The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
My wife, Rhoda, and I have been together for six years and married for four.
How did you meet?
Through a mutual friend. I needed a tailor to sew some outfits for a family event, and I remembered my friend who always looked sharp in native attire. So, I asked for his tailor’s details, and it turned out to be Rhoda.
The first thing I noticed was how pretty she was. Also, she seemed really hardworking. I went to her studio to give her the materials, and the place was filled with apprentices, with customers dropping in at intervals. I love seeing young people do really good work, and besides her beauty, that was another thing I admired about Rhoda.
I didn’t fall in love on the spot, but there was definitely fascination at first sight. Even when she delayed my outfits and gave multiple excuses like Nigerian tailors usually do, I didn’t get angry (laughs).
So, how did you move from a working relationship to a romantic one?
After I got my outfits, I kept chatting her up at intervals. At first, she wasn’t the most responsive. But she must’ve noticed I was trying to get close because she eventually started responding regularly.
We talked for almost a month before we went on our first date at a restaurant I’d been meaning to check out. I spent about ₦35k on food and transportation for that date. That’s where I popped the question: Will you be my girlfriend? She said yes.
That’s sweet. What were your finances like at the time?
I’d just gotten my first official job, earning ₦100k/month and squatting with my brother to save on rent expenses.
Rhoda and I didn’t really talk about each other’s finances while we were dating, but I’m sure she made more money than I did. Her business was quite successful, and she even bailed me out with the odd ₦10k once in a while when I went broke before salary day.
Also, after we got engaged, she often visited me at my brother’s house to cook for me out of her own pocket. So, while we didn’t actually sit down to track how much either of us was making, we had this unspoken agreement that we’d do nice things for each other whenever we had money. For instance, Rhoda hasn’t paid for internet ever since we got together, because I always buy her data. She also buys me stuff, so it’s vice versa.
The first time we made a specific effort to discuss our expenses was during our 2021 wedding planning.
What did you both agree on?
We agreed that it wasn’t realistic for me to handle all the expenses. I think my salary at the time was just under ₦200k/month, with a few side hustles bringing in extra money here and there.
So, we agreed that I’d handle bills like the hall and photography, while Rhoda would handle the outfits and her makeup. Our parents chipped in to help with food, hall decoration and other small expenses. It wasn’t a big over-the-top wedding. We just did what we could afford. I’m not sure our total expenses reached ₦2m.
What’s the financial dynamic like now that you’re married? Do you still split bills?
Yes, we split bills. However, I can’t say we’ve settled on an approach that works for us. I think this is because we didn’t clearly share our financial expectations with each other before marriage.
I believe that my money is our money, and my wife’s money should be ours too. When one person brings out money to pay house rent or buy food, it’s not a case of “I paid the rent,” it’s all our money. So whether it comes from my wife or me, we should use it together for the good of our home.
However, Rhoda can be particular about her money. She believes I should take on the bulk of the expenses, so whenever she has to pay for something, she complains or acts like she’s shouldering my responsibility.
It’s strange because she didn’t give me this impression of her when we were dating. Or maybe I didn’t notice because we didn’t have shared expenses.
Hmm. Does this cause friction between the two of you?
At first, we fought a lot about it. I’m a salary earner, so it’s inevitable that I’ll be broke before salary day.
So, what usually happened was that I’d spend all my money on transportation and household expenses. When it finished, I’d ask her to support my transportation and pick up the rest of the bills.
I didn’t know she found that uncomfortable. To her, it was as if I was forcing her into a breadwinner role and collecting her money. So, she’d complain about it, and that didn’t go down well with me. It felt like she was saying she didn’t want to contribute at all. As a result, we fought a lot about money in the first two to three years of our marriage. We even saw counsellors in church.
We’re better now, but it’s not necessarily because Rhoda has changed; I’m just learning to live with it. She now covers most of the food expenses, while I handle the rest. Despite that, she often complains about how expensive things have become, but I just try to ignore her. Sometimes, I support the food expenses. Other times, I simply tell her to manage what we have. If there’s no money, we can drink garri.
Do you both know what the other earns now?
My wife knows how much I earn. She also knows that I regularly take on side hustles to cover expenses, but we don’t really discuss how much I earn from side gigs because the amount is not a constant figure.
My wife doesn’t work a salaried job, and I don’t track everything that enters her account, so I can’t say this exact figure is her monthly income. However, since we’ve been taking our money issues to counsellors, she’s been trying to be open about her income. She can just say, “A client paid me ₦50k today, so I used it to buy chicken” or something like that.
I still think she isn’t pulling her weight, though. I mean, she helps, but I don’t think she’s contributing fairly. I work multiple jobs to earn around ₦600k monthly, but we’re not living a good life. It’s even more difficult because we have a child. I believe we’d be more comfortable if my wife were more open to pooling resources, but raising matters like this often leads to long talk, so I just let it be.
Interesting. Do you both have safety nets?
It’s mostly for rent. Our rent costs ₦800k/year, and I save ₦50k monthly, while Rhoda pitches in whenever she has extra money to make up the full amount. I also have a different ₦50k/month savings for emergencies. I have a little under ₦800k in the emergency fund.
Over the years, we’ve had to take loans for major projects. For instance, in 2022, we took a ₦1m loan to set up our solar electricity system and inverter. I don’t think I’ll do that again anytime soon. Since I couldn’t manage to save and repay the loan at the same time, I asked Rhoda to fund part of the monthly repayment — we were paying around ₦100k/month, so she was bringing ₦65k. I know the complaints I got from her during that period. It’s like, you’re also enjoying this thing, but you want me to carry all or most of the financial burden because I’m the man. That’s not realistic.
I just hope things will continue to improve and we’ll understand each other better as we spend more time together.
How do dates and gifts work in your relationship?
Dates are usually limited to birthdays and anniversaries. If it’s my birthday, my wife takes me out and handles the bills and vice versa. I usually handle the bills for anniversary dates, but we buy each other gifts. For our last anniversary, Rhoda bought me a pair of shoes, and I bought her a jewellery set for ₦20k.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I’d just like us to be a true unit when it comes to finances one day. I think it’s only then that we can have big dreams, such as owning our own house or relocating in the future.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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