. What happened next?

We got into the same university in 2013, and that’s when I told her about my feelings and asked her to be my girlfriend. 

What did she say?

She turned me down. She said she wanted to focus on her studies.

How did you take her rejection?

I didn’t even flinch. I knew Sharon wasn’t the kind of babe I would win over easily, and I was determined to show her that I was the one for her, so I just kept asking her. 

When did she give you a chance?

She agreed to date me in our second year. I was walking her back to her hostel when she told me she’d been praying for months about us and was ready to explore a relationship with me. I was so happy that I think I floated back to my hostel that day.

That sounds so cute. What was your relationship like?

We became even closer. We’d pray together on the phone before we started our day, and we’d pray together again at night before we went to bed. I felt myself become a better christian and a better person during those early days. It was the best year of my life.

What changed?

I got distracted in my third year. In my second semester, I took a course from another department, and there I met Janet*. Her entry into my life complicated things very quickly.

What do you mean?

For context, Sharon and I had only ever had sex once. It was our first time. She felt so bad afterwards, like we had sinned against God, that she tried to break up with me. I managed to convince her to stay with me, and she agreed on the condition that we would remain celibate until we decided to get married. I agreed because I loved her and I wanted to keep her in my life.

So how does Janet fit into the picture?

As soon as Janet noticed me in our class, she started trying to flirt with me. She got my number off the course group chat and started texting me regularly. At first, it was harmless check-ins, but soon it escalated into exchanging sexy photos. I should have nipped it in the bud, but I foolishly enjoyed her attention.

Did she know you had a girlfriend?

Yes, but she didn’t seem to mind. One day, barely a month after we had started texting, she invited me over to ‘study’. Things got out of hand, and we ended up having sex. As I left her place, the guilt started eating me up inside.

Oh no. 

It was horrible. I avoided Sharon’s daily calls afterwards so she knew something was wrong. After two days of burying my head in the sand, Sharon came to my hostel to find me. 

What happened?

I couldn’t keep it from Sharon. I loved her too much. So I confessed to her what I’d done. I’ll never forget the pain, anger and disappointment I saw on her face when I did. She broke up with me that day, and my heart has been in pieces since.

Did you try to talk to her after that day?

Multiple times, and she ignored every attempt. Her birthday was a few weeks after our split. I tried to send her a birthday message, but I saw she had blocked me everywhere. It hurt so badly, but I deserved it. It’s been more than ten years since then, and I still miss us.

Did this experience affect your faith?

Yes, it did. For a time, I felt like God was using my heartbreak as punishment. But I realised after a while that I was just suffering the consequences of my actions.

What about Janet?

I ended things with her after a few weeks. She reminded me of why Sharon and I were no longer together, and I resented her for it.

Would you rekindle a friendship with Sharon if she ever forgave you?

Yes, I would. I genuinely regret ruining our relationship. I hoped I would at least get to hold on to our friendship, but I lost that too. I wish I could go back in time to stop myself.

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