Bridesmaids are usually regarded as one of the central pillars of the bride’s support system. They’re selected with the expectation that they will show up when they’re needed and support the bride when wedding preparations become overwhelming. Weddings have never been easy affairs, and the bride must receive all the support she can from her bridesmaids.

For many brides, that expectation doesn’t necessarily always translate into reality. While some women found their bridesmaids showing up in ways they never expected, others were left dealing with unmet expectations and difficult realisations. 

In this article, five Nigerian women share their experiences of what they expected from their bridesmaids and what they actually got when it mattered most. 

1. “They Acted like I Made them my Bridesmaids Against their Will” — Yagazie*, 29

My wedding happened in May 2025, and from September 2024, I started asking my girlfriends if they would be interested in being my bridesmaids and aso-ebi girls. I did that because I didn’t want to start hearing stories that touch the heart a month before my wedding. I wanted everyone to be on board as early as possible. When they all expressed their interest, I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about complications with bridesmaids, but I was so wrong. 

2025 came, and I started getting wary of reading the texts from the group chat with my bridesmaids. The excited responses they’d given me in September were so different from the vibe they gave off in January. While some were still very excited about the wedding preparations, others began to exhibit a nonchalant attitude towards everything. Their lacklustre responses to my messages about wedding planning didn’t only hurt but also weirded me out. They acted like I made them my bridesmaids against their will. 

At first, I thought I was overthinking the weird energy they were giving off. These are the friends that we have always looked forward to each other’s big day. Surely, I believed, they wouldn’t be lackadaisical about my wedding. For a while, I tried to convince myself that everyone was still settling into the new year, but then February came, and some of them started backing out of being my bridesmaids. 

Annoyed, I deleted the original bridesmaids’ group chat and created a new one with the girlfriends, whose excitement never wavered. That was the best thing I did for myself. Yes, there was still chaos here and there, but when it was time for everyone to show up, they did without grumbling. The girls kept to the schedule we’d all sat down to plan. Even with the slight complications we faced during wedding planning, they completely outdid themselves for my white and traditional wedding. Every day, I am glad I changed the group chat, or else I might have had some bad memories attached to my wedding. 

2. “I Never Felt Unsupported by Them” — Yemi*, 34

All I wanted from my bridesmaids was for them to be fully involved in my wedding from start to finish. They are my friends, and I don’t necessarily think that’s a big ask, because they know I would do the same for them when they also want to get married. They understood this, and right from the moment my boyfriend, now my husband, proposed, every one of them got to work. 

My bridesmaids were absolute angels. They put in the effort when it was required of them because they know how much I stress over the littlest things other people usually ignore. Even when I was turning into the kind of bridezilla that everyone usually runs away from, I had them by my side, assuring me that nothing would go wrong. 

I never, for once, felt unsupported by them because they were there every step of the way. When I had panic attacks every time someone reminded me that I was getting married, they were there; when I was worried that my identity might be erased because of my marriage, they reminded me that I didn’t have to change my surname, and when I joked about running away before the wedding, they told me they would help me settle in a new country. They listened to me rant about my dream bridal shower for hours and planned it for me. On my wedding day, they never left my side, and I was so grateful. Even now, I am still very thankful because my wedding’s success is mainly due to them. 

3. “Physically and Emotionally, They Were Barely There” — Sade*, 35

I expected one thing and one thing only from my bridesmaids. Dedication. I needed them to understand what being a bridesmaid usually entails and to act accordingly. On a typical day, I am already insufferable when planning hangouts, so obviously, it made sense that I would get worse when it came to my wedding. I knew that I would need my bridesmaids to let me know when I’m doing too much. I just needed them to be available, but unfortunately, nothing went my way. 

Being the only one in the friend group getting married at the time caused a lot of tension, and I tried my best to be oblivious to it, but that was a mistake. They were my closest friends, so I didn’t hesitate to ask them to be my bridesmaids, and when they agreed, I thought the tension would eventually dissipate as we planned the wedding. I was wrong. 

Physically and emotionally, they were barely there for me. I could message them to ask for their thoughts on something my wedding planner shared with me, but I would get scattered responses that wouldn’t help me at all. When my younger sister, the chief bridesmaid, contacted them to let them know she needed help planning my bridal shower, they kept giving excuses about being busy with work, even though I knew they could easily take a day off from their laptop screens, and no one at their places of work would complain. 

Even on the evening of my shower, they arrived late and barely participated in the activities my sister had come up with all on her own. I would never forget the amount of raised eyebrows I got from my cousins and acquaintances when they saw the way the women I’d introduced as my bridesmaids were acting. I tried my best to initiate a conversation so I could understand why they were acting all indifferent, but they told me it was all in my head. I knew that was not the truth, but I didn’t want to push too much before they decided that they didn’t want to be my bridesmaids anymore. 

On my wedding day, I didn’t set eyes on them until it was time to enter the venue, even though I needed them that morning. While my younger sister managed to hold the fort pretty well on her own, I still felt sad because I thought my friends would also be in my hotel room to at least cheer me on. I even had plans of making wedding transition clips with them, but they didn’t show up. It was a very heavy morning. 

While dancing into the hall, I knew that it would be stupid of me to keep them as friends because there was absolutely no reason why they did what they did. They are no longer my friends, and I am happy for that. 

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4. “There was Absolutely No Coordination Among Them” — Abiola*, 26 

What I expected from my bridesmaids was simple. I wanted them to be coordinated, cooperative, and be early for every activity. It was my wedding, and I needed everyone to follow every plan outlined, but in the midst of the wedding frenzy, I forgot one thing. My bridesmaids were a mix of two different friend groups. One half was made up of my friends from university, and the other half included women who have been with me at every phase of my life. 

These women met only a day before the wedding. They didn’t even know each other’s names, and they weren’t sure how to act around one another, so it made sense that there was absolutely no coordination among them. It was very awkward for all of us. 

Another expectation that was not met was that absolutely no one kept to time. I was already overstimulated on the morning of my wedding. My sister, the chief bridesmaid, had an emergency wardrobe issue, and the rest of my bridesmaids were nowhere to be found. I was really close to taking off my wedding outfit because of how stressed I was about it, but fortunately for everyone involved, one of my bridesmaids stuck to the schedule. 

Even though my impromptu bridal shower ran into the early hours of the morning, she made sure she was up early so she could stay by my side while my sister fixed her wardrobe problem. Having her by my side while I was dealing with a colossal hangover and worried about things like my makeup and the morning photo session made me feel so much at ease, and she showed me why it’s so important to have a great support system on your wedding day. 

5. “In My Next Life, I Hope They’re My Bridesmaids”— Christina*, 30 

I didn’t exactly have high expectations for my bridesmaids. I just wanted them to be supportive to the best of their abilities. I knew how occupied they can be with their jobs, so I thought it would be insensitive of me to ask them to dedicate their time to a wedding that would come and go. However, when it came to celebrating each other, I somehow underestimated how dedicated my friends can be. They believed that asking them just to be supportive was the bare minimum. 

My bridesmaids didn’t take my wedding lightly. They were even more excited about it than I was. Whenever I went to them for advice on wedding preparations, they would patiently listen and offer their opinions without being condescending. They were never late for any pre-wedding activity I required them to be at. They had copies of my wedding checklist so they could all be sure that everything was going according to schedule, and two days before my wedding, when I asked them to add my husband’s sister to the bridal party, they accepted her as if she were someone they’d known for a very long time.

Before I even got proposed to, I’d read so many horror stories about bridesmaids on the forums and WhatsApp groups, and I’d been so scared that I might somehow experience those kinds of bridesmaids. Still, I think I really had low expectations of my bridesmaids because they were absolute perfection. If I ever plan on getting married in my next life, I hope they’re also my bridesmaids in that life, too. 

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