Siblinghood is supposed to come with everlasting loyalty and lifelong bestie, but for many Nigerians, that promise never materialised. Instead, some grew up navigating constant competition fuelled by favouritism, control, and unresolved childhood wounds. 

In this story, five Nigerians take painful trips down memory lane and share moments when they realised their siblings weren’t on their side, how parental dynamics deepened the rifts, and why some of them have chosen distance over trying to mend fences.

“My parents’ desire for control has pitted us against each other” — Eric*, 26, M

Eric longs for a close relationship with his siblings, but his parents’ favouritism and control created a chasm that keeps widening. 

“My siblings are 21 and 24, and it pains me to admit that we aren’t a team. It has always felt like we stand on opposing sides of every issue. We don’t compete with each other so much as our parents pit us against one another to manage limited resources. 

Once, I moved back home briefly to recover from an illness, and their attitude towards helping me during that vulnerable state broke my heart. At one point, they made me feel like the pain I experienced was my fault, as if I had chosen to be sick. 

I tried to make peace with my younger brother during that period, but even when I tried to have a conversation about how I felt and the state of our relationship, he couldn’t hide the disrespect or condescension in his tone. As usual, the conversation ended with us screaming obscenities at each other.

My parents actively encourage the divide between us, and there have been many moments this has played out. I remember wearing my dad’s slippers once, and he got into a fit of rage. He said I disrespected him and couldn’t understand how my actions could be interpreted that way. That evening, my sister did the exact same thing, and his reaction couldn’t have been more different. They laughed and joked about the difference in the size of their feet while I stood outside, watching. That was when I realised I might never do enough to deserve that kind of warmth from them. I haven’t completely given up on having a close relationship with my siblings, but I believe we need some time apart to heal. My parents are conservative, while I’m an extroverted creative. To maintain their control over their younger children, they’ve painted me as a scapegoat for their anger. They use me as an example of what happens if they ever decide to tow their own path. Each time I see my siblings, I realise we have less in common, and that realisation weighs heavily on my heart. I love them, but I can’t stand them.”

“I’m choosing my peace of mind” — Sandra*, 24, F

Sandra accepted early on that she and her younger sister would never stand on the same side.

“When I was 13 and she was 10, we had a big fallout. I can’t even remember what caused it, but I left that argument knowing we weren’t teammates. We were rivals.

Last year, I needed money to pay for a tech scholarship registration fee. My sister had previously agreed to buy a crochet piece from me, and I planned to use the money for the registration. When it was time to pay, she ignored my calls and messages until the deadline passed. When I confronted her, she said she used the money to buy weight-gain gummies. She knew how important that opportunity was to me, yet she intentionally sabotaged me. I blocked her for months after that.

My parents don’t make things any better. They always take her side because she’s younger. Throughout my childhood, I got beaten up on many occasions simply for reacting to her bad behaviour. I’ve forgiven her for everything, but I’ve accepted that we’ll never see eye to eye. I now protect my peace of mind by staying away from her entirely.”

“I think my older sister hates me” — Ifeanyi*, 31, M

While the rest of his family dotes on him, Ifeanyi has dealt with hostility from his elder sister for as long as he can remember.

“I’m the fifth of six children and the only boy in my family. I think my eldest sister hates me for it. Even as kids, she couldn’t stand seeing me happy.

I won’t lie, I’m my mum’s favourite, but I’ve never used that privilege to hurt my sisters. If my mum gives me extra meat, I want my siblings to get the same treat. My other sisters dote on me, and we are very close, but my eldest sister has always treated me differently.

I remember years ago when my dad bought me a bike after I passed my common entrance exam, and I shared it with my sisters. We took turns riding it around our compound. My eldest sister didn’t participate; she said she was too old to play with bikes and stayed indoors. The next morning, I found the tyres slashed. We all knew she did it, and my parents punished her.

Another time, my parents bought me the latest iPhone after I graduated with a first class. My eldest sister begged to borrow it for a wedding, and I agreed. She returned home later and casually said she forgot the phone in the danfo. She got punished for that as well.

She still does things to hurt me, even now. She treats my other sisters with kindness, but with me, it’s always different. I don’t know if something happened when we were younger, but I know we’ll never align. 

If she’s ever willing to have a good relationship with me, I’m open to it. But I doubt she’ll ever consider it.”

“In my parents’ eyes, my brother can do no wrong” — Adeola*, 30, F

Adeola shares how years of favouritism ruined any chance of closeness between her and her eldest brother.

“To my parents, my older brother painted the sky blue and hung the sun. There’s nothing that man will do that won’t get their support, no matter how foolish it is. If I try to oppose him, he sees it as a personal attack.  

I live in the UK now and send money home to support my parents. In late 2025, my parents called me in the middle of the month asking for some money. When I asked what happened to the money I sent them the previous month, they said my older brother had asked them to invest in a multi-level marketing scheme he had joined, but it had fallen apart. When I tried to tell them not to trust him with money, they said it was wrong for me to speak ill of their ‘first fruit’ and hung up.

That is only one of the countless times that my parents have borne the brunt of my brother’s foolish actions. Since we were young, they have extended a level of grace and pampering that neither my other brother nor I had ever seen from them. For instance, my older brother got a Mr Biggs takeaway once a week because he was ‘the firstborn and got the lion’s share”, according to my mum. My brother and I were lucky if we got a takeaway when it wasn’t a special occasion. We only got them if we were on holiday or if we performed really well on exams.

Their obvious favouritism made me develop a deep resentment for my older brother, who has grown into a deeply entitled and disrespectful man. When I was young, I used to try to compete for my parents’ love, hoping they’d see my good behaviour even once and take my side, but it became clear to me that it would never happen. As soon as I started making a little money, I saved up and relocated to the UK to be as far away from his rubbish as possible.

I don’t think we can ever see eye to eye. There is so much resentment and bad blood between us, it’s best we continue to live separate lives.”

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“My brother blames me for his lack of success” — Gabriel*, 46, M

Gabriel thought a close relationship with his brother was a given since they grew up together in a polygamous home, but due to unresolved jealousy, this has not been the case.

“It shocks me the most that I’m closer to my half-siblings than to my only full blooded brother. Growing up in a polygamous home, I thought it was going to be both of us against the other children, but instead, my younger brother harboured a deep jealousy and resentment against me. I think the rift between us grew partly because I’m the older son and have always been the best academic performer. I thought this envy would at least motivate him to do something with his life, but it hasn’t, and it’s frustrating. He was unserious with his studies and enjoyed irresponsible drinking.

In 2012, our relationship took a turn for the worse. I had just gotten a new job that had almost tripled my income, so I was able to send more money back to our parents. My brother felt slighted by this and picked a fight with me, accusing me of using his ‘glory’ to do money rituals, which was why he wasn’t as successful as I was. I was upset and offended at his accusation. What made it worse was that my mum took his side and begged me to ‘release’ him. It was infuriating. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, and we haven’t been on good terms since. Regardless of our sour relationship, I miss him a lot. When I’m with my half-siblings and having a good time, it aches that I can’t have something similar with my brother because of his resentment towards me. I want to fix our relationship, but I’m afraid that too much time has passed, and there’s too much bad blood between us. I’m afraid of what he could do if I let my guard down around him. It doesn’t stop me from yearning for a relationship with him, I just wish things had turned out differently.”

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