There’s no feeling quite like catching the ick — that sudden, stomach-turning moment when someone you once liked instantly becomes unattractive. In this article, we spoke to six Nigerian women who shared the cringeworthy moments that irritated them about their partners and how much it affected their relationships.
“He made strange tweets” — Hannatu*, 30
Hannatu thought she knew her fiancé inside out, until his burner account proved her wrong.
“Earlier this year, my fiancé gave me his phone to show me a tweet. That’s when I noticed it was logged into a different account. When I pointed it out, he snatched it back and quickly switched accounts. His reaction immediately felt suspicious, especially since we’d always been open with each other.
Later, curiosity got the best of me. I already knew his password, so I checked and found out it was a burner account. I thought the worst thing he’d do on there was cheat, but what I found was worse. He had bookmarks of women with big bums. He’d also left comments under women’s posts begging to sleep with them, and other users had replied, insulting him. The desperation and filthiness shocked me.
His tweets were all about being horny like some wild animal, and I couldn’t believe this was the same man I planned to marry. When I confronted him, he got defensive, and that was it for me. Since then, I’ve slowly checked out of the relationship.”
“He acted hyper masculine” — Esther*, 25
Esther’s boyfriend tried too hard to prove he was “the man,” but that obsession quickly became the very thing that ended them.
“I noticed early on that my boyfriend always tried to act hyper-masculine. He’d say things like, ‘Any man who wears pink is gay,’ or call people gay for the smallest reasons. It irritated me so much. I’d tell him to stop making people uncomfortable, but he never listened. He’d even said these things in public, and I’d just sit there, embarrassed.
After a while, I realised he also deepened his voice whenever he spoke to people. His natural voice wasn’t that deep, but he’d force it in an exaggerated way. It was weird, but I ignored it.
The final straw came when an acquaintance mentioned that he’d once tried to date her. She said she found some of his behaviour strange and played me voice notes he’d sent to her. Hearing him force that deep voice in early morning recordings made my skin crawl. I could tell she’d been put off, too, even though she was polite about it. Seeing him through someone else’s lens just flipped a switch for me. I couldn’t unsee how performative he was. That was the moment I checked out completely.”
“He took my leftovers after a date” — Chidimma*, 28
Chidimma* was ready to overlook a few rough edges, till one dinner date left her with enough embarrassment to cancel any chance of a second.
“We’d been talking for a while before deciding to meet in person. I already knew he wasn’t from a wealthy background. It showed in his accent and the way he dressed, but I didn’t think it mattered.
We went to a fancy restaurant, and everything seemed fine until our food came. His table manners threw me off. He held his spoon awkwardly, chewed loudly, talked with food in his mouth, and ate so fast he almost choked. At one point, grains of rice stuck around his lips, and I just sat there, unsure what to say. It was embarrassing to watch.
But the real shock came after. I couldn’t finish my food because I was so uncomfortable. He asked the waiter to pack it, saying he wanted to give it to his dog. Then he asked if he could also pack the leftovers from the couple who had just left. I’ve never gotten the ick so fast in my life.”
“He fought over a ₦100 change” — Fatima*, 26
Fatima* didn’t mind that her boyfriend was frugal, until one bus ride turned into a public shouting match.
“We’d been dating for a few months, and honestly, nothing seemed strange about him. I knew he was tight-fisted, but it didn’t bother me. One day, we took a bus to our hangout spot, and the conductor told everyone to enter with exact change. When it was time to pay, he started shouting and arguing over ₦100. I couldn’t believe it. He kept muttering about conductors cheating people.
Everyone in the bus stared at us. The driver even threatened to drop him off midway, which escalated into another heated argument that nearly turned physical.
I wanted the ground to swallow me. It was embarrassing sitting beside him as he carried on with his tantrums. That incident completely changed how I saw him. I didn’t break up immediately, but the irritation kept growing until the relationship faded on its own.”
“He refuses to bathe on weekends” — Ngozi* 34
Marriage was supposed to bring Ngozi closer to her husband. Instead, it exposed habits she never imagined she’d have to live with.
“My husband is a good man, but he has habits I find hard to overlook. His hygiene is terrible. He only showers when he’s going to work. On weekends, he refuses to bathe or brush his teeth. He lounges around the house in the same clothes and never helps with chores. When I complain, he guilt-trips me, saying I don’t understand how tiring his physical job is because I work remotely.
We had a major argument when I refused to sleep with him one night because he smelled bad. Instead of taking it in stride, he ran to tell his mother. She called to say I was being unkind to him. I felt disgusted — not just by him but by how she defended his actions.
Before marriage, I never noticed these habits because we didn’t spend that much time together. Now, they’ve completely killed my attraction to him. There’s no point bringing it up again, so I just keep it to myself. Lately, I’ve been thinking about finding a job that’ll keep me away because I can’t keep pretending it doesn’t bother me.”
“He refuses to do aftercare” — Grace*, 23
Grace* thought the worst part of sex was bad technique. That was before she met her boyfriend.
“My boyfriend completely ignores aftercare. No matter the situation, once we’re done having sex, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. It doesn’t matter if there’s a mess or if I’m uncomfortable; he leaves me to handle everything. He doesn’t talk to me, touch me, or even acknowledge me in those moments.
In my last relationship, aftercare was a natural part of intimacy. It was affectionate and made me feel connected to my partner. With him, it’s the total opposite. His lack of consideration is honestly disgusting, and it’s made me start avoiding sex altogether. Even when I’m in the mood, I remember how cold and distant he becomes after, and the thought alone kills the desire.”
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