For Adeola*, 30, marriage has always been something to look forward to. She grew up watching her mum work as an alaga ijoko and alaga iduro, anchoring Yoruba weddings filled with music, laughter, and beaming couples. So even before she understood what love meant, she’d already decided that marriage was beautiful.
On this week’s Marriage Diaries, Adeola shares how her journey has been a lesson in love, patience, and what it means to grow with a partner.
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I’ve always looked forward to marriage
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t look forward to getting married.
Growing up, my mum was an alaga, and that meant weekends were for weddings. We attended so many ceremonies — vibrant, colourful, full of laughter and love. I’d watch brides walk in smiling, their joy so contagious it felt like magic. Seeing how happy everyone was made me fall in love with the idea of marriage before I even understood what it entailed.
As I grew older and started dating in university, I began to understand that weddings and marriages were distinct entities. The party ends, the guests leave, and what’s left is just you and your partner. Still, that didn’t stop me from believing in the beauty of marriage.
Even when I had terrible relationships, I didn’t lose hope. Up until my mum passed two years ago, I still followed her to weddings, still said a silent prayer at every ceremony that my own marriage would be just as joyful as those she anchored.
I can say for sure that my mum’s job made me believe marriage could truly be beautiful.
I didn’t know you could fall in love again after marriage
I met my husband in my final year at university, and I just knew he was the one. We connected so effortlessly that I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Before marriage, I already loved him deeply, and I didn’t think it was possible to love him any more than I already did.
Then childbirth happened.
My pregnancy was tough. I was in and out of the hospital for months, constantly exhausted and emotionally drained. And as if that wasn’t enough, my delivery was complicated; I was hospitalised for almost four months afterwards.
Those months showed me a side of my husband I didn’t know existed. He was there through it all, cleaning me up, changing my adult diapers, bathing me, feeding me, caring for our baby. He didn’t flinch or complain once.
I remember thinking, this man really meant every word of “in sickness and in health.” Watching him care for me like that made me fall in love all over again. It’s one thing to marry a loving partner, but it’s another thing entirely to see that love show up in your weakest moments.
I didn’t think my heart had space to love him more, but that experience showed me that love can grow deeper, even after marriage.
I always felt prepared for marriage
I don’t think I’ve ever had that moment of doubt, that “what have I gotten myself into?” feeling people talk about.
I’ve been preparing for marriage my whole life without even realising it. All those weddings I attended with my mum came with free life lessons. I’d hear her advise couples all the time: “Be patient,” “Respect each other,” “Don’t deprive your husband,” “Always support one another.”
So when it was finally my turn, I didn’t feel lost. I already had a sense of what to expect.
Of course, I didn’t agree with everything. For instance, I always found it problematic how sex was talked about like something a wife “gives” her husband. But having that background knowledge still helped me understand that marriage comes with sacrifices and patience.
So when I finally got married, nothing caught me off guard. I had already built a mental framework of what to expect. Maybe that’s why I adjusted quickly. I didn’t walk in blind.
Nobody warned me about how much I’d have to embrace my in-laws
If there’s one thing I didn’t see coming, it’s how present my husband’s family would be in our lives. Not in a bad way, but in an everywhere, every time kind of way.
They welcomed me so warmly that I felt pressured to always reciprocate the energy. Suddenly, there was always a family function to attend: a cousin’s wedding, an uncle’s burial, a niece’s birthday. They genuinely wanted me to be part of the family, but it was overwhelming at first.
I’m not naturally outgoing, and I like my space. So, when I tried to skip a few events, my husband got upset. He thought I was being distant or rejecting his family’s efforts to make me feel at home. But in truth, I just needed time to adjust. I barely knew half the people they were inviting me to celebrate with.
Over time, I realised their invitations weren’t about pressuring me. It was their way of making me part of the family. It took me a while to find balance, but I’ve learnt to compromise by showing up when I can, contributing money for aso ebi even if I can’t attend, and calling to check in occasionally. I still get tired sometimes, but I’ve realised that family — both nuclear and extended — is a big part of marriage in our culture.
Marriage has made me calmer and more positive
Before I got married, I used to overthink everything. I’d replay conversations in my head, stress about things I couldn’t control, and get anxious about the future.
My husband is the total opposite. He’s calm, optimistic, and somehow always believes everything will work out. That’s something I’ve learnt from him — not everything needs a reaction.
Some days, I wake up grateful for how much peace I’ve gained since being with him. Even when I’m frustrated or emotionally tired, I’ve learnt not to dwell on it too long. Life will always have moments of stress and confusion, but I try not to let them consume me anymore.
I’ve grown emotionally and mentally since marriage. The woman I was before couldn’t handle things as gracefully as I do now. And that’s all thanks to the stability my husband brings into my life.
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I’ll always be proud that I followed my heart
If I could go back in time, I’d tell my younger self to still follow her instincts.
When I met my husband, there were many reasons I could have hesitated. But something in me just knew he was the one. Every day since, I’ve been grateful for listening to that voice.
Love isn’t everything, but it’s the foundation that makes patience, forgiveness, and the will to stay kind even when you’re upset possible. Without love, it’s easy to start counting flaws and keeping score. With love, you remember why you chose the person in the first place.
Marriage has its hard days, no doubt. But even in those moments, I find comfort knowing I’m walking through life with someone who sees me, understands me, and reminds me to stay soft.
I used to think the wedding day was the most beautiful part of marriage, but now I know it’s the small, everyday acts of love that truly make it beautiful.
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