The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

How long have you been with your partner?

My wife, Tolani, and I got married in March 2024. We’d dated for a year prior to that. So we’ve been together for almost three years.

How did you meet your wife?

I knew her from a distance for about five years before we started dating. We attended different branches of the same church and saw each other once or twice a year during joint programs or workers’ meetings. I didn’t know much about her. She was just one of the sisters in church.

In 2022, I was transferred to work at another church branch that had been newly formed. To grow the branch, the church leaders sent workers from a few existing branches to help there. Tolani and I were part of the transferred workers. 

Working closely with Tolani, I learned more about her, and I liked what I saw. She ticked all my boxes, so I prayed about it and asked her out. She also prayed and said “yes” after five months. 

Five months?

She kept me waiting for a long time, haha. She’d just come out of a long-term toxic relationship, needed time to heal and be sure of what God was saying about another relationship. She told me this and even said I was free to let her go if I needed an answer immediately — she didn’t want to delay me. 

But I was fine waiting. I believed she was the one, and if she needed time to become the best version of herself before we got together, then it was in my best interest to give her time. I also wasn’t in a particular hurry to get married. For one, my income wasn’t stable.

Why was that?

I was working as an assistant to a solar technician, learning to install solar panels and CCTV systems. I didn’t have a salary. My boss usually gave me a ₦5k or ₦10k stipend whenever we went for installations. If I did the installations myself, I could make around ₦20k or ₦30k. 

I also made a little money from occasionally helping people buy inverters and solar panels. Since I didn’t have a specific monthly income, it was tough to plan my finances. I just told myself I couldn’t get married until I finished learning and became my own boss.

Thankfully, the week Tolani agreed to enter a relationship with me, I got a job with an energy company to work as a solar technician. I still work there today, and they pay me ₦100k/month. A year later — just around the time we got married — I began taking on personal installation gigs on the side, which sometimes pushes up my monthly income to ₦200k or more. 

Now that I think about it, my finances started to get better when Tolani came into my life.

That’s cute. How does your wife earn an income?

My wife does a little of everything. Her main hustle is baking. She bakes cakes and snacks, and sometimes cooks for people. She also knows how to braid hair, sew dresses and do makeup. She often says, “Just tell me whatever service you need, and I’ll tell you whether I can do it.” 

An enterprising queen

Oh, she is. Since she does a lot of things, it’s tough to predict exactly how much she’ll earn a month. Also, she doesn’t have a shop, so she does most of her work from home. The lack of a shop limits her ability to advertise, so most of her clients come through referrals. It also means her income isn’t very stable.

How do you both run your home’s expenses?

We’re very transparent with our earnings and work with what we have. For instance, we use whatever Tolani earns each week to cover small household needs like fuel, gas, and electricity bills, while I handle other expenses such as food and rent. 

Tolani is our home’s accountant. Whenever I get installation side gigs, I send the money to Tolani to hold for me while we decide what to spend it on. I’m not good with tracking money or spending wisely, so it’s better to let my wife do it. 

When I get broke before salary enters, I ask her if there’s any money left in the “account” — that is, the money I kept with her — and if there is, she gives me. 

Also, I get her permission before buying anything. I don’t always make the best financial decisions, so it’s better to get a second opinion before spending money.

Sounds like you’ve both settled on a working strategy. Do you ever disagree about money, though?

Most of our money issues happen whenever I spend unnecessarily. She complains, I try to defend myself, and it often leads to quarrels. That’s why I even adopted the habit of telling her before making any money decision, just so we can have peace at home. 

Another somewhat money-related issue is my decision to delay having kids until our financial situation becomes better. 

Isn’t your wife on board with that?

She isn’t. Left to her, she wanted to get pregnant the month we got married. She believes we’ll surely find a way to provide for our child as long as we keep pooling our resources together. However, I don’t think we’re ready.

My income is the only stable one; we have zero savings, and we only earn enough to comfortably pay rent. I know we can afford the basic necessities and a little comfort, but I’m not financially ready for a baby.

Our church and family members are already asking why we aren’t pregnant yet and sending us prayers for “fruit of the womb,” but I’d rather they pray for us to make money instead. If I start earning ₦500k today, I’ll think about trying for a baby.

Tolani isn’t happy with my decision and often complains about it. The arguments have become more frequent as we approach our second year of marriage, but I think my decision is in our best interest. I’d understand if we mistakenly got pregnant. But to deliberately get pregnant in this situation? It’d be too bad.

That’s fair, I guess. Have you considered what you’d do if your income doesn’t improve in the near future?

Hmm. I really hope things change soon. But if it doesn’t in the next two or three years, I might have to cave in and let us have a baby. I won’t be happy about it, but I doubt Tolani will wait for much longer than that.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

A future outside Nigeria. I’m constantly researching different relocation options; it’s just money that’s still keeping us in this country.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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