Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.
Tooni* (31) and Ayomide* (30) have been best friends since their university days. However, Tooni’s refusal to attend Ayomide’s wedding because of her disdain for the groom has strained their bond.
When you’re done reading, you’ll get to decide: Did Tooni fuck up or not?
This is Tooni’s dilemma, as shared with Betty:
Ayomide and I met in the first week of 200L in 2015. We were both direct entry students, so our registration process was different from that of the other freshers. Somewhere between rubbing shoulders in long queues and waiting outside the same offices, Ayomide and I became friends. Our friendship soon blossomed into a sisterhood when we found ourselves sharing a hostel. Before long, everyone knew that wherever you found me, Ayomide wasn’t far behind and vice versa.
By 2021, we had graduated from university but remained close. That year, Ayomide told me about a guy from her church she had started seeing, James*. At first, I didn’t mind their relationship. I was even happy for my friend. But as time went on, I found myself liking James less and less.
He’s one of those guys who tries to control every aspect of their partner’s life. I found him overbearing and irritating. He constantly negged Ayomide and made her second-guess herself. She shared several incidents of James trying to force her to delete all her social media apps because he considered them “worldly’. I advised her to break up with him, but each time, they found a way to resolve their fights and stay together. I suspect it’s because Ayomide has always said she wanted to get married by the time she turned 30, but I still believed she could do much better than him.
In 2025, she came to me crying. Despite pressuring her to delete her social media profiles, James had been flirting and texting other women behind her back. She found out after going through his phone. He even had an active dating profile on some apps. When she confronted him, he flipped the situation, accused her of invading his privacy and demanded an apology. I was angry on my friend’s behalf and urged her to end the relationship. She swore she’d had enough and promised she would.
A few weeks after that incident, Ayomide sent me a photo on WhatsApp showing off a ring on her left hand. James had proposed, and she had said yes. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t pretend to be happy about her marrying someone I believed lacked character, so I called her to ask for the details. She told me James had apologised and proposed to show his commitment. She also said he planned to meet her parents. Then she asked me to be her chief bridesmaid, but I refused.
I told her I didn’t support her relationship with James. I made it clear that she would always have a friend and a safe space in me, but I wouldn’t attend the wedding. She didn’t take it well. She accused me of trying to emotionally blackmail her into doing what I wanted, but that wasn’t my intention. I’m afraid that if I attend and perform the bridemaid duties, she’ll interpret it as my support for her relationship with James. She has reported me to some of our mutual friends, and opinions have been divided ever since.
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Some think it’s not my place to support or oppose Ayomide’s relationship and that, as her friend, I should be there for her on her big day regardless. Others think I’m right and feel it’s valid that I don’t want to attend the wedding when I strongly dislike the groom. In all of this, my friendship with Ayomide has suffered the most. She has blocked me on WhatsApp, and I only hear about the wedding updates from our friends. I miss her, and I don’t want her to feel like I don’t have her back. Am I wrong for refusing to attend the wedding?
