Money and responsibilities have a way of testing relationships beyond love and good intentions. From rent and groceries to fuel and date nights, someone always has to pay. But how do couples decide who handles what? We asked Nigerians how they share financial responsibilities and what balance looks like in their relationships.
“Nobody is coming to save me” — Helen, 29
For Helen*, financial independence isn’t just a choice but a principle.
“I’ve worked hard to earn my place, and I take that seriously. I don’t believe anyone is coming to save me. Bills don’t have to be split 50-50 because that’s not always realistic. Whoever earns more should contribute more, but both partners should take responsibility in a way that reflects their respective incomes.
I’m in a serious relationship, and we live together. I don’t expect him to handle all our bills alone. For groceries and household expenses, we split things fairly based on what makes sense at the time. For dates, whoever initiates pays, and it’s been working well for us.
I don’t believe in the idea that I shouldn’t lift a finger. It’s nice when someone spoils you, but full dependence often comes at a cost — sometimes resentment, other times control. I value my autonomy, and I’d rather keep it than trade it for comfort.”
“I don’t expect my wife to contribute” — Odogwu* 39
In his case, being the provider is non-negotiable, even if it means carrying most of the weight alone.
“I handle about 95% of the finances in my marriage because I believe that’s my primary responsibility. My wife works at a microfinance bank, and in the five years we’ve been married, I’ve never asked how much she earns. I cover all the bills and even give her extra money to buy things for herself.
The only way she contributes is by adding to the money I give her for house upkeep. Every month, I give her about ₦60k, and I know she still tops it up with her own income. She also buys household items or décor when she wants, and I never question it.
I don’t ever want to depend on my wife for money. If she supports, that’s fine, but I should still be able to handle my home.”
“I regret starting out with a joint account” — Lilian, 43
Lilian* learnt the hard way that financial transparency in marriage should never come at the cost of personal freedom.
“My husband and I run a joint account — something I wouldn’t recommend to anyone. It started as a good idea. We both earn about the same, so we decided to combine our salaries and split the bills. At first, I liked being involved and thought it would help us build a stable home. But over time, I realised it worked more in his favour.
He’s the main signatory, so I go through him for every expense. After paying bills, whatever is left stays in an account I can’t access. It got so bad that I couldn’t even buy things for myself or my children without going through him. Even my fuel money came from him. Imagine working hard for your own salary but still needing permission to spend it.
In December 2022, my mum fell critically ill. My siblings needed money for her treatment, and since I earned the most, they turned to me. I asked my husband to release part of my money, but he refused, insisting we should wait till Christmas when we travelled home.
The next day, I borrowed money from a colleague and sent it to my mum without telling him. She passed away a few days later. He still doesn’t know I sent her the money, but I’m grateful I did. If I hadn’t, I’d never have forgiven myself.
Since then, I’ve set aside a portion of my salary every month. After what happened, I think guilt stopped him from asking why I’ve stopped remitting my entire pay. He used to search my bags for hidden cash, but that’s stopped too.”
“There’s no fixed rule in my marriage” — Amina*, 51
For Amina*, marriage isn’t about rigid expectations. Years of partnership have taught her that financial balance comes from flexibility
“At first, I believed my husband should handle most of the financial responsibilities while I supported where I could. But with the way the economy is, that’s not realistic. It really depends on what both partners earn.
In our case, we both work. I handle most of the household expenses, and he takes care of the rent and car bills. For bigger bills like the children’s school fees, we split them. I must contribute, even if it’s not equally.
My husband gets irritated when you depend on him completely, so I’ve always made sure I have my own money. Thankfully, I come from a fairly comfortable family, so there have been times I’ve covered rent or emergencies without much stress.
There’s no fixed rule in our marriage. We just do what works for us in a way that keeps things balanced.”
“Having a joint account has helped us build trust” — Dele*, 56
Dele* discovered that finances in his marriage work best through teamwork guided by clear boundaries.
“My wife and I have tried different systems, but a joint account works best for us. We don’t put our entire income into it, only enough to cover monthly expenses. We calculate our total bills, then each contribute a set amount. For example, I might add ₦200k, and she adds ₦150k. That usually covers everything for the month.
After that, whatever remains is personal money. I like to save, but my wife spends freely, and I’ve made peace with that. It’s her money, after all.
For bigger expenses like our joint investments, we both contribute, but not always equally. It depends on who can handle more at the time. Having a joint account has helped us build trust. We don’t fight about money, and we respect each other’s financial choices.
“Everyone should carry their cross” — Jesse*, 28
For Jesse*, financial balance means finding a system that makes sense for both partners’ realities
“In relationships, everyone should take care of their own bills. For shared things like dates or hangouts, just split it fairly.
Marriage is a different ball game because it involves bigger responsibilities like rent, childcare, and long-term planning. A strict 50-50 split doesn’t always make sense. A 60-40 balance is more realistic, depending on who earns more or who’s taking on childbearing responsibilities.
Of course, things could get complicated if one partner becomes unable to work, like in the case of a disability. I don’t have a perfect answer for that yet, but it’s something to think about.”
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